Love Letters to the Hood w/ Martae Brown

[00:00:00] Speaker A: I'm Lila Ree. And I'm Nick B. Listen, we're just two single girls from the city of roses discussing all things love, lust, and perception. And roses are a symbol of all things beautiful about love. But as you know, love can get a little dirty. So we're here to talk about it. Dirty Roses podcast starts now. Hey, I'm Lila Ree. [00:00:19] Speaker B: And I'm Charlize the Shadowbox. [00:00:21] Speaker A: All right, now, you know, all season long, we've been talking about this. My co host, Nick B. Is out doing her thug fizzle. She's getting healthy, she's getting well, she's getting better, and she's about to come back next season. The best self, the best version of herself possible. So y' all make sure you follow her because she is doing her whole, like, healthcare journey, this new weight loss thing that she's doing right now, and she's, you know, documenting on social media. So make sure you follow her because in the meantime, we got, you know, my girl, my co host, my guest co host. We've been. We've been doing it big this season, so I'm so excited, and I'm even more excited about our guest today. So I don't got, you know, like, we've been doing stories about how I know people, and I really, honestly, I've only met him through social media until we started popping up at events, and I was like, oh, that's you. You. You that man. [00:01:06] Speaker C: You the man. [00:01:06] Speaker A: Right? And so he's just been hella cool. Like, the vibe has always been great. The vibe energy's been good. Real chill, real, like that smooth demeanor where you're like, okay, I can rocks with you because you do stuff, you're about stuff, and you ain't, like, overly bravado with everything. You just come in, but has a presence, and that's really dope. And we're talking about this man who is from Portland, just Jeff alumni. Okay, now we. [00:01:27] Speaker C: Yeah, come on. [00:01:30] Speaker A: Should have been a general, but it's okay. We're not gonna go there if you're from Portland. You know how we go about hard up out of high schools now. But he is. He was a. A college football athlete, a professional football athlete currently doing some restorative justice in the school systems. I'm talking. He's a motivational speaker. He's out here doing things, mentoring. I mean, I'm adding it in there because I feel like you just be mentoring people and you just have that energy and that vibe. So we're gonna throw that in there. There's all these things. They're so freaking amazing. He is a husband, he is a dad of two daughters, like, really out here doing it big. We are so glad to have you, Mr. Marte Brown. [00:02:07] Speaker C: Appreciate it. [00:02:10] Speaker A: I love it. Now, we're calling this episode Love Letters to the Hood, right? Because you have an incredible story and you very, like, down to earth about where you from, where you came up, how you came up, and what you're doing with yourself in your life. So what is, like, what does the hood represent for you? [00:02:26] Speaker C: Authenticity. Being real, you know, represent where you come from. I think especially coming from Portland north to Northeast, to be specific. Like, you know, it's a lot of history, a lot of black history. So I feel like, you know, for me to represent Northeast Portland and do the best I can to represent that in all different versions of myself, I feel like that's important. But I also gotta keep it gangster too. [00:02:49] Speaker A: You feel me? [00:02:50] Speaker C: So it's like, you know what I'm saying? I came up. I was born in the mid-90s, you feel me? Like, you know, I came up in a time where, you know, gang banging was at its peak, you know what I'm saying? A lot of the pimping and all that was happening in the town and just, you know, just a lot of things that was happening during that time when I was coming up and growing up. But I think, you know, beating the odds of certain circumstances and then being able to use sports as a vehicle and all these different things, I think for me, it just represents where I came from. I call myself, you know, the Allen Iverson of education, you know what I'm saying? I love it. I love it, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know what AI did for the NBA? I feel like that's what I'm doing for education. Like, I'm disrupting the self system. I'm disrupting what's, you know, just that piece of like, nah, you can show up yourself and still be considered smart, still be considered dope, still can still be considered cool, because that's another thing too. Everybody want to be cool. But it's cool to be smart. It's cool to be who you are. [00:03:41] Speaker A: So because you got. You got a bachelor's and you recently got your masters, right? And then you out here speaking at Harvard and places like that. Talk about it. Listen, talk about it. How they invite a hood nigga like you cool, say, I'm going to come and talk to these Harvard kids, like, talk about it. [00:03:57] Speaker C: That's crazy. Like Even just that relationship came from me being at a conference in Philly. I was at a conference in Philly, and I got sent to a conference out there by this amazing lady named Jamila Sims. Who do we do it for? The culture, sel learning. And her curriculum is we use for the schools. And so the school Beaumont, that I was at, working there for five years, she had came there and, you know, she seen how I was moving. She seen how. Just how I get down. And she said, I want to send you to a conference out there in Philly, where I'm from. And so I went out there, experienced the conversation. When I got there, I met so many different people. But there's one person, you know what I'm saying? My guy Rito from Chicago. But he getting his doctorate at Harvard. And so he had tapped in. Well, we had met each other in Philly. He had tapped in. Later on, we kept in contact. He was like, hey, it's opportunity for you to come out here, you know what I mean, and do what you do best. And so I put in a proposal. I went through a whole process, you know what I'm saying? And so, long story short, you know, my. My session was packed out. I had Harvard alumni there. I had. I went to dinner with every black person at Harvard who getting a PhD, like that was. That was something inspirational. [00:05:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:05] Speaker C: And so, you know, just being able to go out there and leave my mark out there in Boston and let them know that, you know, you know, just, you know, a kid from Northeast Portland, you know what I'm saying, came out here and, you know, represented. So I think for me, just even going back to school, getting my. The degree in psychology, Human development, and then get my master's in teaching, like, just all those different things all came from, like, just. Well, for one, I got pushed, you know, I'm saying, I got pushed, you know, to. To be my best. And so, right. I wouldn't be. I wouldn't be able to accomplish or do certain things without people pushing me and, you know, and not in and having the right support system, right? [00:05:42] Speaker B: Who was doing the pushing, though, man? [00:05:44] Speaker C: My principal, Dr. V. Like, she was. She. She came up to me like, hey, like, you got your degree and all this. I'm like, man, I don't care about no school. Like, I'm done with school. Cause I had dropped out, right? So I dropped out of college and then went pro and all these different things. And so, you know, I was in a bad place with school, so it was just like mentioning school Would just kind of make my skin itch. Like I don't even, you know. And so opportunity came about for me to join this program, you know, within the district. And I ended up joining that program. And then in five years, I got two degrees. [00:06:15] Speaker A: Listen, let's talk about that relationship with school, though, because for so many black families, like, we don't like, feel welcome in schools and our kids get the brunt into the stick because of that. So now that you're doing this restorative justice work with the school systems now, how does that. How do you get to tie in your experiences and your relationship with how you felt about school to now motivate children now to do school? [00:06:38] Speaker C: I think, I mean, just exactly that, like, I've been in your shoes. Like I know what it is, but also too, I know what it was to be 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, right. And when you in those ages and in those spaces, you can only see what you see, right? You know what I'm saying? And so if I don't like being in class because every time we gotta do math, I don't like math, and I'm low in math and I want nobody to know I act out, we gonna cut up. Because that's what I did. [00:07:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:11] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? You know, behavior is communication. And so it was like, for me, that's how it was. Like, I gave my math teacher at Jeff specifically the blues. Like, it's crazy. We friends on Facebook now, right? And so I remember him message. I ended up messaging him where we messaged each other. And I told him, like, I apologize to him. [00:07:29] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [00:07:30] Speaker C: And just told him like, you know, like, you know, I just apologize. It's such a pain in the ass to you, basically, you know what I'm saying? And, you know, he just congratulated me on all my success at that point and just said, you know, like he never doubted it, you know what I'm saying? But, you know, you gotta grow into it, you know what I'm saying? You know, just prelist. We just talking about, you know what I'm saying? And so I think just those pieces of like, not only growing into yourself, but allowing yourself, you know what I'm saying? Especially in education, right? I mean, we historically have not been treated right in education. [00:08:04] Speaker A: Historically, I mean, right, like, you know. [00:08:07] Speaker B: PWIs, you know, so they're not even like, it's not a normal to see us operating in a certain level of excellence, you know what I'm saying? So it's like it's typically, we gotta defy the odds. [00:08:20] Speaker A: Right. You know, unless you end up going to like an HBCU or something. Then you get to experience that and you, you feel kind of like, like wow. I feel at home. Like you feel like it's normal to be there. It's normal to feel like you, it's pursuing education. Yeah. But you definitely like coming from Oregon as a black person, you, you really looking at it like, okay, I either am going to elevate and leave or I'm going to just stay here and do what everybody else does. [00:08:44] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:08:45] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:46] Speaker B: It's not even the norm for us to see people who look like you that are in the schools either. [00:08:50] Speaker A: Right. [00:08:51] Speaker B: Keep it all the way. [00:08:52] Speaker C: Real world talk. [00:08:53] Speaker B: Young black male that has a certain type of, you know, background or whatever. Like you, a teacher that is trying to relate to you, you know what I'm saying? But you know that they never walked in your shoes. That part things like you're a poindexter, like you can't tell me nothing. I absolutely love the way that you authentically show up 100 you, you know what I'm saying? Very transparent about you, your story, your life. [00:09:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:16] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? And you make this look good. [00:09:18] Speaker A: Right. [00:09:19] Speaker B: You know that part? I really have to give you your flowers for that because I think that's what's reachable especially for our males right now. [00:09:25] Speaker A: Facts, you know, and it doesn't have to be the stereotypical hood stuff, you know what I'm saying? Because you still look like them, you still sound like them, and you still can communicate in a way that they understand it and it don't have to be the glorified Boyz n the Hood episode, you know what I'm saying? And I love that. What's your favorite childhood memory growing up as a nep kid, you know, Northeast Portland, man. [00:09:47] Speaker C: I would say walking to our corner store. So the first corner store I walked to was KC Foodmart. [00:09:53] Speaker A: Okay. [00:09:54] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? So you feel me? So that's. Yeah. [00:09:57] Speaker A: Come on KC. [00:09:58] Speaker C: Come on. Right. So KC's was the spot, right. So grandma, I grew up at my grandparents house. So my grandparents house was right there like two blocks away from Jeff. So that's where I grew up. And that, you know, that's home for me. So I remember walking to the store by myself and even walking with my grandfather and you know what I'm saying? Walking with the homies, you know what I'm saying? Walking to kcs, getting Barbecue burrito with the Arizonas, you feel me? Like all that. Yeah, listen, you know what I'm saying? When they had the 99 cent at the corner of the drink, you know what I'm saying? So it was like, man, like, you felt like you was on top of the world when you had that type of lunch, your bag of chips, barbecue burrito, you know what I'm saying? With your Arizona. It was up, I swear, bro, back then, for sure. [00:10:38] Speaker A: Seriously. [00:10:39] Speaker C: That's crazy. [00:10:40] Speaker A: Seriously. [00:10:40] Speaker C: So I think for me, like, I absolutely love that. Just, you know what I'm saying? Mobbing to the store with the homies or with your loved ones. And you know what I'm saying? Going in there and you know what I'm saying? Getting all the junk food, you know what I'm saying? And you know those, those walks there to the store in them walk backs, man, there was moments, yeah. Of laughter, moments of, you know, not having to worry about what's happening in the world, you know what I'm saying? It's like me and two of the homies or three of the homies or a group, whatever, and it's like you just have fun, you know what I'm saying? Getting on the bus together, mobbing to parties, you feel me? I was on the Tribe and going to party, yo. You feel me? [00:11:16] Speaker A: With the homies, riding the bus was cool back then. And you literally got dressed to make sure you got on the right bus at the right time because you was going to be seen. Yes, absolutely. [00:11:26] Speaker B: Because they, they really are cheated of those experiences. They can't hop on the bus to go to, like, you know, the little summer events and things like that. [00:11:34] Speaker A: It is. It's definitely different the way, the way we trekked across all four quadrants of Portland. I tell you what, you couldn't tell us nothing. We walked. [00:11:45] Speaker C: Listen, I didn't walk from the Lloyd center to grandma house, from Grandma house to like 42nd in Killingsworth, from like 42nd back down to the South. Like, I mean, like, you name it. Like, we done did everything, just mobbing around the city and like Portland, one of those cities, you know, we got back streets, right? So it's like, you feel me? It's like, nah, Cudi, come this way. We can go down the back way. Right, right, right now you like Cudi? I ain't never walked this way. You like this little alleyway, you know what I'm saying? You know? You know what I'm saying? And then low key, if you hear one of them dogs, you know, what time it was, right? [00:12:17] Speaker B: You already know. [00:12:18] Speaker A: Yo, listen, I told. Did I tell you this story about how I got pushed? Yo, yo, listen. And this is as an adult. Listen. Okay, so one of the girls I used to mentor, we started working together, and we're taking a walk around the neighborhood. Just chill over there by Dawson, right? And we were talking, and a dog started barking. Now, she. She. You know, I grew up, you know, in the Alameda district, so, you know, whatever, Whatever. But. So I heard the dog bark, and I'm like. I was like, oh, there's a dog. Yay. She must have pushed me so hard towards the dog and took off running. And I look back, and she was. [00:12:51] Speaker B: Like, somebody gotta make it. I said, what the. What are we doing? [00:12:57] Speaker A: I really was. And I said, dang. This is how. This is how my mentorship landed with you. You just gonna sacrifice me? I said, dang. That's real talk, though. But then dogs be outside, like, for real. We knew what that meant. [00:13:10] Speaker B: Yeah, you already know. [00:13:11] Speaker A: I love it. What. What has been one of the hardest things that you had to overcome from childhood? [00:13:16] Speaker C: Yeah. I think I would just say, like, one of the things, like, I lost some mentors growing up. And one specific mentor that I lost was Rob Ingram. And I remember speaking at his funeral at 15. [00:13:33] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [00:13:34] Speaker C: And I think, like, that experience was crazy. And I think, like, I think those were some of the tough, tough moments. Like, you know, you 15, you know, we lost E. Web. I was in the seventh or eighth grade. And so I think just moments like that was just, like, you just don't understand. Cause you were a kid, and you, like, man, I thought this person was a superhero. You ain't supposed to never die. [00:13:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:00] Speaker C: You ain't supposed to never die. You know, so I think, like, at. [00:14:02] Speaker B: The age where, like, you, everybody lives forever, you know what I'm saying? For real, you're not ready to deal with just loss either. [00:14:10] Speaker C: Yeah, Yeah. I would just say that. Just loss. I mean, you know what I'm saying? We experienced some of the homies and people we grew up with, you know what I'm saying? Getting shot, different things like that growing up. So I think, like, just growing up during those times, I think those are some of the most challenging moments because you just don't understand. Like, what. Like, what do you mean that. [00:14:27] Speaker A: Right? [00:14:28] Speaker C: They're not here like, my peer, like, the one just in class cracking jokes with and cheating off each other tests. You know what I'm saying? And now you're not here. Like, that's crazy. Right? And so I think growing up, you just like, you don't understand that. [00:14:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:42] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? And so I think that I would say just going through loss early, like, that was some of the toughest things. [00:14:49] Speaker A: And in what way did that shape, like, how you deal with things now, man? [00:14:52] Speaker C: Like my, My. My view on life, really spreading love and like being somebody of substance, humility, you know, somebody that carry they self consistently, you know what I'm saying? With a consistent demeanor that brings in any. Any and everybody, you know I'm saying, and. And not judging and just accepting, loving. I think just growing up and experiencing loss early and then seeing just how it affects people, I'm like, I want. I want a positive effect on people. [00:15:27] Speaker A: Right. [00:15:27] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? Like, I want people to like, when they hear Marte, when they hear my name or they, you know, they instantly think of something positive. They think of something that's fun or funny or all that. So I think, you know, that's, that's. That's how it shaped me now, especially now. So I try to be what they was to me, to the youngest now. [00:15:44] Speaker A: Gotcha. [00:15:45] Speaker C: You know? [00:15:45] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:15:46] Speaker C: Try to put it all together. [00:15:47] Speaker A: I love that. I love that. So as you have walked the path of like being an athlete, an educator and an activist, like, how does that. Well, a really. What part of which one of those is the most challenging for you? Honestly. [00:16:05] Speaker C: I would say educator. [00:16:07] Speaker A: Okay. [00:16:08] Speaker C: Why? Because you're constantly proving your worth. Basically, like every day questioned. Yeah, sometimes. [00:16:18] Speaker A: Okay, okay. [00:16:19] Speaker B: So little of us, 100. [00:16:21] Speaker C: You know what I mean? Like, okay, like I'm walking to these buildings and they don't know what to expect. So now your mind automatically, your unconscious, your implicit bias comes in. Because now Marte looks like the dude who I seen on the news who got picked up for a shooting. Now Marte looks like the dude who we just watched in a movie who was shooting at people or got killed or whatever it is, because that's your only image of black men, because you don't have no direct experience. So you see us in entertainment, you see us in sports, you see us in all these different things. And I'm giving you a prime example. So I was at a school, and one of the teachers who. We did some restorative justice work, like coming together as a community last year, and I went to her classroom and I introduced myself to the class, let him know who I was or whatever, and this young lady yells out, this is fourth grade. She yells out, Are you our new custodian? [00:17:20] Speaker A: Oh. [00:17:21] Speaker C: Are you our new head custodian? [00:17:22] Speaker A: Oh. [00:17:23] Speaker C: And I say, no, I'm not. [00:17:30] Speaker A: Well, damn. [00:17:31] Speaker B: And why would the new. [00:17:33] Speaker C: It's right. [00:17:34] Speaker A: That part. [00:17:34] Speaker C: But the head custodian at that school is a black man. [00:17:37] Speaker A: Gotcha. [00:17:38] Speaker C: But my thought process later was, what made her say that it was a little white girl. [00:17:46] Speaker A: I was gonna ask. [00:17:47] Speaker C: And so now all of these things start to kind of. You start thinking like, what made her think like that? And then you start thinking like, well, there's literally zero black teachers at this school that I'm serving. So you're not used to seeing a black man or a black woman or anybody of color per se, in the classroom. [00:18:07] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:08] Speaker C: So now you associate. Oh, okay. My teacher introducing us to this black dude. And he might be like part of the custodian stuff. [00:18:16] Speaker A: Right, right, right. Just in case you see him walking around. Right. [00:18:20] Speaker C: What else is he doing? [00:18:21] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:23] Speaker C: If he ain't mopping or wiping tables, what is he doing here? Right. But knowing that I'm here to serve a classroom downstairs, you know, in the second grade classroom. But. And I'm providing and I'm breaking these stigmas and these stereotypes within these kids who probably might not see another Marte in their educational spirit. [00:18:47] Speaker A: That's facts. That's facts. [00:18:49] Speaker B: Which is so unfortunate. [00:18:50] Speaker C: Right. [00:18:50] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? [00:18:51] Speaker C: Potentially, like, Like, I really hope and I pray that that's not the case. But. But for some of these kids, because of the certain school that they go to, I'm like, yeah, you might not never see nobody like me. So I'mma just be who I am. And this is where the authenticity and being who you are. Right. Even the kid that I worked with, he was like, you look cool, you got chains on, you got your shades on. He was like, you just look cool. You got your Nike, your sweat white, all these different things. But it's like, I don't want them to see a black man because of what you assume a black man is. I want you to see a black man with skill. [00:19:28] Speaker A: Gotcha. [00:19:29] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? Like, you know what I'm saying? I want you to experience a black man with an intuitive brain. Somebody that can think on the spot, somebody that could help, somebody that can provide some sense of safety, community. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? I want them to experience that and then everything else. Just a cherry on top. [00:19:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Because that can really be a life changing experience. I think we all have that educator or we would hope to have that educator in our life that, you know, when you think about it like how you reach out to your math teacher, there's that person that makes an impact in your life, you know what I'm saying? I don't think people take it seriously how influential that they are as an educator in our children's lives, you know? [00:20:12] Speaker A: Right. [00:20:12] Speaker B: Because a lot of people don't believe in themselves because, because an educator told them that they wasn't gonna be shit. You know? [00:20:18] Speaker C: Think about all the rappers. Think about so many rappers that didn't rap about, you know, they teachers saying that they won't be shit whether it's true or not, you know what I'm saying? We know that they remember that, you know what I'm saying? Like even Big, right, Biggie, you know what I'm saying? All these different artists have mentioned some type of educator or teacher who told. [00:20:35] Speaker A: Them, like, I even had that happen to me. Like, and at graduation, I show was we were going down the line of hugging all the teachers or giving them handshakes, whatever, and I hugged the lady that told me I wasn't gonna be. And I was like, me of all people, I'm like, yo, that's wild. But yeah, definitely told me I wasn't gonna be nothing. I was gonna amount to nothing. She didn't like how I was in class and I don't even know why because I was like a really good student. So it was just weird. But I sure hugged her. I was like, okay, cool. Yeah, watch, watch me work. Right? And I think we talked about that with the, with my producer. Like it was like the biggest motivator. Sometimes somebody going to tell you that you can't do it because I'm gonna put all my energy right. [00:21:09] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's unfortunate, but I mean, you know, the good thing is that you were able to, you know, over overcome that. Yeah, but just think about the people who have succumbed to like, you know, the people who are supposed to believe in me didn't. So I guess I shouldn't, right? So like understanding just how important that, that mark is in people's lives. [00:21:29] Speaker C: I wonder why is that though? Like, like, like why is that the factor that we need instead of it being reversed? [00:21:36] Speaker A: That's right. [00:21:37] Speaker C: People pouring into you saying, you gonna be the greatest. Just like Alan Ivan just came out with his documentary. I got his book at the house and I was watching his first part and his mama literally told him, like, you could be anything you want to be. And he believed it. [00:21:50] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:21:50] Speaker C: So that's why he was able to overcome his obstacles. Right. So it's like, why, why can't we have that same energy where it's like, no, we're pouring in. I think a lot of that is cuz we don't see the examples in front of us. That's really it. That's why I focus on telling the stories I tell. Because I'm like, I want the little kid version of me. [00:22:10] Speaker A: Right? Yeah. [00:22:11] Speaker B: And I think it's an extra layer, especially as black males. I think we have to understand, like, and have that level of empathy, especially as black males. I'm not saying that we don't have the same pressures as women, Right. Or just, you know, black females, but I do really. And this is just for me, raising sons, you know what I mean? I really have to understand just like there's so many more societal pressures for you guys to not be much, you know what I mean? Even to this day. And that's the thing for me that I feel like I really respect both of you guys for showing up and defying that. [00:22:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:45] Speaker B: You know, but it's absolutely crazy how that is kind of like the, the default. [00:22:50] Speaker C: It's that narrative. It is, it's that narrative and it's like, how can we reverse that narrative? Right? Of like, we feel like sometimes we, it's like we thrive off somebody being like, yeah, you ain't gonna be shit. [00:23:03] Speaker A: You know, And I had that same. My, my life coach is telling me we had a conversation about what defines blackness. Right. Because you know, me being a biracial person, sometimes I have to have that, that conversation. Listen, I'm dark. I'm dark skinned. Okay. Okay. You can't tell me nothing. Okay, but no, and my emojis be dark too. But. Right, but no, but I had this conversation because it was what defined blackness for you, like, what was it? And we talked about the fact that growing up we're taught the civil rights, we're taught slavery, we're taught these, these specific narratives where it's like, where we then grow up thinking it's our rites of passage to overcome something rather than just being great because we're great. And it's been very important for me, like with my kids, like, to make sure that I'm not selling them that same, that same narrative. Like, you don't have to overcome nothing because you were, you have a foundation of greatness already in front of you. You just got to build on it. And I think so many of us really do hold on to that. Oppressive that. That I got to overcome something. And that's. And that's why we talk like people. We talk to each other. Be like, well, I did this. Or we always talk about coming up from the mud because that proves that you're black or that we. We did something successful. Right. [00:24:19] Speaker B: We were even talking about how people outside of the north, like, minimize us if we are from the Northwest, because we didn't come from the struggle. [00:24:25] Speaker A: Right. [00:24:26] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? We. Y' all ain't even got no projects out there, like, that type of thing. Like, it's like a struggle has to be definitive of who we are in order for us to be black enough, which is crazy. [00:24:36] Speaker C: And the narrative is crazy. Like, when you really break it down, it's so interesting because even going to college and I went to school with people from all over the country and all over the world. [00:24:48] Speaker B: And where did you go to school? [00:24:50] Speaker C: So I went to three different schools. So I was in Arizona. I went to junior college out there, Played football for two years at Phoenix College, and then Mayville State, my junior year in college. So I went from there, boom. Went to North Dakota for a year, and then my coach got fired, and that was the same year. And it's crazy. I always kind of tell this story or tell the story of, like, when I was out there. That was the same year that Kaepernick took his knee. [00:25:13] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [00:25:14] Speaker C: And so going back to the activism, yeah, like, I was really activated. Like, I really felt something when Kaepernick took his knee. And so I was one of the people that he really affected with that. Because. Because I'm like, I believe everything. I believe everything that he said. Like, when he did that press conference after that game and he was telling him what's happening, I felt that to my soul. And I never forget going to. I was a part of all the clubs in college, like Multicultural Clubs. [00:25:39] Speaker A: I love it. [00:25:41] Speaker C: The Boys to Men club, I was in because I just wanted to just see what was going on. So when I would go. So I met this lady named Ms. Dina. She was the director of the Multicultural Club at my school in North Dakota. And I remember telling. She was from Honduras, and I remember telling her how I felt. And I remember her just kind of telling me basically, like, understand that everybody not gonna stand with you. So if you ready to really take that step and take this leap into this activism of that, then, you know, you just have to be prepared. [00:26:16] Speaker A: Right. [00:26:16] Speaker C: Like, nobody's really prepared. [00:26:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:18] Speaker C: But just the mind state of, like, Everybody ain't gonna be with you. And I remember fast forwarding to after practice. I told my team what was happening, how I felt, and I told them straight up, like, well, this Saturday at the game, I'm raising my fist during the anthem. [00:26:31] Speaker A: I was gonna ask, what was your. [00:26:32] Speaker C: First act of activism, throwing the fist up during the anthem. [00:26:36] Speaker A: And were you solo in that? [00:26:39] Speaker C: Nope. It was like probably five to six more of my teammates that. That same day who did it. [00:26:44] Speaker B: Now, were they black? [00:26:45] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:26:46] Speaker B: Okay. [00:26:46] Speaker A: Wow. Okay. [00:26:47] Speaker C: They was. And then, you know, we had a couple of my white teammates that joined. But what happened was, is once they seen the traction, because it sparked the conversation. [00:26:56] Speaker A: Right, right. [00:26:57] Speaker C: I was like, wait, hey, hold on. Like, what's. And so now here I am having meeting with the athletic director, with the president of the college and all these different things and with, you know, and they wanted us to start locking arms, so they wanted to minimize you. And so they wanted to meet with me and meet with a couple of my teammates and all this. And of course, you know, I'm like the Huey P. Of the group right now at this point. Right. So they like, yeah, Marte, so what you. And I'm, you know, obviously boondocks this. [00:27:23] Speaker A: Whole team in a second. [00:27:25] Speaker C: I'm like, man, listen. I'm like, you know, and so, you know, just that whole experience though, like, you know, that really shaped me. And then after that, I went to Nebraska and went to Peru State and finished. Did my scenery out there and end up dropping out and all that. But yeah, I've been all up through the up north and midwest, you know what I'm saying? But Arizona, though, is where it started, though. The El Cortez Apartments on 7th Ave. [00:27:52] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? [00:27:53] Speaker C: Yeah. No, all my neighbors was doping. Oh, yeah. Besides my teammates, I had my teammates. Big Will and Carl, they was on the west side of Chicago. It was me and my roommate, Cody Child from Hawaii. And then those two, they lived, I think on the fourth floor, fifth floor or whatever floor it was, other than that, it was treacherous. Feel me. I had air mattress pop, pop on me in the middle of the night, all that. So it's like, for me, like when people talk about humble beginnings and like really getting about the mud and all that type of stuff, like all of those different type of experiences that I went through and that I experienced, like, really shaped me into like that gratitude. [00:28:37] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:28:38] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? Because I know what it's like as an 18 year old kid fresh out of high School to struggle. I gotta pay rent, you know what I'm saying? I ain't staying on campus. It's a junior college. You gotta go live like everybody else. [00:28:48] Speaker A: Oh, that's facts, you know what I'm saying? [00:28:49] Speaker C: So I didn't have no house, you know what I'm saying? So I had to go really get an apartment, make sure I pay my rent on time. All these different things. And so it's those experiences and going through and meeting people, standing on your team. Cause I'm the only dude from Portland where I go, you know, I'm holding it down for her. But I'll call anybody in my phone I went to school with, and they'll tell you, like, yeah, well, Marte put on for that. Northeast Portland. [00:29:14] Speaker A: We do that, though, when we go. [00:29:15] Speaker B: Somewhere, immediately you can see it. [00:29:18] Speaker C: They immediately they, like, hold on. Right? It's a mind twister. [00:29:22] Speaker A: Like, you know what I mean? [00:29:23] Speaker B: Like, I don't know what that is, but they do. [00:29:25] Speaker A: They question it. Yeah. [00:29:26] Speaker B: Whenever we're from here. [00:29:27] Speaker A: So, yeah, I love it. [00:29:29] Speaker C: So. [00:29:29] Speaker A: So, you know, you work a lot with students and everything, but you are still very big in your community, and you have a lot of peers who have done amazing things, who have stayed where they're at. They're successful in their own rights. But how do you utilize your skills and what you've been through to continue to motivate people that are even in your own age group? [00:29:45] Speaker C: Man, that's crazy you say that because, like, they be reaching out to me all the time. Like, they just want to be around the energy sometime. Right? So even if it's like, hey, Marte, that event, I'm pulling up, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm saying I want to experience, like, what you be talking. Like, yeah, I see little clips and videos, pictures, but, like, I want to see it in real time. So I think, like, for them, like, especially my peers, like, it's just funny because, like, even when I talk to them or like, even, like, people that I grew up with and stuff, like, they'd be like, even not people I grew up with, but just people who didn't see my journey from. I would say from 18 years old up till now, they, like, you always been like that. So it's funny to hear people be like, it doesn't surprise me. [00:30:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:31] Speaker C: And so it's like, to grow up with certain people. And I'm talking about people that either that watch me from a distance. Like, Martel, you always been like that. Like, even when we was 14 in middle school. Like, you always just had this heart in this. In this. In this, like this little gift about you where you just always was cool. Like you never made nobody feel like they wasn't nothing. You wasn't no bully. You wasn't nobody. That always. You know what I'm saying? I crack jokes and do all that because if you come from, you know, being dark skinned. Coming up. You gotta be quick. You gotta be quick from the hip. [00:31:05] Speaker B: I know. [00:31:06] Speaker C: Listen, I turned to Bernie Mac. Quit. What? Eddie Murphy. So. So I was big on standups growing up, so I watched Eddie Murphy and Martin Luther. Like I used to be locked in, in. So I used to take little bits and pieces like, all right, you come. I'm come for me. I'm a Martin Lawrence show ass. You know what I'm saying? I'mma hit. I'm going come with this, Eddie comedy. [00:31:27] Speaker A: Right, right, right, right. [00:31:28] Speaker C: I'm coming with it. You know what I'm saying? So, like, so you had to be quick from the hit with it, you know what I'm saying? So I think, like, just. Just those pieces though. I think it's so. And it's. It's inspiring to know that my peers view me as somebody that they are proud of and somebody that came. Cause we all came. We all was sleeping foot to head at grandma auntie. [00:31:50] Speaker A: Right, right. You know what I'm saying? [00:31:52] Speaker C: And like, I'm the person too, who know everybody's mama. I know everybody's mom was you, the. [00:31:58] Speaker A: Kid that was like, if Martae was going, you can go, you can go. Yeah, I could tell. [00:32:03] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:32:05] Speaker A: I mean, she'd be like, hey, ask my mom if we can go to this party. Hey, yeah, Marte gonna be there. Okay, okay, okay, okay. [00:32:12] Speaker C: But some, but some of them, it was like, for me, like, for some of the homies, like, no, I'm finna go with boogie or JB did it. And it's like, all right, all right. You know what I mean? So it worked both ways. But people's parents definitely trusted me, you know what I'm saying? And they always show me love. So even when I see them now, they just be like, I'm so proud of you. And for me personally, like, those are the biggest wins. Like, saying that you proud of me is some of the. That's a gift for me because I'm a real village community kid. Like, everybody's seen Marte in some way, shape or form through the neighborhood, through sci, through this, through basketball, camp, football, during camps, during Whatever it is, I didn't seen him or know of my, you know, my parents or my people or whatever. And so when people see me, they feel like, damn, like that's one of us. You know what I'm saying? That really is. And I'm getting ready to take this to new heights. I'm getting ready to take this. I'm getting ready to take this, like, as far as. As far as it can go. Because, like, man, like, I just can't wait for the town and the people to. To be like, damn, like, he really did that. And continue to do it, but at a high level. [00:33:27] Speaker A: Right, right, right. [00:33:30] Speaker C: The levels. And I think when people get to see the journey like that, that's. That's different. Yeah, that's different. And people have, you know, people have an organic respect about that journey because it's like, damn, bro, we've seen you go from here, here, here. Like, even just people seeing me with certain people. So, like, now the thing is, like, damn, bro, you be with all the superstars, bro. [00:33:50] Speaker A: I see you with Gary Payton and T. Grizzly, them subtle flexes, right? [00:33:57] Speaker C: And I'm like, bro, I just. Listen, things just be happening. [00:34:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:00] Speaker C: I'm saying. And, like, you know, I look up, you know what I'm saying? And I'm like, I'm back. I'm. I'm in Ice Cubes. I'm with Ice Cube and Dubc, just kicking it. [00:34:08] Speaker A: Right. [00:34:08] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? [00:34:09] Speaker A: But that's a testament to your peanut. [00:34:11] Speaker C: Butter and jelly sandwich. [00:34:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:12] Speaker B: Because I'm, you know, your work is what has, you know, brought you to these tables, you know what I'm saying? Your energy, the person that you are, how you show up is what brought you to those. [00:34:21] Speaker A: You know, we talk about, like. Like, men being leaders and things like that. And I always say that I steer very clear of somebody who wants to and desires to be a leader. Because I feel like being a leader, something that you just kind of are like, it just happens and it falls into your lap and you just have that. That. That energy and that presence and that. That ability to do and get people motivated. Right. But the folks that are, like, looking to be leaders, like, I want to be a leader. I'm gonna. I'm gonna do this. Like, most people that are, like, leaders are like, that's a. That's a heavy burden. Like, I gotta carry a huge weight. Yeah, yeah. You didn't choose it. And you can. And you can tell because things come to you. You're. You're an Attractor. So, like, as a person who has that presence, like, things happen for you because it's supposed to and not because you're seeking it. You know, you're not looking to be the attention. The attention person. So that's a good testament of that. Is there anything that I know that we say. We don't have regrets in life. Right. Because if we did, we wouldn't be who we are. Right. But are there. Is there anything that you would have done differently? [00:35:21] Speaker C: I think I would have took school more serious, definitely. I would have tried to get a 4.0. [00:35:28] Speaker A: Gotcha. [00:35:29] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? I was able to do that in college and, like, thrive in that. But I think I would have took school way more serious. I think I would have asked for help more. [00:35:40] Speaker A: Okay. [00:35:41] Speaker C: Because, you know, that was something obviously we struggle with, not only as a people, but, you know what I'm saying, at that time, as a black boy in education and trying to figure out, you know, everything else. Cause, you know, I went through it, you know, I was almost expelled from night school. [00:35:55] Speaker A: Not from night school. [00:35:55] Speaker C: I only got expelled from night school for threatening my night school teacher. So, yeah, it was just. You know what I'm saying? And he told on me. [00:36:03] Speaker A: I might need details. What he do? What he do. [00:36:06] Speaker C: No, for real. [00:36:07] Speaker A: To get you out of character like. [00:36:08] Speaker B: That, I think especially for art, because I watched my son. I can just say a lot of times in these spaces, they're antagonizing. [00:36:14] Speaker C: I was like, hold on. [00:36:15] Speaker B: And they will. They know what they gonna get from you. [00:36:18] Speaker C: They know he got it that day. [00:36:20] Speaker A: I was gonna say, what was the straw that broke Marte's back? [00:36:23] Speaker C: I know. So he was like. We was in class or whatever. You feel me? And, you know, I'm in there doing my 1, 2. I think I cracked a joke or two, whatever. And then he go. Or three or five. You feel me? And he was like, basically like, you ain't gonna pass my class if, you know, whatever, whatever. And I'm like. Like. It got silent. I was like, ah, beat your ass if you don't pass me. I just sat out of reflex. I just sat out of reflex. Just boom. I was like, oh, shit. You know what I'm saying? [00:36:52] Speaker B: I didn't mean to say that. [00:36:54] Speaker C: I was like, yeah, I ain't really mean to, like, tell him like that, but you gotta stand on it now. [00:36:58] Speaker A: I said what? [00:36:59] Speaker C: I said, it is what it is now. I had night school twice a week. So the next day I had Spanish. I'm sitting in Spanish class, and the campus security come get me, take me to the office, told me to grab my. [00:37:10] Speaker A: They said, buy a key. Buy a key, man. [00:37:13] Speaker C: I went to that office, shout out Mr. Miller because he had my back. And I went in there, and I remember the night school principal sitting at a table. I'm sitting at her desk, and she was like, you know what happens when you threaten a teacher? And I'm sitting there, like, threatening the teacher. You know, us as kids, we got short term memory. I'm like, I start thinking. I'm like, oh, you told him. So I remember her, you know, she's like, well, I gotta call your mom. I was like, hey, check this out. My mom at her second job. [00:37:45] Speaker A: Right? Right. You better not call her mom. [00:37:48] Speaker B: She look like she don't play. [00:37:49] Speaker A: I'm sorry. Seriously. [00:37:50] Speaker C: And I'm the oldest, so I got mom in her prime. I got mom at her. [00:37:55] Speaker B: I was really active. [00:37:57] Speaker C: Oh, my goodness. And I remember telling Nice, like, hey, like. Like, don't. Don't call her right now. She's like, yeah, I kind of. I'm like, so I'm sitting there, she called, it rang about three times, y'. All. I'm like. [00:38:12] Speaker A: Please don't pick up. Please don't pick up. [00:38:14] Speaker C: Hello? He said, yeah, this is such a nice school. I've been saying, wooty wild. She get to explaining. And all you heard after she got done talking, put it on the phone. Mom said, uh, no, no, no. He gotta graduate. He a senior. Da, da, da. And you just hear on the phone, like, no. Like, y' all can't expel him. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Right? And so let's pause here for a minute. It's crazy even talking about it now, because I wonder, was that her unconscious saying, no, I can't allow my son not to graduate high school or else, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. [00:38:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:53] Speaker C: You feel what I'm saying? [00:38:54] Speaker A: Because what it could have been, right, If y'. [00:38:56] Speaker C: All. Cause I ain't gonna lie. If I would have got expelled, it was over. [00:38:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:39:00] Speaker C: I was off the porch for real. For real. [00:39:02] Speaker A: Right, Right. [00:39:03] Speaker C: I was already. I was already tiptoeing just because of how I grew up in the homies and this and this. And so it was already kind of like double Dutch. You feel me? So I was just kind of doing this, doing this. And so. Oh, you expel me. It's over, right? It's over, it's up. [00:39:16] Speaker B: That's the only thing that's keeping him. [00:39:17] Speaker A: On the straight and narrow, right? [00:39:18] Speaker B: Mom of, like, I shared my story, that. That was the pivotal moment for mine because he did get the exposure, you know what I'm saying? Like, so it definitely can change a person's life, you know, sometimes the only thing that's keeping you in check. So. [00:39:32] Speaker C: So that. That. That experience. Yeah, like, that. That shaped me, especially my senior. This is my senior year. This ain't no freshman. This ain't no sophomore. Junior. Like, this is your last year, bro. And they talking about giving you the boot, right? Not on the ground, without the school. You hear me? [00:39:53] Speaker A: He said ain't no boots on the ground over here. He said them fans is all the way over there. [00:39:58] Speaker C: We ain't fan me right out of there. Because they said if you get expelled from night school, then you got to go through day school. And so Jeff advocated for me. [00:40:08] Speaker A: Nice. [00:40:08] Speaker C: I remember having a meeting with all my teachers and all these different type of stuff, and so, like, it's just crazy, but, you know, mom. You know, shout out my mom, like, she. She was there with me through it all, you know what I'm saying? She rolled with me. And, you know, I'm so appreciative, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, I'm the man. I am because of, you know, how strong moms was, you know, and. Cause she had to be, you know, three kids, you know what I'm saying? A lot of things went a lot of different ways, but she did the best that she can with us. And I'm the oldest, me and my two sisters. And so, you know, I raised my sisters, too. And so, you know, mom trusted me at a young age to, you know, hold my end of the bargain. [00:40:46] Speaker A: Right. You know what I'm saying? [00:40:47] Speaker C: It's always funny. I always tell people, I'm like, you know, I'm not a. You know, I'm not a mama's boy. But, you know, my relationship with my mom is very important because of just how she raised me, you know, she. You know what I mean? She didn't baby me. She gave me tough love, you know what I'm saying? She showed me what it was to stand on all 10. Stand on what you. You know, on what you say would also carry yourself with a certain pride, you know what I mean, With a certain. So it wasn't for her just, you know, really advocating for me the best way she knew how, you know, Like, I don't know, you know what I'm saying, where I would be, you know? So, you know, Mom's, you know, she held it down. Love you, mom. [00:41:19] Speaker A: Shout out moms. I love that. I love it. I love it. Well, let's talk about your. Your. Your wife talking about moms and stuff. So, like, you had all these things going on, right? And you out in the public, you're doing all these things. How do you navigate and maintain, like, a healthy relationship and balance in your marriage? [00:41:36] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean. I mean, every day is, you know, you just trying to figure it out, you know, but, you know, finesse is super dope. And I think, like, the way, you know. Cause, you know, I'm not an easy person in terms of, like, it come with a lot, right? So she thought she was popping. She thought, right, right, right, right. I'm finesse, AKA Sha. I'm this, I'm that, all that. And then here come Martin. It's like, whoa. Like, you, right? It's so like, just. Just, you know, just understanding, you know, just who we are as people. [00:42:15] Speaker A: Right? [00:42:15] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? And one of the things that I always, or I try to, you know, tell her is like, I don't love you for your titles or, like, all of that. Like, I love you for who you are as a human being first, right? Like, all that other stuff come after that. But you as a person, you know, that's who I rock with. You know what I'm saying? And I think sometimes in relationships or in different circumstances, like, you know, sometimes it could be transactional. Sometimes that's facts, you know what I mean? Like, it could be, I don't care how long y' all been together, or none of that. Like, it could be very transactional, right? And it's like, I don't want just transactions. Like, we. We trying to experience, you know, life, right? You know, and, you know, together and try to see what's happening, you know what I mean? And travel and see the world we came from. We did a family trip to Jamaica for my 30th this year. You know what I'm saying? And it was lit. It was lit. But, like, one of the things that I was so appreciative of is I remember sitting on the balcony. It was me, Grandma, Finesse, and Sherm. I know we just talking about my mom in love before this. And so it was like we was all just on the balcony, just cracking up, laughing, cracking jokes. You could just oversee, like, the water and the trees and all of that. And I just was just thinking to myself, I was like, damn, like, I'm blessed. Like, I'm grateful for this moment, you know? And for a lot of reasons, you know, women raised me, you know what I'm saying? Like, I come from strong women. And so now it's like, I got three strong. I was gonna say one woman and two strong girl. You know what I'm saying? Right? Because, you know, you got, you know, My oldest is 16, and then our youngest is 5. And so, you know, like, girl dad, you know, in a house full of girls, you know, and, oh, wait, they keep me sharp. They keep me sharp for so many different reasons. But it's such a blessing, though, because I think it's just. It teaches me so much, you know what I'm saying? Like, I didn't grow up, you know, with affection and all these different types of things, you know, because, you know. You know what I'm saying? Mom ain't had time for all that, you know what I'm saying? Like, she was trying to, right? She had to do what she had to do. [00:44:25] Speaker A: She was working. [00:44:26] Speaker C: But she also grew up a certain way, too. And so. Right. A lot of things that she went through, right? And so there's a lot of things she wish she could have gave us, right? And so I think even now, going to what you said about the family, like, just being more affectionate and just loving on my. You know what I'm saying, my girls, because I love them to death, and I'll do anything for them three. And so I think I'm just grateful, you know what I'm saying, that she allowed me to come into Jaleel's life as a bonus. Dad came into her life at eight. And then we had Marley during COVID you know what I'm saying? And so, you know, that experience was. [00:44:57] Speaker A: You know, I was gonna say, I bet she a different baby. Yeah. [00:44:59] Speaker C: No, for real babies. 20, 20, I swear. [00:45:06] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? [00:45:07] Speaker C: But I'm. I'm super grateful, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? She been rocking with me through all my. You know, we've been. Man, all the transitions in the last. Well, we've been rocking for about eight years now, so. And then married 40 for four. So, yeah, it's like just. Just all the. The journey and everything that come with it. And, you know, I told her, like, I'm doing this, you know, to set. To set all of us up forever. Like, even. Even when I'm gone. And she hate it when I get to talk. [00:45:36] Speaker B: I don't know why you want to think about it. [00:45:39] Speaker C: But I tell her I'm like, But I'm telling you that because I want you to know, like, I know my purpose as a man. You feel me? Like, I know that you know, the things that I'm doing, the things that I'm trying to accomplish, like, But I'm like, all of that don't mean nothing if y' all can't say the same things about me at home. Right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You could be a stand up man in the community, you can be all that. But like, at home, like, you, like, you, you could be somebody totally different. [00:46:05] Speaker A: Right? Right. [00:46:06] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? And so, you know that consistency. And I remember she telling me somebody asking like, is he always like that? Like, is he like. And she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? But she also see a lot of parts of me that a lot of people don't get a chance to see. You know what I'm saying? But I be trying to shield certain pieces. But you can't. [00:46:26] Speaker A: Nah. That's your person. Right. [00:46:28] Speaker C: But as a man. But as a man and having that pride, it be certain things that I don't want her to worry about. I don't want her to. [00:46:37] Speaker A: That makes sense. [00:46:37] Speaker C: And so that be getting in my way. But then y' all know, as women, y' all be like, uh, come to me. [00:46:42] Speaker A: Come here. We gonna patch in the back. [00:46:45] Speaker B: We got you, boo. [00:46:49] Speaker C: Like, she has taught me so much with that, like, just trying to. [00:46:51] Speaker B: Learning to be like your safe space or that soft space, you know? [00:46:56] Speaker C: And this, in this, you know what I'm saying? And just as a man, like, those, those things is just so pivotal for you internally. So it's like, now I'm about to give that out to somebody. Right. Who I'm sharing a life with and all of that. But also too, like, like, you, like. Nah. But I don't want her to, to be worried or think that I ain't got it together. [00:47:19] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? Yeah. [00:47:20] Speaker C: But I'm learning that it's not even about all of that. It's just about like the vulnerability. [00:47:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:26] Speaker C: And I'm learning. I'm still learning. I'm still working on it. [00:47:29] Speaker B: I could imagine that would be probably one of the tougher things for you 100 to show up in so many different spaces. [00:47:35] Speaker C: 100. [00:47:35] Speaker A: I can see that. [00:47:37] Speaker C: The loner bit, man, that's. That's. That, that's the biggest, that's my biggest kryptonite. Right. Like, I'm an open book and I'll, you know, whatever. But being vulnerable is Something I'm just really trying to work on. And, you know, every day I'm trying to get better. [00:47:49] Speaker A: And so it's selective vulnerability. You know what I'm saying? Like, you get to. You get to pick and choose what part of your story you tell, because it also helps you do what you do. So you got to be vulnerable to a certain extent. But there's pieces of people, like, you know, men, you know, women, whatever, like that. We just. No, that ain't for the world to see. Right. But in what ways does she lift you up? And then how do you lift her up in the marriage? [00:48:14] Speaker C: I think, you know, her just continuing to, like, encourage me and, like, you know, just allowing me to be. Me too. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's big. And so I know, like, she allowed Marte to be Marte, you know, and it's crazy. Cause now, like, she's okay with just being like, yeah, you do your. And I'm just, you know, and I'm like, here you go. And I'm like, you just as like, you're so dope. And she got such an amazing story to tell and that she'd been vulnerable. So she one of the people who, like, she was like, her vulnerability and, like, her journey, like, is like, dang, you really had to dig deep. [00:49:01] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Yeah. [00:49:02] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? You really had to dig deep, you know what I'm saying, in some of your darkest moments. And so. And I'm pretty sure, you know, she okay with me saying this, but even just, like, you know, her sobriety, you know what I'm saying? And just going through that and just seeing her every day just overcoming in different ways, whether she talk about it or she don't, but just that strength and courage it was for that. And when she told me her story behind that, and just, like, the full scope, like, I told her, I was like, hey, like, you gotta. You gotta share this more with people. And so now I be trying to encourage her. I just. I just was telling her, like, she should start, like, a group of people who's either sober or trying to get sober. [00:49:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:41] Speaker C: And I was like. Because what happens is a lot of people don't have a safe space for that. And it's a lot of judgment, especially as black folks. [00:49:49] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:49] Speaker C: It's like, oh, girl, you struggle. It's like, you show. [00:49:51] Speaker B: You show up. They can't wait. They're like, aha. [00:49:53] Speaker A: I knew there was something, right? You feel me? [00:49:55] Speaker C: It's like, nah. Like, we all yeah, either sober or being sober or we all try, or some of us are trying to get sober in this, this is a safe space for us. And so that's something that I was encouraging her. You know, we was just talking last week about it. And so I was just telling her, like, you know what I'm saying? Think about that. And so I think we just always try to just understand where we at and just, you know, I just, for me, I'm always just trying to figure out ways to make the day better, you know what I'm saying? So it's like, even if it's making sure the girls is taken care of or making sure it is, so she ain't got to worry about it, you know. And so I think like, you know, just uplifting each other, just in love and positivity, but it's also too like, and being real and having hard conversations. And that's something that, you know, a lot of people like. It's hard to have those hard conversations, but that's what help you grow and that's what helped, you know, I mean, I think, you know, for us, like, you know, we writing our own story and our own thing. And so I think, you know, we both grew up a certain way. We both grew up with strong moms, being the oldest, you know what I'm saying? It's her and her sister, you know what I'm saying? And me and my two. And so, you know, we grew up a certain way, you know, but also too, you know, we coming together, we bringing things together. And so it's like, what does that look like, right? You know what I'm saying? Like, what does that really entail? What's the energy behind it? And so I think just trying to always uplift each other. I'm always just trying to make things better for her because, you know, that's just the type of man or type of person that I am. I just want to make things better. I got a hero complex. I'm always just trying to say, I. [00:51:33] Speaker A: Bet they get you in trouble though, because you probably overextend yourself sometimes. [00:51:36] Speaker C: I do, yeah. And she didn't have to tell me too, like, like, you got it. Like you got it. [00:51:41] Speaker A: Yeah, right. [00:51:42] Speaker C: You gotta protect, you know, I mean, you gotta protect that. Like you can't always. And that's so hard for me. Yeah, it's so hard just because of my heart and my spirit. And so she keep me, she keep me grounded, she keep me, you know, level headed and you know, she. So she's so just in the background and so humbled. And she just want to play the background and all that, you know, now. [00:52:01] Speaker B: But it shows, though. Like, if I can just say, just as a fan girl, y', all, I like, I'm big fans of y'. [00:52:06] Speaker A: All. [00:52:07] Speaker B: Just from the outside looking in and just observing and being around for so long, you know what I'm saying? Like, to see how much you guys celebrate each other, that's one thing that is, like, apparent, you know, like, you can tell you guys are each other's biggest fan, you know what I'm saying? The next. [00:52:21] Speaker A: Then there's me, she in the bushes. Like, I like how you look, especially. [00:52:26] Speaker B: In a lot, but especially in a lot of, like, angles. Like you said, you know, she came into the picture and, you know, I mean, she knew she was popping. You came into the picture, you knew what you brought to it. Sometimes when you see these two forces coming together, there's a dynamic of someone needs to water themselves down or someone. You know what I mean? You gonna have to step back or whatever. And just to see you guys, there's not a diluted dopeness with you guys. Do you know what I mean? You guys are both, like, strong in your own right. And I love to see. Yeah, because there's not enough examples, I think, especially out here. [00:53:03] Speaker A: That part. [00:53:04] Speaker C: That part, you just write your own story. You write your own, you know, everybody writing their own little story. You know what I mean? So I think, you know, you just. [00:53:12] Speaker B: Fiction to y' all story. That's all. [00:53:14] Speaker A: I'm right. [00:53:15] Speaker B: That part was, you know, there was a fakery here. [00:53:18] Speaker A: You know, listen, listen, I. I ain't going to make no faces. [00:53:22] Speaker B: I'mma keep my. [00:53:23] Speaker A: I'mma keep my face to myself. [00:53:24] Speaker B: Hold on, let me look the camera. [00:53:28] Speaker A: We talking about you. Okay? You. No, but how do you like with your dynamic of your marriage, as well as what you. You do for the community, how do you utilize that to parent better? [00:53:40] Speaker C: Man, I try to. I try to slow down. I try to slow it down sometime and check myself. I know with me working with a lot of. For example, even just with my youngest, with my daughter Marley, like, you know, she'll be in kindergarten next year. And so this is our last year in preschool. And I work with a lot with elementary kids. [00:54:00] Speaker A: Okay. [00:54:01] Speaker C: But I work with a lot of elementary kids at tier three behavior, which is, you know, kind of the most intense behavior in school. And so sometimes my patience could be short, you know what I'm saying? Because I done dealt with getting spit Kicked on, like all day. Now here you. I ain't got time for no bs. You want some bs, right? And it's not fair to her because she not able to get dad or daddy, you know what I'm saying? And so I be having to check myself with that. I'm trying to, you know, doing better with that because it's such a, you know, having a job in such high trauma. [00:54:32] Speaker A: Right. [00:54:33] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? You gotta leave. You gotta try to, like, leave that there and then make sure. Right. And, you know, I take my daughter to school every morning. I get her up, I do all the 1, 2. And so we got a whole little routine, and I pick up. [00:54:47] Speaker A: You be doing hair and stuff too? [00:54:48] Speaker C: No, not. Not yet. Not yet. I'm trying to learn to do. Yeah, to do the ponytail. [00:54:53] Speaker A: You gonna have her spin around, you know? [00:54:56] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You know, do the. You know what I'm saying? Do the edges. Make sure the edges. Right. You know what I mean? And so I, you know, trying to, you know, just, you know, those, Those. Those moments and those things that, you know, I'm saying, those day to day things, I just try to make sure that I'm being present, you know what I'm saying? And being still in those moments, I think the whole community and in the family and just trying to balance that, you know, it's hard. It's hard. And, you know, because my heart is just so big. And to know me is to know that. [00:55:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:55:33] Speaker C: And sometimes people, my family, want to be selfish with me. Like. No, no, we're not sharing him today. [00:55:44] Speaker A: Right? Yes, definitely. [00:55:46] Speaker C: He's not providing no motivational nothing for you. [00:55:49] Speaker B: It's movie night. [00:55:51] Speaker A: That part. That part. [00:55:52] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? So being intentional. [00:55:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:55:56] Speaker C: So I try to be intentional with them. So I feel like right now I owe. I feel like I owe Marley a date somewhere, now that I think about it. Cause me and Jaleel, we went to Cane's, you know, she recently just got a job, so I was chopping it up with her. She a junior in high school at Benson, so life is changing for her, you know what I'm saying? She'll be 17 this year, and, you know, she getting ready to think about the next stages of her life. So I try to make sure that I'm being present for her in the best way. And, you know, being that I got access to all these schools, I could just buzz myself in and go in there and check up on her anytime I want to, truly. [00:56:26] Speaker A: Right, right. [00:56:27] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? And. And, you know, with Marley, too, and, you know, even with finesse, just being intentional with, you know, you know, with dates and different things like that. So I think for me, just being intentional, you know what I'm saying? With, like, the time that I'm spending, I think I done got better at not trying to be everywhere and to do everything, you know, but it's hard because I love the people. I love community. I love being around the people, you know? But, you know, sometimes you got to. [00:56:57] Speaker A: Just like, how do you take care of yourself, though? I was like, yeah, right. Like, what do you do to take care of yourself? [00:57:04] Speaker C: Not honestly, just sitting around doing nothing. Like, watching my sports. Yeah. Eating my favorite food. I'm a fried shrimp. Shrimp fried rice type of guy, you know, saying so. You know, my favorite foods and just chilling. And it's crazy you say that, because I watched Den of Kings with Kirk Franklin. [00:57:24] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:57:25] Speaker C: And one of the dudes had just recently said, we know Kirk Frank asked the question, like, what brings you joy? [00:57:30] Speaker A: Right? [00:57:31] Speaker C: Like, what makes you happy? And everybody paused for the black man and everybody, like, what is. [00:57:40] Speaker A: What does. Right? [00:57:41] Speaker B: Like, yeah. [00:57:42] Speaker C: He said he found this. He. He finds the most joy when he don't have to do nothing for nobody. [00:57:47] Speaker A: That's fair. [00:57:48] Speaker C: He ain't got to make no diagnosis. He ain't gotta go here and speak. He ain't gotta go here and do this and do that and do this. And I start thinking, like, dang, that's kind of where my most joy is, too, where it's like, I ain't gotta, like, be nothing for nobody. I get to just be. I get to just, you know, just be, you know? And I think I always attach my happiness to somebody else or to something else. And I didn't realize that, right? It's like, oh, my family make me happy, or being around this, being around that. And it's like, yeah, of course. But also, too, for me to be who I need to be for my people, I gotta know how to just not do nothing sometimes. And that's something that we have to learn as black people because we've been taught, especially in this work culture. [00:58:36] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:58:37] Speaker C: Nah, you gotta get to it. [00:58:39] Speaker A: No, that's facts. [00:58:40] Speaker C: By any means necessary. Especially when you look like us and coming from our, you know, our backgrounds. [00:58:44] Speaker B: And doing in our community, the, like, a cuss word is lazy. You know what I'm saying? Like, if somebody call you lazy, that is, like, right? So it really is. And that is like, I think that is embedded in us. So like, sitting still feels wrong. You know what I mean? And I remember like there was a Sunday I was actually having a session with my therapist. And she's like, you know why? Because I was like, you know, it's five o' clock and I haven't done anything. You know what I mean? And she's like, why does that bother you? And I'm like, I don't know how not. You know, Right. I should have been doing something. [00:59:17] Speaker A: That part, that part. [00:59:18] Speaker B: She was like, stillness to self care. [00:59:20] Speaker A: That part. [00:59:20] Speaker B: And that was like. It's. I was like, okay, that's cute. You know, that part, it still wasn't resonating with me until I realized that, like you say, like my best days and the days that I'm nurturing myself is when I didn't have anything on my agenda. And I allowed myself that. Because that's the problem. We don't allow that. [00:59:36] Speaker A: Also, it's so hard because we all work in service industries and it's like, your job is to care for people. [00:59:42] Speaker B: Right? [00:59:43] Speaker A: And you do it a good job at it because you have a good heart, you care for people. And it's hard to turn that off because you. You care for people. Yeah, it's. There's always something that's needed and you recognize that in the community. Like, you're like, I see something, that's a need, I know how to fix it. And being a hero complex, you know what I'm saying? You'd be like, I can't not address it. I can't not fix it. I can't not help this person. I can't not say something and do something. And caring, your caring for yourself almost feels like you're taken away from the community because you. You didn't do your job. And so it's like, I have. I've had to unlearn it myself. Like I can't care for nobody else if I'm depleted completely. My kids suffer from it too. So I'm like, yeah, you gotta. You gotta take care of yourself. I know. I started listening to nothing in the car. I drive silent now. And it's so weird. [01:00:29] Speaker B: So, yeah, like sitting silent. [01:00:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:00:31] Speaker B: No playlist, no podcast, no whatever. [01:00:34] Speaker A: Right. Is. [01:00:35] Speaker B: Is another thing that I've had to grow comfortable with. The silence is another thing that, like, I was not. I couldn't. Yeah. So I'm gotta be filling in the space. [01:00:44] Speaker C: And it's crazy. Cause my bro tell me we was talking Like, a week, like, two weeks ago. And I remember him saying, like, we all know when we call you, he was like, even the homies, like, we know that you gonna tell us what we need to hear. [01:00:56] Speaker B: Wow. [01:00:57] Speaker C: This been my bro since fifth grade. I mean, not fifth grade, since we was five. [01:01:01] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [01:01:01] Speaker C: Right. So we've been rocking forever. You can remember, you feel me? You know what I'm saying? And so, like, he was like, bro, like, even we know that. He's like, bro. Like, that's why, like, I'll call you and. And be like, you feel me? I know Marte gonna tell me something I need to hear. And I remember just talking to him about just when things are happening in your life, especially to where you start questioning your faith and you start to play the, you know, play the blame game with God and all the different things, because it's normal, because we feel how we feel, and we. And we respond from an emotional place. That's when we supposed to get closer, in my opinion. [01:01:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:01:45] Speaker C: And my thing is you have to stay consistent. And so that's one of the things I was telling them. I'm like, when you feel that pull away, that's when you pull yourself towards that way, you know what I'm saying? Because you need it. Because during the storm, can you, like, withhel it, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, can you get through it? Because on the other side of that storm, it's a breakthrough. And when you get through the breakthrough, you able to see why you went through that storm. [01:02:17] Speaker A: Right, Right. [01:02:18] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? And so I feel like those are the types of things that I be trying to remind my folks, my people's, like, hey, like, don't ever question it. I mean, don't ever question it, but don't, like, question it to where you start doubting it. [01:02:36] Speaker A: Right. [01:02:37] Speaker C: Because it's easy to do that when things are going downhill, when things are happening and, you know, we going through loss, you know what I'm saying? My bro lost his. His cousin and his granny months apart. You know what I'm saying? And so, you know, I know he grieving. [01:02:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:02:50] Speaker C: And so, you know, I just try to remind him, like, hey, like, bro, don't forget. Like, we ain't always got to be tough, right? [01:02:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:02:57] Speaker C: And to watch my bro go up there and read the obituary this past Saturday was crazy, because I'm like, he out. And I told like, bro, you did it. You know what I'm saying? And, like, just those things. Yeah, that's what I try to provide to my people. Like, I'm there no matter what. You know what I'm saying? I'm pulling up, and I've been with him every step of the way with Granny, you know what I'm saying? We just lost Cudi, everything. Because I wanted to know that this brotherhood ain't just about words. It's about action. So if that mean I'm up, you know, I'm with you. Help setting up tables and chairs for the family. That's what we gonna do. You know what I'm saying? And it ain't no question. We got the same tattoo on the side of our faces and on our knuckles, we got dedication. Mine's on the left, his on the right, and I got. And we got God goddess on our knuckles. [01:03:39] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [01:03:39] Speaker C: And so for me, like, a brotherhood and really having, you know, people that you care about, that really matters. And so when people depend or rely on you and depend on you to provide some sort of light in the dark. [01:03:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:03:52] Speaker C: And not just your friend, your family too. [01:03:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:03:56] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? Inspiring your siblings, inspiring your parents. [01:03:59] Speaker A: Right. [01:04:00] Speaker C: All of that, like, those things are things that people don't talk about because, you know, those are the unspoken things. But it's like, I feel like if I don't make it happen, it's not gonna get. It's like it's not gonna happen because I feel like I've been put in a position now and in the road to. It's like Marte is showing us the other side. [01:04:22] Speaker A: Right. [01:04:22] Speaker C: And the sacrifice that, you know, my mom and pops made is now starting to show through they son. Like, I told my pops, he went to a gig league. I was like, the late nights. The late nights in the church is paid off through. Through your son. You know what I'm saying? [01:04:37] Speaker A: That's beautiful. [01:04:38] Speaker C: I just feel like that's. That. That's what it is. [01:04:40] Speaker A: If you could end your love letter to the hood, what is your wish? [01:04:44] Speaker C: Ooh, that's fine. My wish is for everybody to show up 100% them and. And not have to. Damn. They light for nobody, don't have to adjust for nobody. Like, be you. And I feel like a lot of people adjust they self because they want to fit this mold or fit this image, you know? And I just want everybody to be authentic. [01:05:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:05:15] Speaker C: Like. Like, you know, I'm saying my love letter to the hood is like that same hoodness that we carry growing up is the same hood, and that's just going to carry Us throughout this life. Because it's that grit, that grind, that resilience, you know? Because to me, coming from the hood, it's a feeling too. It's a feeling. It ain't just a place. It's a feeling. You know what I'm saying? It's like. It's this thing called. And I'm a. It's called epigenetics. [01:05:46] Speaker A: Okay. [01:05:47] Speaker C: Epigenetics. Basically. Have you ever felt something. [01:05:50] Speaker A: Mm. [01:05:51] Speaker C: And whether somebody says something or did something you like, why do I feel like that? [01:05:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:05:57] Speaker C: Because you may be feeling that not only just from you, but from your mom, from your dad. [01:06:03] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:06:03] Speaker C: Your grandparents, your great grandparents that experienced pain, trauma, hurt. [01:06:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:06:08] Speaker C: And now something may have sparked that. [01:06:11] Speaker A: Right. [01:06:11] Speaker C: And now you like, why do I feel like that? Like, why. Like, even. Just that event. [01:06:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:06:16] Speaker C: With Dr. Joy and I. I got this overwhelming feeling in my body and my soul, like, of emotion, of clarity, of. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. [01:06:35] Speaker A: Right. [01:06:36] Speaker C: Like, you're doing exactly what you've been called to do. And I think that epigenetic is connected to the authenticity of everybody showing up how they're supposed to. [01:06:46] Speaker A: Right. [01:06:46] Speaker C: Because we're a representation of our people, our grandparents, our great grandparents, the people that we didn't get a chance to meet. [01:06:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:06:53] Speaker C: So I feel like that love later to the hood. We owe it to them to make sure that we show up as authentic as we can and be who we are, because that's what make us who we are. [01:07:05] Speaker A: I love it. I love it. Signed, signed, Signed Marte Brown. I love it. [01:07:11] Speaker B: That's a. That's a hot 16 bars. [01:07:13] Speaker A: There you go. Mic drop. I love it. Charlisa. Yes. What's your love letter to these heads in the community? [01:07:20] Speaker B: The love letter to these heads in the community today is the Aura Vea shampoo and the Amavea conditioner. So these are our newest products. These are, as everyone knows, these are products that are, you know, carefully formulated by me. [01:07:35] Speaker A: Yes. [01:07:35] Speaker B: And these are literally my love letters to my clients. You know, they needed a little bit of extra moisture for them curls, so this is a little bit of extra love for y'. [01:07:43] Speaker A: All. [01:07:44] Speaker B: You know, you can check this [email protected] these are our newest babies. They smell amazing, they feel amazing, and, you know, it's literally, you know, my love to you in every single bottle, in every single jar. [01:07:55] Speaker A: I love it. And make sure when you go to that website, you use the code Lee, because you get a little extra love. You know what I'M saying, I'm saying, listen. [01:08:07] Speaker B: People getting benefits cut, they need every extra little bit of help. [01:08:10] Speaker A: That part, that part, that part. Mr. Marte, where can people find you, man? [01:08:15] Speaker C: I'm gonna sound like a old head. Can you find me on Facebook? [01:08:18] Speaker A: Hey, on the Facebook, that's how I started. [01:08:22] Speaker C: You feel me, MySpace, all that. Yeah, but I'm on Facebook. Marte Brown. M A R T A E. Last name Brown, like the color. And on Instagram, I'm one of God's messenger on Instagram. And so, you know, those are the two pages. You can follow the journey and see the journey from, you know, from start to finish. Well, not to finish, but starting and then loading. [01:08:45] Speaker B: That's right. [01:08:46] Speaker A: You get to follow it until it's finished. Right? I love that. I love it. Charlize, where can they find you? [01:08:51] Speaker B: You can find me on Instagram. Milani by shadowbox. You know, black folks like to throw. They. [01:08:56] Speaker A: They name stuff. [01:08:57] Speaker B: So a shadow with the sea. M Y L a N I B Y C H A D O W B O X X. You can also find me on Facebook, Milani vegan hair care. And also you can check me out on my own personal page, Charlis the Shadow Box Harris, where I try to show up and be as educational and inspirational as I can. And you can also check out me and these products because, you know, if you want to flirt with me, you can flirt with me at the checkout. [01:09:18] Speaker A: That part, that part. [01:09:19] Speaker B: Dot com. [01:09:20] Speaker A: Right? That's. That's your love letter to Shadow Box. Okay. Yes, yes, yes. And of course you can find the normal guest, the normal co host while she does her health journey. She'll be back next season. But make sure you check out NICK B. She's NickBnickb. And that's Nick with the K. And then you can follow me. It's Lilaree L E I G H L A R I E on every single platform because I was very consistent with that. Okay. And you can follow us@dirty rosespodcast everywhere. Dirtyrosespodcast.com make sure you like follow, subscribe. Check out all of season six and everything up for now. Feel free season seven and we will catch y' all another time. Thanks. [01:09:56] Speaker B: Guess what, rose buddies? We are thrilled to introduce our new sponsorship packages. [01:10:01] Speaker A: Be sure to hit us [email protected] to inquire how we can showcase your brand on our platforms.