[00:00:01] Speaker A: I'm Leela Rhee.
[00:00:02] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B.
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Listen, we're just two single girls from the city of roses discussing all things love, lust, and perception.
[00:00:09] Speaker B: And roses are a symbol of all things beautiful about love.
[00:00:12] Speaker A: But as you know, love can get a little dirty. So we're here to talk about it.
[00:00:16] Speaker B: Dirty Roses podcast starts now.
[00:00:19] Speaker A: Hey, I'm Leela Rhee.
[00:00:20] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: And welcome to Dirty Roses podcast. Today we're talking about something that I am really familiar, well, not familiar with, but I prefer and some that you're familiar with that you don't prefer, and our guest is familiar with. And we don't know if she prefers or not yet, but we're gonna find out.
But we are being joined by our childhood friend. I think I've known her longer. I get to say that for a change. Ow. I'm gonna say this little background story so, you know, me being biracial.
Our guest here was one of my very first black friends, and I used to get, like, the full fledged black experience at her house. All the cousins would be over there. I had a crush on her older brother.
The sleepovers, the everything. Like, the whole gambit of all things that black families do, I got to experience at her house. Meanwhile, she's coming to my house. Like, I love coming to your house. And I'm like, let's switch. But we used to play games. We used to play. We used to play the little lip sync battle games where we would lip sync songs and do competitions. And it was a good time, but very good friend of ours, India Davis, right out of the east coast. You in North Carolina, correct? South Carolina. Yes, yes. North Carolina. Ow. Okay. And Miss India is the global brand marketer. She's been doing really big things in her aspect of the world. Traveling, being on red carpets, and doing the thang thing, which makes her a great guest for this podcast. But Nick B. You know India, too.
[00:01:47] Speaker B: Yeah. So India and I, we went to high school together. We were on cheer.
Did we were you dance also?
[00:01:55] Speaker A: Did we do.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: We did dance. Yep. Cheer and dance.
Deb sisters.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: Oh, yes, that's right. We're Debbie times.
[00:02:01] Speaker B: And so we absolutely go way back. And I remember we also. I believe we were in the same major, right, for communications, photography, and video. Shout out to mister Kelly. Yep, there it is.
[00:02:11] Speaker A: So, for those of you that don't know, the high school that they went to had trades that you guys could major in in high school. Not every high school had that, but their specific school had that, which I was kind of jealous of. Cause I had science and math. Mm.
[00:02:23] Speaker B: Okay, well, you know, so, yes, we're all pretty good friends here. We go way back, and so it's such an honor to have you on our show.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: Thank you. So. Well, as you guys know, we start every episode with a story, and so we gonna talk personal here. I'm new to dating, and I prefer not to date in my city. I'm not new to dating anymore, am I?
[00:02:43] Speaker B: No.
[00:02:44] Speaker A: Is that why you're laughing? Because it's been two years, and you're like, bitch, you've been dating.
[00:02:47] Speaker B: You date more than me at this point.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: I mean, these streets.
[00:02:52] Speaker B: She's the official habitual dater now. I am.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: Is it habitual if it's only been, like, less than 1520 years?
Don't do me.
But, yeah, so I. Having been in a relationship for so long, I missed the train for dating people who have not been taken or tainted in our town. So my preference currently is to not date people in my city because, a, I either know too much about you or you have smashed a friend or relative. And so I just prefer not to dip and dabble in those buckets of people, which leaves my pool very, very small. So I. And also because I'm a very private person, I prefer not to have my business out in the streets.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: So as we sit on a podcast.
[00:03:38] Speaker A: As we sit on a podcast and tell all my goddamn business. Right. That's very special.
[00:03:44] Speaker B: So to your point, I think if I lived in the city limits of Portland, I would probably have that same thought process, but I'm actually the opposite.
[00:03:52] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:03:53] Speaker B: Where I do not like dating out of my area code. I mean, assuming that there's different area codes within the city limits that I work in or live and work in, that that's one thing. But, yeah, I. I used to, when I was younger, think that it was really kind of like the thing to date somebody out of town.
Oh, yeah. My guy, he lives out of state, all this stuff. Right? But today, that's not my bag at all. I'd rather you be within at least a half hour drive from me, because ain't nobody trying to drive miles and hours to get some miles and hours. I just want you to be there.
[00:04:30] Speaker A: Okay. And so we bring India on the show because you have lived in multiple area codes and you've had the experience of possibly dating people in these different regions and spaces, but also having the choice of dating somebody in your own area or continuing to date people out of town. So what has your experience been with dating within your area and then outside your areas.
[00:04:53] Speaker C: So first, I'm super excited to be here with you both. So thank you so much for inviting me.
You never know, I guess, what you're gonna get from this one.
Excited, but dating. Yeah. So I've lived in three different cities. Well, of course, four with Portland. And I had to date outside of the city or the state because I traveled a lot. So most jobs that I've ever. In marketing, I've always had a traveling position. So it's hard to date somebody sometimes when you're in the city, especially when I was younger, if they aren't comfortable with a woman who travels a lot. So you end up dating people on the road.
So that was always interesting. So my experience has been, like, ebbs and flows is, you know, if you are dating somebody that's mature, that can handle you being on the road, and, you know, you live in the same city, then you're good. But if not, if he's got some insecurities, then you have to date somebody at your same level who also travels just as much as you do. So that's different.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: And how do you meet somebody who travels? Like, is there, like, a traveling group?
We travel for work, so we want to date in this pool of people that also travel. It's like they're like a network of y'all.
[00:06:12] Speaker C: Today. When I was in the music industry, you don't dip your. You know, you don't. As they say, you don't eat where you shit, right?
I did date a few people in the industry, so we met on the road, and it was a little bit easier because we were in the same industry, and it just made. It made sense. Now meeting people, I've done online dating.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: Isn't it tough? Isn't it rough? Oh, God, it's tough.
[00:06:44] Speaker C: It's rough. It's rough. So I've done the online dating. You know, I meet people out here and there, but Charlotte dating pool, everybody, like, five, three.
[00:06:56] Speaker B: But she's not wrong. So I was in Charlotte. I was out there in Charlotte for a conference, and it was my first time going. I remember before I went, folks said, oh, yeah, it has the same vibe and feel as Portland. And so they're like, oh, you're gonna love it, because it has, like, that same hometown y but city feel. And I'm like, okay, so I'm gonna love it. And I'm looking around like, ooh, I'm a love me a man out here, too, right? Let me find somebody. And I'm already a tall girl. I am hole five eight and a quarter. And I was looking around like, all right, shouties.
[00:07:30] Speaker A: She said, shout out.
[00:07:32] Speaker C: That's exactly how. And, you know, you want to give people a chance. So, you know, maybe the universe is saying, hey, you know, your man is five five. I don't think that you think that you do.
[00:07:43] Speaker B: You start giving little short folks little shots. Cause you're like, maybe this is what it's little short shots.
Like, maybe this is what God has planned for me.
[00:07:52] Speaker A: Oh. And so far, not, huh? So far.
[00:07:57] Speaker C: So I say all that to say. It's hard. I mean, at 40 years old now, I'm on the road, not as much. So I have to force myself to get out. Because when I'm not working, I'm like, okay, I'm at home. But, you know, he's not about to come knocking at my door, so I have to find a lounge. Or, you know, you want to find other places where you can meet people. Cause I'm not doing online dating anymore. That's.
[00:08:21] Speaker B: I feel like that's where I'm at, too.
[00:08:23] Speaker A: Yeah, I am brand like. So last season, we had an episode where we were talking about somebody who met their husband on an online site. And I was like, you ain't gonna find me on no online dating.
[00:08:34] Speaker B: And guess who we can find on online dating right now?
[00:08:36] Speaker A: Just one. Cause I was like, I'm gonna just dibble and dabble on this social media dating source. And I was right. I don't like it. And I. Yeah, it's not for me. I just. I'm an in person person.
[00:08:48] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:48] Speaker A: Except for it's weird. Cause I don't know how I meet people offline or out of state. I think I meet people out of state. Cause you meet them when you out with me. Goodness.
[00:08:58] Speaker B: She'll come visit me, and she'll be like, so I met someone great.
[00:09:02] Speaker C: And she's like, how?
[00:09:03] Speaker A: We were together, right, Pete?
[00:09:05] Speaker C: I'm like, in the airport. Did you. Where did you meet them?
[00:09:08] Speaker B: No.
[00:09:09] Speaker A: So I met a guy. Oh, this is bad. Trap house wasn't a good story, but it was a story.
We went to a go go live performance, and I met a guy, and we chatted for about a month or so. He flew me out, and it was horrible.
I got flew. I've been getting flew down.
They've not been great, but I've been flew out. I'm learning to not take every trip that is offered, but, yeah, so I meet people when I'm out, when I'm traveling, and, yes, not great.
[00:09:42] Speaker B: But on the subject of meeting people, when you're out traveling in India, this is a great question for you, too. So you're meeting folks and you're attempting to date. If they already live out of state, and much like you, you're established and settled where you are. What's the end game? How do you determine, like, this person is someone I want to take serious? Because that's kind of the point of dating, is meeting that one that you really want to dedicate your time and energy to. But if you guys live in Texas and Charlotte, like, who's moving for who? Like, why do we?
[00:10:14] Speaker C: Do you?
[00:10:14] Speaker B: Or do you like what? That's always been my hesitation.
[00:10:19] Speaker C: That's. That's a great question. Um, I think if somebody may not like this, but I think sometimes if you're bored, you might entertain it because it gives you something to do. However, if the conversation is interesting enough and you're open to moving, you may explore, like, hey, it's, you know, I'm open to it. For me, I need somebody within some level of close proximity. Like, if you're about four or 5 hours away, that's not too bad. It's not. And I'm saying, like, driving distance. I'm not driving, but it's still somewhat okay. But at this point, I need you closer. Like, because if I want to go on a date, I want to do something.
You're not close, and that's the struggle, because you might meet great guys on the road. And I think you use your judgment, like, if you just have a connection and you're like, wow. Like, I really want to continue talking to this person. You have to, you know, it's hard sometimes for me to decide, like, is it a non negotiable? I don't know if distance is completely a non negotiable. If I meet somebody that has a great vibe, we have a great conversation.
I'm open to exploring, but, you know, you have to ask those questions up front. Hey, we live in two different places. Who's willing to move? Not to say we're there yet, but, you know, are you open. Are you open to moving to a different city? And if they're like, no, then you already know what it is.
[00:11:45] Speaker B: And I felt like that was always one of the bigger hang ups that I had is because I've always wanted to be very intentional with dating. Sure, it's fun to just have fun, and that's cool and all, but for me, my intention has always been to find someone that I really want to spend my time with. And maybe that takes dating around to narrow it down. But if knowing that's my intention, and I'm like, you've got this amazing family and career and roots where you are, and that's not actually something that, where I want to move to, maybe my career won't allow me to make that move if I wanted to. So now I'm thinking, gosh, do I want to change my career pattern? And like, is this really how much of this? And then I'm sorry, I'm over here cutting myself off, but I'm thinking to myself, like, how do you get to know someone on the level of who they really are if you're not actually spending time with them in their environment on a regular basis? Also.
[00:12:44] Speaker C: And I've dealt with, or I've dated someone in the city, and our schedules don't align because we both travel so much and it's still hard to get to know them. So I think that's the challenge. Like, you, you have to, and if you're dating long distance, you're going to have to do FaceTime. You're going to have to, like, be, like you said, intentional. Make a schedule. We're not going to go two, three weeks without seeing each other. Is that realistic? I think if two people really want to do it, they will.
But I've dated someone in the same city, and it's like, okay, you're a parent. I'm a parent. I travel. You travel. So we're going three weeks without seeing each other. And I think no matter where you are, you have to be intentional, because the same thing can happen if you live in the same city.
[00:13:28] Speaker A: Right. No facts. And you mentioned being a parent. So in the situations where you've dated somebody long distance, where you've tried to make it work and maybe not, haven't gotten this far yet, but at what point do you introduce a person to your child if it's long distance, or do you ever?
[00:13:48] Speaker C: For me, I don't. Until we're serious. I do not. No one has ever.
Somebody's gonna see this, but one person. One person outside. Of course, his father has met my child, but no one, no one can meet him because if he's meeting you, one, you know, that's serious. Like, I mean, when I. Not just, hey, you know, let me, you know, this is a friend of a friend, but if you're meeting my son, if I'm introducing as a special friend or whatever the case may be, I want you to be in his life. I want you to build a relationship and when you're a parent, you have to be very cautious about who you put in someone's life and your child's life. But also, are you both in a good place? Right? Are you both in a good place because you don't want them getting confused like, well, mommy, where's this person? Where's that? What happened to this person? And we're not doing, oh, that's uncle. This uncle. No, we don't do that.
No, no, no.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: Oh, God, are you ever knowing that you snout to just my own transparency. I don't have children. So I've always wondered, I respect that we don't introduce men quickly to the kids, but how do you gauge the point where it's also necessary to see even how they would interact with our child? Like, say you have fallen in love with the one, and then when you do want to integrate and then you find out that, you know, I actually don't like your parenting style and I realize that you have children and maybe I've seen how you interact with your child, but it's different because it's your child. And now I'm having to see how you're going to interact with my child and respecting the boundaries and expectations in my home if there was never any kind of working up to that.
[00:15:44] Speaker C: Yeah.
So you have to be very, you have to listen with a very close ear what people say because I've dated someone with a child or children and I've dated someone who did it. And so, you know, you have to just pay attention to some of the context clues. You have to pay attention to how much are they with their own children. Right. What's the situation between, you know, them and the other parent? And sometimes you have no control over that. But, you know, I dated someone who has no kids but also is really big on mentoring young men and mentoring boys and, you know, wanting to make sure that they understand manhood and what's it like to be, you know, a young black male and has a true affinity for helping other young black males grow. Right. And so, and they don't have children. They want children. But you, you just have to not be afraid. Don't hold back on the questions. Right. How do you feel about, you know, step parenting? How do you feel about co parenting? Parenting? Because everyone has their thought about co parenting too. Like, you know, the parents are still sleeping together, all that. So you have to ask those questions because it is all a part of the process. And if they're like, well, everybody, you know, everybody still sleeps to get those. Then you already know they have a level of insecurity.
Yeah. So I think you have to ask them what their parenting style is. People don't ask those questions.
What's your parenting style? Do you want public, private? Do you believe in spanking? What's your spiritual, you know, beliefs? You have to ask all of those questions when it comes to disciplining someone else's child. And then ask about their own nieces and nephews. Like, hey, you know, what's your dynamic with your family? So I think people sometimes are afraid to ask someone that they're dating questions because they don't want to impose. But when it comes to your child, and if you decide to have another kid with someone, you need to know upfront, like, yeah, heaven forbid.
[00:17:51] Speaker A: Right.
Okay. So going back to the whole area code thing, now that you've had your experiences and things, what has been the worst and or best experiences that you've had dating outside of your area code?
[00:18:06] Speaker C: The worst?
Years ago, I was. Years, years ago, I thought I was dating someone. Oh, a whole situation somewhere else. And their wife, I think they're married now, is a very well known entertainer, and I had no idea. And I found out because, and not that, you know, it's not, when you're on the road, it's not uncommon that you're not at someone's house. Right. You live in different, you know. You know, but you learn very quickly, you know, when you're young, like, oh, okay, we're just meeting up on the road, like, but, you know, you think it's just you and this. Anybody who's in that game, you'll learn very quickly. But I sent something to them. I think I sent, like a little birthday gift. Oh, and, yeah, and there was a little clap back and not in a rude way, but it was kind of like, you know, about not sending something and. Yeah, and then I found out. I found out later on, like, they're with this woman who is. She's not exactly entertained, but she's in the entertainment industry, and they are married. And.
Yeah.
[00:19:21] Speaker A: Did you find out why you guys are still talking?
[00:19:23] Speaker C: Did you find out why you're still.
[00:19:24] Speaker A: Talking, or did you find out after you guys had kind of ceased communications?
[00:19:29] Speaker C: I found out after we ceased communication, but I knew something was up. Gotcha.
I knew something was up.
[00:19:37] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:19:37] Speaker C: And you say they weren't married then, but they're married now, allegedly. I thought they were married now, but I don't know when they got married.
[00:19:46] Speaker A: Oh, so that's probably like that. I'm gonna try to make it sound not as bad as it was. I'm gonna say we weren't married.
[00:19:52] Speaker B: Okay, so do you think. Do you think you would have been more aware of this situation if you guys were spending that same space? Like, you would have seen that there was this other woman if you weren't long distance? I mean, maybe you would have been around more. Cause I think that's the other piece. I also feel like when you're kind of dating someone that lives nowhere near you, you're a little out of sight, out of mind.
[00:20:16] Speaker A: You can be out of sight, out of mind in the same scene.
[00:20:18] Speaker B: I mean, you can.
[00:20:19] Speaker A: Cause I know people that got whole families down the street.
[00:20:22] Speaker C: And that's what I was gonna say. I mean, in wishful thinking, in hindsight, as women, we're like, oh, I wish. I think I would have known. I would have went to. But you don't know if you go into their house or the house that they take the woman to.
So, you know, I want to say, yes, I think I would have known. But I also know I was young, and I didn't know how to ask some of the right questions. Now, I have a very good intuition. So if something in my gut doesn't feel right.
Yep.
No.
[00:20:54] Speaker B: So then what was the best scenario that you've had?
[00:20:58] Speaker C: The best scenario.
[00:21:04] Speaker A: She'S like, clearly, I'm.
[00:21:05] Speaker B: Not dating person, so none of it works out.
They all came to an end at some point.
[00:21:13] Speaker A: Damn it.
[00:21:15] Speaker B: Well, let me ask this. What is the longest.
What's the longest length of time that you were in a relationship with someone in this situation? Like a year, two years?
[00:21:29] Speaker C: Probably. Probably about three years.
[00:21:34] Speaker A: Oh, you say you're not sure.
[00:21:35] Speaker C: Like, it's not a good thing.
[00:21:36] Speaker A: That's a long time.
[00:21:37] Speaker C: No, I had to think about it because, you know, it was a good two and a half, three years, and it was, you know, a little bit on and off. So let's say a solid three years.
Yeah, I'll say a solid three years.
[00:21:52] Speaker A: And then what ended that situation?
[00:21:54] Speaker C: Um.
Timing. Okay. Just, you know, just. Just timing. I think that it would have been a beautiful.
It would have been a beautiful ending had our timing been right. And I just. I just think that our timing was wrong, and I think we both hold a special place in each other's hearts. But timing that.
[00:22:17] Speaker B: Is there any revisiting that situation?
Is there a room for. To revisit that?
[00:22:23] Speaker C: No.
[00:22:23] Speaker B: No. No.
I didn't know. I didn't know, maybe you've timing aligned now or anything.
[00:22:30] Speaker C: No, but sometimes you just, you know, you got to know. Maybe timing is another lifetime. Just not this one.
[00:22:37] Speaker A: Okay, Erica Badu.
[00:22:39] Speaker B: See you next lifetime.
[00:22:41] Speaker A: Okay. Oh, my goodness. Okay, so what was the best out of town date that you've had?
[00:22:48] Speaker B: Ooh, did you go anywhere great?
[00:22:51] Speaker C: The best out of town date, probably in Miami.
Okay.
[00:23:01] Speaker A: Okay. Oh, she blushing. That was a good date.
[00:23:04] Speaker B: I feel like I want to know more. Did he fly you on a private jet? Like, how did this go?
[00:23:09] Speaker C: You know, one day. One day? No, he did not play fly me on a private jet.
We met up in. We met up in Miami and we both were there for work purposes. So sometimes you have to kind of use work and, you know, both are there. Look, we're going to make it a date.
What I think was so great about it is it was, you know, peaceful time on the beach, just talking, which you can't go wrong with. Sometimes. The perfect date is not dinner, roses, all the things. It's being able to be silent with someone.
[00:23:51] Speaker B: Oh, say that.
[00:23:54] Speaker A: That was. I said my best date was a really chill night. Yeah.
[00:24:01] Speaker C: We made time. Right. So even through the work schedule, like, it was like, we're gonna make time. And then, you know, a little bit of talking. A little bit of, you know, talking.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: She had to dustin booty cheeks off for a few times. Okay.
[00:24:21] Speaker B: Leaving ass prince.
[00:24:22] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
She said it was a quiet time on the beach. I bet it was.
But no, with that even being said.
[00:24:33] Speaker C: Then I would say it was perfect, because you can date someone, but in the end, but you can't be around them and in silence, right where you're still in tune.
So there were moments of conversation, but then there were moments of, I'm here, I'm with you. We're at peace. And that's a different level of a date. It doesn't, for me, it doesn't always have to be all the greets.
[00:24:59] Speaker A: And we've talked about that a lot, too. Like, you know, people saying that the ideal first dates, and we'll get into the list later on this season, but we've asked that question a few times, like, what is the best first date? And a lot of women say it's like the intentional planning of something. It doesn't have to be the most expensive place. It doesn't have to be.
[00:25:18] Speaker B: It has to be thought provoking.
[00:25:19] Speaker A: Right. Something that is memorable, that you took time to plan it, that, you know, I'm gonna enjoy this time with you. Like, that's always like, a good first date.
It may not be your first date, but you know what I'm saying. But, yeah, but really good. Good dates in general. But you did mention a little hanky panky. So we're curious.
[00:25:40] Speaker C: With long distance, she's like, I ain't.
[00:25:41] Speaker B: Sign up for this.
[00:25:43] Speaker A: I'm glad I closed that door.
Since that part. We say we're gonna close that door and make sure little man ain't hearing nothing. But no, how do you keep up with, like, your partner's needs or your needs when you're out of town or when you're away from each other?
[00:26:02] Speaker C: So grown woman, right? Like, you have to one you. We don't ask questions a lot, right? Like, I think we just assume what a person needs and you have to ask them, what are the things that you like and what are the things that you want?
And if you're willing to rise to the occasion, no matter what that is, you have to figure it out. Right? Like, for me, it may be making sure that they like tea. I'm gonna make sure once they get to their room, the housekeeping has brought up the tea that they like, and I'm gonna have them write a note. So that's one way, right? If we're not talking about on an intimacy level, if we're talking about intimacy level, you have to figure out, are we facetiming? Are we leaving voice messages? You know, what works, figuring out what works for them. But I like to do the things that they like. I'm gonna send you a gift. I'm going to. I'm gonna do something that you don't expect, but it's important to you while you're gone to make life easier for you, right?
That, for me, that's. That's how I make sure I meet their need. And I think it's not all about, you know, a sex thing sometimes it's about, what are you. What do you need to make sure you're at peace when you're done with the day?
[00:27:15] Speaker A: Okay, that makes sense. And how are your needs met? How have guys met your needs when, you know, not in the same area.
Mmm. Fellas, listen up. In case you want to date this Miss lady here. Go ahead, girl.
[00:27:29] Speaker C: So meeting my needs is scheduling me a day at the spa, right? I need a day at the spa and massage. If you're not here, somebody else needs to do it. Like she said, somebody to be touching this booty.
That is my whole love language. Physical touch is my leg. Look, love language. So if you're not here. I need some type of flowers. Like, I think I'm still a girl who likes flowers. I'm a woman who loves flowers. So if you're thinking about me, let me know. Right? Same. Same way for me, you know, surprise me with something. And it's not about the gifts, but maybe you send me a card. Maybe you. It's the text in the middle of the day, it's staying. If you're close to one of my friends, maybe passing something along through them. It's the little things for me, but massages, that's top notch.
[00:28:18] Speaker A: All right, so, fellas, fellas, Miss India, outside of Charlotte, North Carolina, if you trying to date her, send her a massage and end it with flowers. Okay?
[00:28:30] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:28:31] Speaker A: Oh, God. Okay. So you did give kind of some parameters about how far is too far, but would you ever consider dating somebody out of country?
[00:28:39] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:28:40] Speaker A: Hey, she said that's a vacation right there.
[00:28:42] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:28:44] Speaker B: And the only.
[00:28:45] Speaker C: And I say that because. Because I do think sometimes we limit.
If you've never been out the country and you've never experienced other cultures, I think sometimes we limit ourselves. And so, like, if it's somebody from Nigeria or Ghana or something, I want to. I'm open to it. Okay. But we need to really understand, what does that look like? You need to have dual citizenship already.
[00:29:15] Speaker B: Now let's be clear.
[00:29:16] Speaker C: Like, there is such thing as too far. You can be in another country, but I need to be able to be a part of your space, and you need to be a part of mine. Right. So I'm not opposed to it, but I would really have to see what does that really look like? And as you can probably tell, I'm open in some areas versus others. And probably I'm saying out of the country because I've never done it before. I don't know. I don't know. And I don't want to close myself off to the possibility.
[00:29:46] Speaker B: And are you someone that's comfortable with. If you met Mister right, you would absolutely up and leave where you live right now?
[00:29:53] Speaker C: Yes, absolutely.
And it's the travel bug in me. I mean, the person who has such an affinity for travel. So I've always been the person who's like, I don't have to. A house is just a house. Yes. You know, you want to make things a home, but your home is where you are.
[00:30:09] Speaker A: So I said a chair is still a chair.
[00:30:15] Speaker C: No, I would. I would.
Yeah, I would. I would move in a heartbeat. Like, I'm not even, you know, stuck to being in Charlotte. The rest of my life, I've lived in Charlotte, in Miami, in Texas, and, of course, Portland. And I'm okay if, you know, my forever is like, listen, I'm in Alaska. It's gonna be a struggle.
You're welcome.
And I need to see what that looks like for my child. But, yeah, I would consider moving, for sure.
[00:30:46] Speaker B: Would you ever move? Leave?
[00:30:47] Speaker A: I think I would. For the right person, I would. I absolutely would. I think it may take some time for me to figure out when the right time is to move. You know, I got a kid entering high school, and so I don't want to mess up what they've got going on right now. So that's really kind of my priority. But at the same time, for the right person, I can find the arrangements that would still work for my child wherever I go. But it would. It would be the right, right person. I don't know if I met that right person yet.
Just saying.
But, yeah, and you said, so.
[00:31:19] Speaker B: I don't know that. I don't know how I'd get to meet the right person based on how I prefer to date.
[00:31:26] Speaker A: Right.
[00:31:26] Speaker B: You know, like, I would be open to moving for the right person, but I don't know if my own blocks would allow me to invest in someone enough who doesn't live near me.
[00:31:38] Speaker A: Well, what if you met someone that did live near you and then they have to move for their work?
[00:31:42] Speaker B: Yeah, that's different, because now I've had that time to spend with them. Right.
[00:31:46] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:31:46] Speaker B: Much more frequently. I can kind of see how they are in their own environment, if their job is taking them somewhere else and they're, like, ready to propose to me, like, we're on that level of let's be together. Well, then, yeah, let's figure it out. Cause they're definitely keeping me in DC. There's work, obviously, but work those places.
[00:32:06] Speaker C: Then if you meet someone. Cause you both pose a question. If someone lived outside of the country. So what if now your mister right has to move out of the country?
[00:32:16] Speaker B: If they're mister right, then that's what we doing. Like, if we're on. If we're on that level. Because I feel that it's taken me steps to get to that level where I'm calling you mister right. And I'm thinking we have this future. Well, then, yeah, let's keep building. Let's keep going. Sure. It's just the courtship, I think, for me, of courting someone, getting to know someone that I have a really hard time doing that when I don't have the type of access to you when I want it.
[00:32:46] Speaker A: She said, when I want it. When I want it.
[00:32:48] Speaker B: I mean, like, I'm just saying if it's a Tuesday or Thursday evening, but, you know, you're wherever home is. Neither one of us are traveling to each other. I'm like, man, I gotta wait till next month just to sit on the couch with you. Like, oh, I don't like that.
[00:33:04] Speaker A: Sit on something.
[00:33:05] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:33:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:09] Speaker C: Like, in Charlotte, I may talk to somebody, and if you're on the road, it already feels like we're long distance because you can't come sit on the couch. And what if we both have kids now? We have to plan around our kids schedule. So that's the challenge. And I think probably that's why I'm a little bit more open sometimes to long distance, because you can be so close to somebody, and there's still so much distance because of your schedules. Right.
[00:33:36] Speaker A: So then why not?
[00:33:37] Speaker B: So it sounds like, though, that how you've navigated dating and relationships has been centered around your profession, because it's kind of put you in a not so common dynamic where you are traveling quite a bit. And that's. That's a blessing. It can be a curse at times, too, to, you know, constantly be on the go. But it's. It's thrown you into this reality of, this is what dating looks like for me, because this is my lifestyle.
[00:34:05] Speaker C: It sucks.
It sucks. And I'll be. Let's. Let's have a very candid conversation. You could have never told me at the. The beautiful age of 40 that I would not like, you know, not that I want, like, a white picket fence and, like, the perfect family, but you couldn't tell me in my mind, like, it would still be this challenging to be connected to the right person. And, you know, and I'm, as we all know, you go through your thirties, and you're like, whoa, wait a minute. Like this.
[00:34:42] Speaker B: I think you're right, though, because I feel, like, growing. And we've talked about this before, that we always have these, like, mental benchmarks, that when we were younger, we thought that by the time we got to this age, it. We would have done x, y, z. And by now, we were gonna be living like the Cosbys and have this traditional family life, and everybody was going to be done with education and done with their loans and doing this family thing. And it looks very different than, I think, what we thought it would look like at 40 when we were back in our early teens, you know, 14 stuff.
[00:35:16] Speaker C: And so with my job, I've been told, you know, someone told me one time, you're never gonna find a man. Cause you travel too much. And men want. Women want women that sit at home, Ruth.
[00:35:29] Speaker B: Right.
[00:35:32] Speaker C: I've had people. I've had a man tell me, yeah, you just don't seem like you have enough time because you're always on the road and it's a gut punch because you. I love what I do. Like, I've always had a passion for marketing and branding and the whole nine. And so as women, we have to. We sometimes we have to think, you know, we have to figure out, like, do I choose my career over love? And I don't feel like it should have to be that way. I feel like you find somebody who is confident and comfortable in their own world, in their own space, and you guys figure out what works for you. And I just know that my person hasn't arrived because I shouldn't have to compromise. And he won't either. We'll figure out what works best for us, but it won't be, oh, you travel too much or you, you know, you'll make sacrifices. I truly believe, right? Like, I've never been married or anything like that before, but there's some things I will pull back on, but I don't feel like my man is ever going to say, nah, compromise your career for me. And I'm not like a whole independent. Yeah, I'm not an independent woman. It's like, oh, you know, I'm marching to the top. I don't need a man. No, I need my whole boo. Right, next.
[00:36:42] Speaker B: When you look at other women in your industry, do you see many successful relationships? Is there any truth to what the guys are saying about, oh, no, you're not going to find the person. Cause you're not in one place enough. How does that look around with other women that do what you do? Kind of the same age bracket as you? Are there a lot of single women? Is this common or is this just someone who doesn't know what they're talking about?
[00:37:08] Speaker C: It's common. It's common. But I do think it's a balance. I can't speak and say it's all women, but I know there are a lot of us that are great women that, you know, we're kind of heads down marching for our career. And not that we intentionally try to not be in a relationship, maybe, you know, things just didn't work out. But there are a lot of us who, you know, have had the challenges of dating because someone, you know, maybe thought that we were too female or.
[00:37:42] Speaker B: And is it like that for men in, in your same. Is it like that for men in your same industry? Do you see many single men that are doing the same line of work as you? But sometimes I feel like women, we get this.
[00:37:55] Speaker A: We get penalized.
[00:37:56] Speaker B: We get penalized for being just as ambitious and being just as involved in our careers, but because it seems like men get the pick of how they want relationships to develop and women are waiting to be chosen, that there's more women waiting to be chosen, and men are out here being married or whatever their relationship goal is and still being successful in their career with no penalty. So in your industry, you know, we hear that they say, oh, the women, they don't, they're single, they're gorgeous, they're amazing and talented in all these things. But let a guy. Are the men, are the men having the same struggle?
[00:38:35] Speaker C: I think that there are some, lot of single men out there, but I do think that at certain levels in careers, in men's career, they have to kind of have a partner. And some of the men have felt like they have to have a partner to get to a certain level.
I don't think that it's all the time. But you do see that a lot at certain men in marketing. Well, excuse me, forget marketing. At certain executive levels that, you know, in order to be received well by their counterparts and not ask so many questions that they have to have a wife or something. Now, I hate, you know, I hate that somebody would choose somebody on account of not being judged by, you know, their colleagues.
But I don't see as many single men. I think that there are more men that have started, that have gotten married around maybe college or in their late twenties or thirties and they've kind of found someone. But I don't want to generalize.
And I do think the women are, you know, there's a, there's a stereotype that, you know, we're alpha females and we're not. We're so independent, we don't need anyone. And, and now you're, you're battling with your career. I mean, what people at your job are saying, like, you're too driven and you're too passionate, and then men are saying the same thing, like, you don't need us. And we're like, no, no, no, that's not true.
[00:40:00] Speaker A: So, so what kind of, like, what kind of man would then would be like, I guess, the caliber that you need? Because I feel like there's a certain level of man. And not to say, like, a man can't make as much as you or whatever, not putting, like, a financial boundary on it, but what kind of man is comfortable with the level of passion and drive that you have that doesn't intimidate them and they support that, but also still meet or match your energy?
[00:40:31] Speaker C: So one, I would say a, if you want to generalize the term, an alpha male, like, you have to be confident and driven in your own right. You have to be the king of your castle already and not looking for someone to elevate you. Like, you have to stand on your own. I'm going to support you, and I'm going to be your number one cheerleader. But you have to be driven and confident. Confidence is key. Not arrogance, but confident. Someone who is very driven. Because, again, I think a lot of people think money and only think about the money part, but you could lose it all. But do you know how to get it back? Is that person who already has that hustle mentality, who is always looking to continue to solve the next problem?
They're not just comfortable with just being comfortable. Right. They want to make change. They want to continue to grow and elevate themselves.
Not a person who's always like, oh, I just kind of want to be stagnant. That person is not in any way, shape or form concerned or scared of a woman or threatened by a woman like me, because they know that a woman like me, I'm not trying to be the man. I'm not trying to be them, um, because they already know who they are, so they're. They're not worried about me. Right.
[00:42:09] Speaker A: Okay. Again, fellas, spot spa dates and flowers. Spa dates and flowers. Okay, so in what ways, then, do you, um, build trust with somebody that, like, how do you build trust with somebody who's out of state or that, you know, in your situation that might travel a lot or whatever. How do you build that trust to have a successful relationship?
[00:42:31] Speaker C: Um, it starts with communication. I think that, um, you have to communicate and be open to being vulnerable, um, with your thoughts and feelings and not holding back, because if you hold back, then, you know, we get in our heads. And so at this point in my life, I'm going to ask questions, but I'll also go by your actions. I'm not an insecure person, so I'm not looking for something off right off the bat. Right. You can't go into any situation like, yeah, I know he got a woman somewhere. Like, who you're not even in a relationship. Like, don't, don't, don't think about that right now because one, when you start talking to somebody, if you think that they're not talking to anybody or they don't have you crazy. You're crazy. But I think it's just, it's communication.
It's being vulnerable is knowing to ask questions and not holding back. And people will, they'll show you. Right. Don't go in with expectations.
I think if we put expectations on people, they will, they will miss it.
[00:43:39] Speaker B: Let us down every time.
[00:43:40] Speaker C: Right? Every time. So you build trust by being, allowing them to be themselves. Be open. And if something's there, it'll come. It'll come out. That's for me. That's what I do.
We need to talk. Let's talk. Let's talk face to face. I also need to see your eyes.
[00:44:00] Speaker A: Yeah. And in my case, my eye, my ie. My ie.
[00:44:06] Speaker C: If we don't live in the same city, you can't just be calling me on the phone and texting. We can't have a sex relationship.
I need to see your face.
Yeah, you. Yeah, you got to see somebody's face.
[00:44:20] Speaker A: Okay, so what, I guess, like, what ways are. Okay, I'm trying to word this. How would you advise people who are interested in meeting people out of state? What are some good ways for that to happen?
[00:44:35] Speaker B: Right. Because I might reconsider. I'm sitting here listening, like, maybe this isn't the worst ever. So what advice would you give me to maybe reconsider? Like attempting to date someone out of state?
[00:44:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:44:48] Speaker C: Well, first I think you have to be open. Right? Open yourself up to going to different events, going, if you want to meet somebody. So must love beards in DC. I'm trying to get there at some point.
So one, be open, you know, to go into other places to meet people, especially when you go out of town. Be open to the possibilities. Don't have an initial expectation. Right. Don't have expectations of people when it comes to dating outside of the city. Like, and when I say expectations, like, I got to see you every Tuesday, then I go meet the expectation. Right. So if you already have set in your mind that the only way I can date somebody is if I see them every Tuesday, then they, they're not going to meet it. So just be open. Right. Be open to what they're comfortable with, what you're comfortable with, what works best for the both of you when it comes to, you know, dating outside of the city and make it fun. Right. So maybe you don't always meet up in your respective cities, but you find a new city to meet up in and meet each other. So if I'm in North Carolina, maybe I'm meeting up with somebody in DC, because I'm not comfortable with them being here. They're not comfortable.
[00:46:11] Speaker B: That's actually the advice that I have given this one over here about, like, dating. I was like, go somewhere. Neither of you, like, don't go to each other's hometowns. Meet up and go to, like, a saints football game in New Orleans.
[00:46:25] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:46:26] Speaker B: You know, like, why not?
[00:46:27] Speaker A: But even with that said, like, I've heard situations where people, like, do those, and it turns into fairy tale dating. Like that, that constant honeymoon dating, because, again, like, you say you're not going to their space. So then at what point do you say, okay, we're doing the fun things. We're doing the traveling things, we're making it work. We're meeting halfway, but then at what point do you say, okay, now we got to do the, I'm gonna come.
[00:46:50] Speaker B: To your hometown after you've done the honeymoon phase, right? Like, because every relationship has that honeymoon phase. I mean, you eventually start making your way to each other's hometown. But maybe in the beginning, it's a couple trips where each of you are intentionally dating out of your comfort zone to know that person, not on their home turf. And then if you decide you want to know them at home, then you get to see how they interact when they're in their own towns.
[00:47:15] Speaker A: I had a guy, so I had a guy on the date nap that suggested a whole plan for me already. He was like, we're gonna meet here. First date, second day, we're gonna meet here. Third date, you're gonna come to me. Fourth date, you're gonna. I'm gonna go to you. And I was like, bro, we haven't even talked to the phone. Like, this is. You're in the app talking to me like this.
[00:47:32] Speaker B: This is weird.
[00:47:33] Speaker C: Now, I've been on a date. I met somebody, and he told me right off the bat, he said, listen, I'm a traditional guy, right? I like to make more money. And we just had a deep conversation. He said, I like to like to make more money than my woman. I like to do x, y, and z. I want to be able to lead her, you know, that whole leading conversation. And I said, okay. He's like, and I like to plan. I like to plan dates. For me, I have to plan and be in control of so many things in my personal life. So somebody steps in my life and says, listen, and I don't take it as I'm trying to control you, but I take it as. Cause I still have a voice. I take it as, okay, you. Now, I don't know about three dates, but, hey, I want to plan the first two dates. You've told me what you like. I got it. Listen, when we get married, because I don't. I have to. There's the thought that women like to control everything, and I have to control so many things. Baby, come in and tell me what we gonna do. That's fine. What. What we eat for dinner.
[00:48:36] Speaker A: I do.
[00:48:37] Speaker C: I do.
[00:48:37] Speaker B: Kind of like, I'm the same way.
[00:48:38] Speaker A: Like, I.
[00:48:39] Speaker B: Because, you know, being single, I'm constantly planning everything in my life.
[00:48:43] Speaker A: I'm the only person working on my team.
[00:48:45] Speaker B: I am a team of one. So, yeah, if you want to come on in here and, like, alleviate these duties, please do.
[00:48:52] Speaker C: But to your point, Lee, it's a. It's a fine line. Now, if you haven't even asked me what I like.
[00:48:57] Speaker A: Right, that part. We haven't even got out the dating app yet. Like, we're still in the chat box in a date now. Like, I haven't, you know, let's have a text first. But I do have one more question before we kind of wrap it up. But I do want to know, like, when you date out of state, right. What are some ways that you stay safe? Because it's easy for someone to kind of manipulate the situation, lie. You know, we talk, we hear all the stories about everything else. So what are ways to stay safe while dating out of state or meeting somebody out of state?
[00:49:26] Speaker C: I'll say this without saying. I I have some friends. One, we do background checks.
[00:49:33] Speaker A: I was gonna say we didn't do the background check.
[00:49:36] Speaker C: Or two, and finally, you're somebody that's deeply rooted who can do a background check that the normal.
So, one, you want to do a background check because you want to know who you're dealing with. And two, you always need to tell somebody where you're going. Always, I don't care. And turn your location on.
Always turn your location on. Do not get in somebody else's car. Like, if I'm meeting somebody that, you know, we've talked on the phone a few times, even if it's in. In state, out of state. I'm driving my own car. I'm driving my own car. I'm going. You're not gonna. I'm not gonna go the same normal way. I will go home.
I change up the routine. But you always want to do a background check. You always want to tell somebody where you're going. You always want to turn on your location, and you need to go ahead and get that little picture of the license plate.
[00:50:29] Speaker B: Right. Right.
[00:50:30] Speaker A: Here's his face. Here's his license plate, the car that he drives.
[00:50:33] Speaker B: I will say that we definitely like, whenever you've done something or gone on a date, like, yeah, I can see you on my tracker.
I'll be tracking her.
[00:50:41] Speaker A: She does. She stalks me. I love it. Oh, my goodness. Okay, well, okay, Nick B, what are your takeaways from all of this? Since you don't like day night estate, but now you might be reconsidering.
[00:50:53] Speaker B: That is my biggest takeaway. My biggest takeaway is that I am willing to try to be a little bit more flexible, maybe a little more open. I think that if I can have a conversation early enough in possibly meeting someone to find out what they're hoping to gain from dating, because if they're just dating for fun, then I know that it's actually not going to go anywhere. But if they're dating for a purpose, then maybe we can navigate that. But I'll try to be a little more open. I'll try.
[00:51:23] Speaker A: I like it.
[00:51:27] Speaker B: A little.
[00:51:28] Speaker A: She's like, a little. Like a little mustard seed. Just a little. Yeah.
[00:51:33] Speaker B: I love it.
[00:51:35] Speaker A: I think for me, I feel like I'm doing it kind of right. I think I'm doing okay. Yeah. I'm not doing too bad.
[00:51:40] Speaker B: No.
[00:51:40] Speaker A: Maybe less out of state. Maybe more in state. Maybe I need to.
[00:51:44] Speaker B: I like it when you go out of state because then we can play.
[00:51:46] Speaker A: Cause I always end up in your state.
[00:51:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:51:47] Speaker A: Cause somehow my out of state dates in the printhurst state. That's very selfish of you. It is.
[00:51:53] Speaker B: And I love that.
[00:51:55] Speaker C: Is all the good men or the fine men or the eligible men.
[00:51:59] Speaker A: Oh, God.
[00:52:00] Speaker B: I don't have to go too far to find my guys, so you should be fine.
[00:52:03] Speaker A: What is the issue?
[00:52:04] Speaker B: I don't go out of state.
[00:52:05] Speaker C: In that case, disregard everything I say.
[00:52:09] Speaker A: Everybody go to the DMV. We'll find somebody for everybody.
India. Where can people find you if they want to connect with you or learn more about you or even just chat with you?
[00:52:19] Speaker C: So they can find me on Instagram. Or more Instagram than Facebook, which I have to remember what my Instagram page is because that's bad. It is. India.
India rose. 213 on Instagram. You can find me there. My page is private. But you can.
[00:52:46] Speaker B: But you can try.
[00:52:48] Speaker A: She's going to do some background check before she.
I'm nice.
[00:52:53] Speaker C: I'm really, really nice.
[00:52:55] Speaker B: I love it.
[00:52:56] Speaker A: Well, we know you are. We know this.
[00:52:58] Speaker B: And real quickly, Loree, what was your takeaway?
[00:53:01] Speaker A: Oh, that. I. I think I was doing okay.
[00:53:03] Speaker B: That you're doing okay.
[00:53:03] Speaker A: That I need to maybe try some more in person stuff, possibly because I'm too focused out of state, but I need to do some more in stuff. Nick B. Where can they find you?
[00:53:12] Speaker B: So I can be found on all of our platforms with dirty Roses podcasts, our website, our Instagram, our Facebook, our TikTok, or if you want to reach me directly, I can be found on Instagram. ICB underscore Nick B. And that's nick with a K. Miss Leela Rhee. Where can we find you?
[00:53:28] Speaker A: Hey, I am everywhere at Leelaree. That's Leighlarie, and that's on every social media platform. Of course, like Nick B. Said, 30 Roses podcast. 30 Roses podcast.com. Yes, and we'll catch all later.
[00:53:45] Speaker B: Guess what, Rose buddies? We are thrilled to introduce our new sponsorship packages. Be sure to hit us
[email protected]. To inquire how we can showcase your brand on our platform.
