What Men Want w/ Will Rodgers

[00:00:01] Speaker A: I'm Lila Ree. [00:00:02] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B. [00:00:03] Speaker A: Listen, we're just two single girls from the city of roses discussing all things love, lust, and perception. [00:00:09] Speaker B: And roses are a symbol of all things beautiful about love. [00:00:12] Speaker A: But as you know, love can get a little dirty. So we're here to talk about it. [00:00:16] Speaker B: Dirty Roses podcast starts now. [00:00:19] Speaker A: Hey, I'm Lela Ree. [00:00:20] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B. [00:00:21] Speaker A: And welcome to Dirty Roses Podcast. Guess what we doing today? [00:00:25] Speaker B: What we doing? [00:00:26] Speaker A: We talking about what men want. [00:00:27] Speaker B: I wanna know what women want. Oh, wait, I wanna know. I wanna know what men want. [00:00:34] Speaker A: Yes, she does. So do I. Every episode, we start with a story. So I'm gonna tell the story, and then I'm gonna shoot it to you because you know our esteemed guest today. [00:00:44] Speaker B: Okay. [00:00:44] Speaker A: All right, all right. So what men want. So today's story. There's a married man, and he. His wife believes that she is giving him everything that she. That he wants. She cooks, she cleans. They have a regular sex life. They takes care of the kids. She works, she contributes. She does all these things that she believes a good woman should do. Right? Well, he is communicating or trying to communicate with her, but also communicating with his friends that he is unhappy. And it's not because she's not a good woman. It's because he's not getting what he needs out of the relationship, and he is not able to communicate that with her, and he doesn't know how. So this episode is kind of like discussing what men want, how they can communicate that to us as women, and then how can we give them what they want? Okay, so today's guest. [00:01:37] Speaker B: Yes, today's guest is actually one of my really good, personal, close, long, lifelong friends. Like, it's hard to hear with this. Known each other forever. We'll just say that. And one thing I love about this guest you are soon going to meet is that he is very opinionated, for one, but he's also very articulate. And that is what we're diving into today is communication and understanding essentially what the opposite sex is looking for and finding that breakdown between the two and why the communication and the gap is there. So without further ado, welcome. Will. Thank you for being here. Yes, no problem. [00:02:24] Speaker C: Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it. [00:02:26] Speaker B: So let me just start by asking, why are you passionate about discussing this specific topic with us? [00:02:32] Speaker C: So I feel like there's a lot of miscommunication when it comes to men and women. I feel like men's roles are kind of defined of what Men are supposed to do to like, make women happy. Not saying that that happens, but I feel like the role, the gender role is kind of defined. I feel like the vice versa is not super defined for everybody to understand. So I want to kind of give some clarity to things that we're actually looking for and not what is just assumed that we're looking for what we need. [00:03:00] Speaker B: So you first said something that intrigued me. You talked about gender roles. Do you believe in gender roles? [00:03:07] Speaker C: So I believe there's a place for gender roles and I believe there are certain parts of gender roles that still need to happen. But I feel like there's also a place where with communication, you can kind of open that up and decide what's right for your relationship. I think for every relationship, that's going to be a little different. [00:03:24] Speaker A: So what is a gender role? Like, what are the roles? [00:03:29] Speaker C: I think we have the, the idea that men are supposed to kind of provide and protect and women are supposed to be home with the kids and they cook and clean. I feel like those are the gender roles that people are kind of accustomed to and what they think. I think that's changed a lot over time, especially because women spend a lot of time in the workplace as well. So it's not going to be just as cut and dry simple as we make it. And as things have evolved with, you know, having two income families, that has to. That has to evolve in how you look at gender roles as well. So I think it's a lot more communication that's needed to make sure that we both understand how to make and keep everybody happy in the household. [00:04:08] Speaker A: Well, what's the biggest miscommunication or misconception about relationships that create this barrier of communication? [00:04:21] Speaker C: I don't know if it's that it's such a big misconception. I think there's just a lot of miscommunication. I don't think we talk enough in the beginning about what my needs are, what my, my deal breakers are, my non negotiables of like, things that I have to. Have to be in a relationship. So I'm gonna give one example just so we can keep this kind of light. I could never be with a woman that doesn't drink. [00:04:44] Speaker B: That doesn't what? [00:04:45] Speaker C: That does not drink. [00:04:46] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:04:48] Speaker C: Now why I see the O over there like that, but let me explain this a little bit. I drink. And have you ever been the sober friend at the party? [00:04:55] Speaker B: It's boring. [00:04:56] Speaker C: And watch everybody else. It's horrible. I would never. I don't Think. I think it would be really hard for me to have a relationship with someone who didn't understand the other side of that because they just always had a big personality. [00:05:09] Speaker A: Well, what if someone had a big personality and didn't need to drink and was okay being the sober friend? [00:05:15] Speaker C: Look, again, everybody got their own things. For me, this is one of them. This is one of them. Now, I'm not saying that you have to be a lush, but I'm saying you're gonna have to have a drink with me occasionally and hang out, because it's one of the things I enjoy doing. So for me, I just know that that would be a very difficult situation to be in with someone who didn't, because at some point I'm gonna be drunk and you're gonna look at me and be like this drunk fool. So I'm trying. I need. I need you to understand. I might be a drunk fool, but I need. I need you to look at it like, yeah, but that was me last week, so, you know, we good. There's a mix in there that needs. [00:05:47] Speaker A: So many questions though. [00:05:49] Speaker C: So. [00:05:49] Speaker A: No, but really, if you were like, talking to someone, you met a lady and you just were vibing out, you had a really good energy, you guys hung out in situations where drinking wasn't involved and you really like this person, but then you guys go to have a drink and she's like, oh, I don't drink. Is that a deal breaker for you? [00:06:08] Speaker C: I'm not going to say it's an automatic no, because depending on the situation, things might work out. So I don't think anything is a. There's not a lot of things that I'm gonna look at up front and be like as an automatic no, but it's definitely gonna make me be on guard and be like, huh? How is she gonna react in this moment? [00:06:23] Speaker B: So I got a question for you. [00:06:24] Speaker C: And I don't know how many situations we gonna be in that I go on dates and ain't no drinks involved. So true. [00:06:32] Speaker B: So I got a question for you. So you initially said something about not being heard. Now my question is, did you mean that in the context that women aren't asking you what your needs or that you're saying them and we're not processing what they are. [00:06:51] Speaker C: Which one do you want to do first? [00:06:52] Speaker B: You take it how you want. [00:06:54] Speaker C: Okay. So I haven't been asked a lot what my needs were. I feel like that's a very rare question from women. I feel like I'll get the more of what's your five year plan? Like, I feel like I get more of the professional type questions to show my stability of like what I can bring financially to the table, but what my actual like emotional needs are. I don't feel like that's a question that's ever really asked. [00:07:18] Speaker B: Okay, so asking you right now, asking you right now, what are some of your, what's your biggest emotional need? Go ahead. [00:07:29] Speaker C: My biggest, I'll tell you what my biggest need is. I, at this point in life, my biggest need is peace. Peace. [00:07:34] Speaker B: Peace. What does peace look like to you? [00:07:37] Speaker C: Okay, so peace means that I feel like in a lot of relationships because we both work and a lot of the times now I feel like peace means that I don't have to compete with you about how your workday was versus how my work day is. I am a 6 1, 225 pound black man. When I walk into a room, it's not going to be the same as when you walk into a room. What I have to deal with at work is not the same things you have to deal with at work. But I feel like being a black man like this, a lot of what I get is, oh, well, we have to deal with this too. We deal with that. And we're not saying that you don't deal with things at work. We're just saying that we deal with different things. So what I don't want to come. What I don't want to do is have to have the same energy that I have at work when I get home. I compete all day at work. Everything I'm doing is competing to get something done. When I come home, I don't want to do that. I want to be able to come home. Now we can discuss our days and talk about it, but I don't want it to turn into the, well, I'm doing this, I'm dealing with that. I want it to really just be able to be an organic conversation that we just kind of can be able to let go. I have a safe place to be. A lot of the times I found it's not really a safe place when you come and have this conversation with your significant other because they're so focused on what's going on with them that I don't really get the, the release that I need. And so then I'm holding that and it turns into other issues down the road. [00:08:57] Speaker A: Now how do you communicate that you need better communication? [00:09:05] Speaker C: You know, I think that's the million dollar question. I think at some points people have it and some people Don't. I think it's a learned skill. I think communication is something that you really have to work on and you have to understand. A big part of communication is listening. And I feel like our generation does a really bad job of listening. We do a lot of talking, but we do a horrible job of listening. I'm in sales and people always are like, oh, you speak so well. You know, it makes sense that you sell. Nicole, you've actually said this to me, like, oh, you know, you're a natural seller. The reason why I'm successful in sales is because I listen better than I. More than I talk. I usually ask questions like, this is probably the most talking I'm gonna do all day long. But I ask questions and just let me. Let people tell me things, and then I use the things that they tell me to figure out how to sell them. And so in communication, it's really just more about listening to what the other person says and being able to pull out the things that they need. For me, these are learning. [00:09:58] Speaker B: I wonder for you, like, would it be ideal that you also matched with somebody who's got like a sales thought process? I mean, if it's the same concept of listen first, speak second, then you would be getting that same emotional need of someone hearing you. Right. [00:10:14] Speaker A: Or it's a quiet ass conversation. [00:10:16] Speaker B: Oh, they wouldn't be talking about everybody listening, Nobody talking. [00:10:20] Speaker A: No, you go, I'm listening. No, I'm listening. [00:10:23] Speaker C: It. It sounds good in theory, but it's a lot of bad sales people, and it's a lot of sales people that want to talk more than they listen. So just because you're in sales doesn't mean you understand that you need to listen more than you talk. And it's said a lot. You know, people always talk about you have two ears and one mouth, but it don't stop people from talking. [00:10:41] Speaker B: That's a fact. [00:10:42] Speaker A: So question then. Nick B. And I have talked about this before, like where we love the way that we want to be loved, but because of that, we attract people who don't love us the way we want to be loved. They receive what we give and don't give it back. So, like, for you being a listener, you're probably attracting people who also don't feel heard and over talk. So how do you combat that? When you're looking for someone? [00:11:11] Speaker C: I don't need someone who's like me. And if you're too much like me, you're probably not a good match for me. And I'm probably not going to spend too much time talking to you. I feel like I'm going to say this, and y'all probably both gonna look at me. Crazy. Women have ideas of what they want in their head, and they're like, hey, I want A, B, C and D. I feel like a lot of us don't function. A lot of men don't function on that same wavelength. There are certain things that we look for. Do we want to be attracted to someone? Yes. Attraction is an important thing. But do I need a woman to have, like, to be financially stable and to have this or to, you know, to look like this? Not necessarily. I've had a relationship with someone who was absolutely gorgeous, and I've had a relationship with someone who was, like, attractive. But, you know, it wasn't. Attraction, wasn't what brought me to them. It was everything else that brought me to them. So I feel like dealing with someone who's just like me. We're just gonna butt heads. I. I don't need. [00:12:05] Speaker B: So. So you just kind of made a comment about women. Have we. We have these checklists, right? Do men not have any checklists? I mean, do you just walk up to any old body and be like, you could be a potential. Let me find out. Or you. I mean, there's gotta be something that leads your. Outside of just physical attraction to continue. Want to continue a relationship. [00:12:26] Speaker C: Okay, so as men, we're usually. We're usually pursuers, right? [00:12:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:31] Speaker C: So as being the pursuer, if I come up to you, there's already something about you that's made me be like, I'm interested. [00:12:37] Speaker B: What about the ugly girl, though? You just said the ugly girl. So what made you go up to the ugly girl? [00:12:42] Speaker C: She need love, too. It's probably just not gonna be for me. [00:12:44] Speaker B: Not. The ugly girl needs love, too. [00:12:46] Speaker A: She had a big old booty. [00:12:48] Speaker B: She had a booty on her. [00:12:50] Speaker A: Be honest. She had a booty. [00:12:52] Speaker C: I mean, there's probably a moment when that happens, too. Depends on, you know, the situation. [00:12:57] Speaker A: But the way he just skirted around that means she had a big old booty. [00:13:01] Speaker B: She had a big old butt. [00:13:03] Speaker C: That ain't. That ain't a big butt. Ain't everything. So, look, fade. So let's just. [00:13:07] Speaker A: But it drew you in. [00:13:10] Speaker C: In my. In my 40s, I don't look like what I look like in my 20s. I still think I look pretty good, but I still don't. You know, my body is not shaped the same, and I feel like it's the same for everybody, so it's not Everything is not about physical attraction. But I mean, for men, there's going to be a point of, hey, I'm a. I think she's attractive. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go talk to her, and then we're gonna see what happens from there. Now, just because you're physically attractive, I'll talk to some really attractive people that were shallow and not shit. So you can be as attractive as you want to. And it just. That's just not everything. And it's been the same vice versa. You can have a conversation with somebody and the conversation can be great and they not be the most attractive person, but because the conversation is so great in the way your. You can continue to have that conversation, I think it's. I think that can be a little dangerous, though. I think you need to be attracted to the person that you're with, because without that kind of physical attraction, I feel like when things are great, it doesn't give you that, ooh, but damn, she looked good moment that you have. Like, you could be mad at your woman and she get out the shower and you look and be like, she. On my damn. [00:14:12] Speaker A: You don't want her to be put up with no bullshit. [00:14:15] Speaker C: You might. But you know what, though? That works the same. It works the same both ways. I feel like a woman wants someone that they can look at and be attracted to as well, because if your. [00:14:24] Speaker A: Man'S ugly, you're gonna be like, but you still got big titties. [00:14:28] Speaker B: Just the man. [00:14:30] Speaker A: Yeah. You'd be like, don't make me mad because you still got. You know what I'm saying? Like, don't piss me off. So question then. So after you've gotten past the initial, like, attraction phase, you guys have, you've decided that you're like, I want to pursue something deeper. At what stage and how do you communicate what your needs are to then decide whether or not this person can meet those needs? [00:14:52] Speaker C: Okay, so I can. I'm going to speak from my. My perspective, and I'm also going to explain that, like, I feel like men who are in the right space, this is where they're going to come from. Because all men are coming from the right place. And so I can't say, well, we as men feel this way, because it's a lot of men just out here just doing whatever. So I am very vocal. And because I. Because of what I do and kind of how I am, it's really easy for me to communicate how I feel. Vulnerability is an important thing, and vulnerability actually starts with men, we are supposed to be the ones that show some type of vulnerability to show you that we're actually interested in who we're talking to. And to show you that, like, hey, I want to kind of push things to another place. That's our responsibility as the man to kind of make those things happen. So when that time comes, I feel like one, you should already know that I'm interested because my actions are going to show you I'm interested. I've told my female friends for life, if you don't think he's interested, he's not interested. Because any man that's interested is going to act and treat you as he is interested. That's always the way that's going to be. So you never have to worry. If you're wondering if someone is into you, he's not that into you. Because if he was, everything he does is going to show you that he. That he is. And I've heard people be like, well, you're not all men. I've been a man for a long time, and all the men I know feel the same way. If we interested, there's nothing that's going to stop us from showing you that we're interested. So if you go, if you worried, like, oh, well, he's not calling me. He's not reaching out. He's not this. He's just not that interested. You should probably stop talking to him. [00:16:26] Speaker A: And is that at all stages and levels of men's mentality? [00:16:30] Speaker B: Right. Because I feel like I know guys that are into me and they don't always exude energy. [00:16:35] Speaker A: Right. [00:16:36] Speaker C: Then they're not that into you. [00:16:38] Speaker B: Even if they watch the Catch bitch. [00:16:42] Speaker A: So basically, if someone says they're ready to take you on a date, but they don't take you on a date, then they just not interested. [00:16:48] Speaker C: So, okay, so we talked in two different places because the question you asked is like, starting to kind of push things beyond, like, the attraction and things. So right in the beginning, if he's not trying to spend time with you and it's like, oh, baby, you know how you want to come over? You want to this clearly, you know what that's about? Any man that has a genuine interest in you is probably going to want to take you out. Even if it's, hey, let's go sit down and have coffee. Like, we're going to go do something that doesn't revolve around sex. Because at some point, sex is not the number one thing that, like, sex is not the number one thing that I Need. I prefer a connection and some peace and some respect and some trust. Now, don't get me wrong, I still want the sex. Like, I still want that. But it's not the number one thing that I need. Because it's plenty of people having sex and their marriage has failed. Even though, like, you talked about in the beginning, hey, they were. They had a good sex life. They had this, and it still failed. How does that happen? Because the other things that were needed weren't there. So it's not just about sex or physicality. Like, there's other things that are needed. Men are really simple. I think, because women are more complex than we are, women make it a lot more difficult to understand. Like, we pretty much say what we need, and we're simple. So if you tell us what you need, we gonna have an idea. But if you. If you sit here and think that we're supposed to guess and understand what your needs are, you gonna be disappointed. [00:18:07] Speaker B: So while I hear you and I think I mean respectfully, respectfully, what you're saying is obviously on par because you're delivering from a male's perspective. But I know, like, Lee and I were talking earlier today about a situation where she's still figuring out if the guy was ever really into her and where things went wrong. And it's kind of like, well, if it was that simple and if it was that cut and dry, why. Why are we still figuring it out months later why it didn't work out? [00:18:42] Speaker C: I mean, look at the. Look at the beginning. We're going to show what everything we do should show you what you need to see. So if it's not any. Okay, from my perspective, if I'm interested, you're going to get text messages in the morning. You're going to get a text message throughout the middle of the day or a phone call. [00:19:00] Speaker B: First of all, are you the type that sends Good morning, Beautiful text? [00:19:03] Speaker C: Absolutely. [00:19:05] Speaker B: Why? [00:19:07] Speaker C: Let me finish. And we gonna come back to Good morning, Beautiful because I feel like, first. [00:19:10] Speaker A: Of all, you're not meeting my needs because you're not listening. [00:19:15] Speaker C: Online dating has jaded women. With Good morning, beautiful, I should be able to tell you that I think you're beautiful and say good morning to you without you feeling a certain kind of way. Online dating has jaded. Is jaded. That because you can be talking to six different guys at one time, and everybody tells you, hey, beautiful, you don't really know who's interested. So now you're looking at the picture like, well, hey, beautiful is a red flag. Because everybody that says this disappears. That's not what that is. That you don't even know if that man was truly interested or not. And now you judging the rest of us based on if he was interested or not because of what he said. That ain't got nothing to do with me. If I say, hey, beautiful, that's exactly what I mean when I say good morning. [00:19:50] Speaker A: But that's you. [00:19:51] Speaker C: Everybody don't get a hey, beautiful. Because that's not how I feel about everybody either. [00:19:55] Speaker B: But what I'm also saying is that I think the issue behind the hey, beautiful that most women have, and I can't speak for all, but I at least know for me that a lot of times, hey, beautiful. Good morning, beautiful, grand rising queen, whatever, Is also not followed with any context. There's no more conversation behind that. And so it feels like a daily to do list. Like, okay, got that out of the way. I acknowledged her this morning. Now let me go on and move on. And it's sort of like when I get those messages, I'll take a moment to be like, hey, good morning. What's going on with you? How's work going, man, my morning has already been crazy. Like, I'll follow it up with something and I won't hear nothing back from them, which kind of reinforces that you really didn't want to chat with me if I was on your mind. Well, what were you thinking about? Because you haven't told me. So for what? [00:20:50] Speaker A: He's breadcrumbing you for sex? [00:20:52] Speaker B: Breadcrumbing me to death for some sexes. [00:20:56] Speaker C: So let's, let's go. Let's, let's. Let's rewind. [00:20:59] Speaker B: He's so calm. [00:21:02] Speaker C: I'm pretty mellow most of the time. Any man that is truly interested will show you that he's interested. So just because you get a hate a Good morning, beautiful text, if nothing follows behind that, what should that start to tell you? [00:21:14] Speaker B: That you. [00:21:16] Speaker A: You can call me. Will call me. [00:21:19] Speaker C: Yes. [00:21:19] Speaker A: Thank you. So girl meets guy in elevator. [00:21:24] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:21:25] Speaker A: Guy asks girl for phone number and expresses interest and then follows up with the good morning beautifuls and nothing else. [00:21:35] Speaker C: So I probably get. If it was me, I'd probably give that a couple conversations to see. And there's nothing wrong with asking the question. Be like, hey, I wrote back to you this morning. You didn't respond. What's up? [00:21:46] Speaker A: Does that come off as pushy or needy or naggy? [00:21:51] Speaker C: No, not at all. And here's the thing. To anybody who's actually interested they're going to be like, oh, hey, sweetheart, my bad. I got busy. I was doing this. I'll make sure I respond. Like, now he understands that you want something and that I can. I can go ahead and be like, hey, I can do this. But if I never know that's how you feel. I don't really have a response to that. Like, we know what. What women tell us. We are literally this simple. I'm going to give you an example. I read this story, and it talked about a girl talking about Valentine's Day. She's like, baby, I don't want anything. I just want to be with you. I don't want to do anything. She gets to work, there's no flowers. She's like, oh, everybody else getting flowers? She don't get flowers. Then she's like, okay, well, he's going to send me flowers. Well, the day ends, she's never been sent flowers. So he comes to pick her up. She's like, oh, I know there's flowers in the car. There's no flowers. They get home. I know he has a plan for us. There's some flowers. She gets home, there's no plan. There's no flowers. Now she's like, well, do you not love me? I don't understand. And he's like, well, baby, you told me you didn't want anything. He did exactly what she said, but because he didn't do what she wanted him to do because she didn't express that, now she's irritated. We are literally this simple. If you want something, tell us. And we can be like, oh, okay, cool. But women feel like sometimes, not all women, because I don't want to. I don't want to put this on everybody, but women feel like, well, he should just know that I want this. [00:23:04] Speaker A: Well, how am I going to. He should, God damn it. Sometimes. So hold on. [00:23:09] Speaker C: This is what leads to the disappointment, though. If we should just know. Expectations without communication leads to disappointment. [00:23:16] Speaker B: Okay with the preachy preach. But no, you're okay. I hear you. I also think that determines on how long you've been dealing with that person. Because at some point, I get to a point where I don't always want to have to coach you to love me. I'll tell you in the beginning, I'll absolutely show you love in ways that I would appreciate being loved at times. And sometimes it's merely about being thought about. And it's oftentimes hard to feel that the thoughts are genuine. If I'm telling you to think, you know, like, there's some stuff that I need the guy to think through a little bit on their own. So, sure, if girl is saying, I don't want anything for Valentine's, I just want to spend time with you, but that doesn't mean that the two of you can't go do something. And that sounded like maybe that's what she wanted, even though she didn't say it right. [00:24:09] Speaker C: So, again, how am I supposed to know what you want if you don't tell me? [00:24:12] Speaker B: Because you should know your girl. You should know your person. [00:24:15] Speaker C: That's not how communication works, though. And this is where we run into an issue, because we have expectations of people that we don't talk to them about. And then we're irritated. And this. This creates resentment down the road. Because now you're like, well, there's been these times when you didn't do A, B or C for me. And I'm sitting here like, well, Danny, maybe all you had to do is let me know what you needed, and we probably could have worked this out. [00:24:36] Speaker B: But don't you think that that sounds good in the very beginning stages of courtship and dating, but not after you've been with them and know that this is what their needs are? You observe people, you. You witness their mood changes. You do a lot of trial and error after being with somebody for a certain amount of time. That. Not that everything needs to be unsaid, but some of the simple stuff doesn't have to be always stated. [00:25:00] Speaker C: So are we looking for everything to be smiles and roses and romance the whole time? [00:25:05] Speaker B: No, but we were talking about Valentine's Day the one day. [00:25:08] Speaker A: To her point, though, to her point, what I think what she's saying is that you're dating somebody. You've communicated what your needs are, what your wants are. At some point, you've express this. Now, using Valentine's Day as an example, if every Valentine's Day, you want, like, the girl wants flowers, whatever, whatever, why at year three, four, or five, do we still need to coax you on what we need? If we've already told you and you've fulfilled that need after being told, do we have to keep telling you? And that part feels repetitive and disingenuous. [00:25:43] Speaker C: Oh, no, I don't think your needs have to be repeated over and over again. But if you tell us one thing and expect something else, that's not really. [00:25:51] Speaker A: That's fair. [00:25:52] Speaker C: And in the example, she said, I just want to be with you. I don't need anything, but still expect it. So, no, I'm going to give you an example. If I know that you like flowers and flowers are something that's important to you as a person that's interested in you, I probably should be able to bring you flowers to make sure that I'm doing the things that are important to you. And this is where I think there's a difference between dating a real man and somebody that just wants to have sex with you. Somebody that just wants to have sex with you is going to do that. They're going to do the bare minimum. They're going to do enough to show you that they're interested, but they're not. [00:26:22] Speaker A: Going to no follow up. [00:26:25] Speaker B: So kind of shifting gears a little bit because this topic is more about what. What men want, and I think we're starting to focus on what women are wanting. So you said something earlier about vulnerability. And what does. What does it look like for you to feel safe to be vulnerable with a woman? And do you feel comfortable crying in front of a woman. [00:26:48] Speaker C: Okay. That you be asking, like, these three part questions. [00:26:56] Speaker B: I'm sorry. I'll work on it. [00:26:58] Speaker C: So. Okay. Vulnerability, I feel like, comes from having a good conversation with someone and building some kind of trust and rapport. And so the first part of vulnerability for us is we have to come talk to you. That's already a vulnerable situation because I don't know what I'm going to get when I come over. So the minute I come talk to you, there's a chance you get rejected. So I'm already putting myself out there. So that's the first part. The next part is after we start to talk and we've been on a few dates and we have a good time together. Like, it's my responsibility to tell you, hey, you know what? I'm really, like, enjoying this. I'm really feeling you. That's me making myself vulnerable again, because at that point, I don't really know what you're gonna say. So now if I'm paying attention, I should have some idea. But that's not always how that works either, because sometimes y'all hold things very close to your chest. So. But it's my responsibility to be like, hey, you know, I'm feeling you. I'm into you. Like, when your relationship goes from dating actually into a relationship, typically that's the man's responsibility to kind of push that forward. We're making ourselves vulnerable by doing that. The things that make me okay with being vulnerable like that is knowing that I have someone who's actually listening to me, who's giving me the time and attention that I need, that I require, that wants to actually be around me as much as I want to be around them. There's something about that beginning stage when you're into somebody where it's like you feel like you always want to be around them. You guys can fall asleep on the phone together. There's like those things that happen that let you kind of know, okay, this person is into you. Those type of things are what make me feel like, okay, it's okay to be vulnerable enough to tell this person how I'm feeling. [00:28:35] Speaker B: And have you ever cried in front of a woman? [00:28:38] Speaker C: Yeah, it's been a few times, but. [00:28:40] Speaker A: I feel like it wasn't your mama. [00:28:47] Speaker C: Oh, but okay, so there's a thing with us about crying in front of women. There's only so many times that we get to actually truly show our emotions as men. We are taught from the time we are boys all the way through that you need to suck this up and hold this. So a lot of the times we hold a lot of things because that's what we've been taught. It's not healthy. It's not what we should do. Crying is meant to really cleanse you and make you feel, you know, for you to be able to have a release. But that's not something that we're generally taught. We're generally taught to hold that. Suck it up. You okay? Get up. Don't cry. Don't be a little pump. So crying for us is difficult from that standpoint. [00:29:26] Speaker B: I just gotta let you know that you got our men producers nodding their heads back here like, say that louder. Yes. They're all back here like, yup, yup. [00:29:36] Speaker C: The next part of this is I can cry. I can cry at a funeral. I can cry for certain situations, but if I cry just because I'm emotional and that happens one or too many times now, all of a sudden, I'm a punk. I'm this. I'm that I'm not really a man. And it's really easy for women to tell us, well, you need to act more like a man, and you need to do A, B and C. That is probably the most aggravating thing that we ever hear is where you need to be a man, tell a woman she need to be a woman, be more of a woman, and see how she flips out. You don't know nothing about being a woman. You don't know nothing about what we go through. Da, da da, da, da, da da. But it's always interesting because Women are so quick to tell us to be a man. Y'all don't know nothing about blame. No man. [00:30:18] Speaker A: So question. I hear this a lot from men that say that they don't like being vulnerable around women because they feel like it's going to be weaponized against them. Is that a common thought? [00:30:28] Speaker C: Yes. [00:30:29] Speaker A: Okay. [00:30:29] Speaker C: But it's not a common thought. It's because this is. These are our experiences. Our experiences have taught us that if you are too emotional in front of women, they're going to use that against you later. Oh, when your punk ass was crying or when you was doing this, right? Like, see, you was being a big punk then, or you was da, da, da, da. Like, that's what we deal with. And these are all things that, like, we kind of have to either just suck up and be like. So when women say, well, you got. It's okay for you to be vulnerable and for you to cry, well, that's not our experience. And a lot of what we do in life is based on learned experiences. You learn not to touch the stove because the stove is hot. So how many times can I cry in front of a woman? If crying in front of a woman has led me to be chastised and be talked bad to and to be told that that's not what I'm supposed to do, why would I want to do that? Do you know the amount of trust that I would have to have to allow myself to go there with you? Like, I don't even cry in front of my boys like that. Like, that's not something that we do now in certain situations. Everybody understands. If I had a problem and his mom passed away, it was expected there was going to be some tears from that. You know what I mean? But it's like, when we get two or three months down the road, it's like, bro, you have to suck some of this up. You can't keep crying like this. Like, that's the expectation that we have of each other, because that's the way we were raised to think about it. And I hear a lot of women say now, well, it's okay if the man cries. Well, we don't have that proof. We haven't seen that. So how can we show. How can we be vulnerable in that way when every time we've done that, it's been thrown back in our face or shown that it wasn't okay? [00:32:02] Speaker A: So you mentioned, though, also that you. You can't cry or you don't cry in front of your homeboys. So what is what Piece of that also falls into how you guys are around each other. [00:32:15] Speaker C: So we find ways to communicate with each other. And since we know that we don't. We're not. We don't get to be overly emotional. We have a lot of conversations about things where we kind of express how we feel and let things out and get the emotional part out without necessarily having to break down in the tears. But when something dramatic happens in your life, people understand that you're going to be down and they understand what's going on. So your boys do a really good job of being there to kind of be a safe. A safe landing space for you to be able to kind of walk through your hurt and your pain. We're not opposed to talking about our hurt and our pain, but we probably do more of that with each other than we do with women, because women just typically don't like to see that side of us. And that's not. I want to be clear. This is not all women. There's a. There are a lot of good women out there who are. Who are okay with that and willing to embrace a man who's. Who's into his feelings and wants that. But that's hard. How do I know who's who? And it's. I think it's the same thing for women. How do you know who's who that you can really put your trust in that. That's something for us that's deep and we hold close, and you have to really get close to me for me to feel that I can. That I can let this part of me out. [00:33:24] Speaker A: Are there things that you could pinpoint that would be like, this is a trait, a characteristic, a behavior that I know makes me feel safe to be vulnerable, or is it just an energy, a vibe of feeling? [00:33:38] Speaker C: All right, so, you know, as men, we don't. We're not overly expressive of our feelings all the time. Right. So when you say this, it's kind of hard for me to answer. I think there's a piece of it that's just a bond. There's a vibe that you get from a woman that lets you know that it's okay. But if you want me to go deeper and actually explain, I think there's a level of making me feel comfortable. I think being with a woman that sits in her femininity is something that makes us feel really comfortable and can allow us to feel like I can do certain things. I think that we deal with a lot of women who have dealt with a lot of trauma, and trauma creates This I have to sit in a more masculine energy. I think for men, it's hard for us to deal masculine energy on masculine energy. So when you run into a woman who's really into her feminine energy, it makes it a lot easier for you to decide to be vulnerable with her because you see her looking to actually be there and have your back and not be the person who's trying to compete with you or make you feel a certain kind of way. You see a genuine love, that she wants to really be there for you. [00:34:43] Speaker A: That makes sense. [00:34:44] Speaker B: It does make sense. [00:34:45] Speaker C: I made two women. Be quiet. I'm doing big things today. [00:34:48] Speaker A: Listen, we processing. [00:34:49] Speaker B: We're processing. We're taking it because you want to be hard. No, it's interesting. I was listening to you when we were kind of talking about the safe space for men crying. And I remember. I think I told you this story a long time ago about a guy who I was seeing. I think I. I think I told you for sure, Will. About a guy who I was seeing, and he just wouldn't stop crying. And it was about dumb stuff, and. And I'm not trying to emasculate him, but I had to let that thing go because we were crying about his alarm didn't go off on time. [00:35:26] Speaker A: See, I don't want to end this moment. Laugh, because now I feel like I'm doing what you say women do, but this shit's funny as fuck. [00:35:35] Speaker B: Because the thing is, is that he obviously got a vibe from me somewhere that I was comfortable with him. [00:35:41] Speaker A: Fucking alarming. [00:35:43] Speaker B: Fuck. Yo, it was bad. [00:35:46] Speaker C: The same way some women live too much in their masculine energy. Some men live way too much in their feminine energy. [00:35:51] Speaker B: He was living all the way, and he tapped into that side. [00:35:56] Speaker C: But look how. And I'm glad you just said that. Look how unattractive that is to you. A man living too much of his feminine energy. [00:36:02] Speaker A: Mm. [00:36:03] Speaker C: I really hope some women can hear this. It's the exact same thing for us women living too much in a masculine energy. I'm just like. [00:36:12] Speaker B: So I feel like today, because you also tapped in on this of women living in their masculine energy is because they almost have to. It's almost like they don't feel like they have a man who's ready to allow them to be feminine. It's a lot of combative back and forth. I mean, the women are working six jobs. They're trying to make it work on their own. And so then it's like, how does a guy approach a girl who is in a position where they have to be so strong because they have to be strong. And yet that woman would still like to be soft and feminine. She'd still like to let her man feel vulnerable. But how do we balance those spaces where men have their needs and women have their walls up simply because we're in different times and it's expensive to live and dating is rough. I mean, everything. [00:37:12] Speaker C: I mean, first, I don't think. I don't think women have to stay in masculine energy. I think there's a way to stay in your feminine energy and still be able to get things done. And let me give an example of what I mean by this is going to be. When you hear the example of make sense. When women are single moms, you hear single moms talk about, I have to be mom and dad. When men are single dads, you know what? You never hear them say that I have to be mom and dad. Single dads are just dad. This is a choice that women have decided to make, that I have to live in this type of energy to survive. And that's not necessarily how things have to be. Now, do you need to protect yourself and make sure that you're okay in certain situations? Absolutely. But there's a way to still do that in your feminine energy that doesn't come off so masculine. And when I say masculine energy, let me give you a few examples. When I go to have a conversation with you and everything is a back and forth, that's not feminine energy, that's masculine energy. There's a way to have a conversation with me to get me to do anything you want me to do as a man. You just have to tap into your femininity to get those things out of me, to get me to do and see things the way you want. I'll give you an example. I went on a date, and on this date, we're walking, we had went to eat, and we're walking, and there's live music. She starts dancing to the music. I'm like, oh, come on, we're gonna go over here. Later, she told me that her dancing and vibing to the music was a hint to me that she wanted to be where the music was. She didn't have to come out and say, hey, I want to go over here. She gave me a sign that that's what she was interested in. There are a lot of things like that that women can use to do what you want us to do, but you have to use those things for us to be able to be like. [00:38:56] Speaker B: Oh, okay, cool, okay, but that's an example of a non verbal cue, right? [00:39:01] Speaker C: It is. But a lot of the times what we get is, oh, I want to go here, I want to go do this. But that's just a simple example. But we get this in everything where it's like we feel like we're being talked to like we're children instead of a partner, where we get nagged about things where it could be like, if I'm doing something wrong or I'm doing something that doesn't meet the standard of the way you want it to be done, come show me or come help me. And then I will probably hear you a lot better if you come help me than if you just nag me or say something about it. Because for us, all that nagging is more of that masculine energy of trying to get us to do whatever you want us to do. There's a better way to do it. There's a better way to communicate with us that I feel like just doesn't happen like it used to. [00:39:45] Speaker A: I feel like there is a communication thing that you just hit on that creates a very gray area. So earlier you said, men are simple. They need to be told what women want. And then you said just now that if women tell you what they want, sometimes it comes off as they're being mothering or talking to like a child. Where is the balance in that? [00:40:09] Speaker C: So I think there. I think there's a line in it. I think there's a. If you're irritated and coming to be like, I've told you that I want this, there's a better way to communicate that you're not getting what you want from me than the. Or the I'm so. I'm so irritated or exhausted with you. There's a better way to get a result out of me. And I feel like when you're at work, that's not how you always handle things. You don't get to tell your boss, this is annoying. I don't want. You don't handle them like this. But why is your man and your partner, do you come home and handle me like this? [00:40:42] Speaker B: Because you're supposed to be our safe space where we can't be safe like that with our bosses. We'll lose our jobs. And I understand that we could lose our relationship the same way. But we also hope that the strength of that is stronger than work. [00:40:55] Speaker C: Right? But if you wouldn't. If you wouldn't treat the person who's paying you like this, right, why would you treat your man like this? Why Am I at a lower value of how I'm treated than the person who pays you? Because you can lose that job, and you're going to have to go get another one and deal with the same thing. Why is my value so much lower that you feel like I should be able to treat it? [00:41:13] Speaker B: It's sometimes higher value. Have you ever seen situations where when people are feeling their lowest, they often push the ones who are closest to them away? And it's not because they don't value them. It's because they feel safe enough to be around them, to be at their weakest and know that that person will still be there for them because of the relationship they have. You don't have that with a boss. You can't go off on your boss. You're disposable to them, but you're not necessarily. You can be in a relationship obviously disposable, but there's still a level of trust there that you don't have with someone that you don't have that relationship with. So where. It's not right. That's why that happens. [00:41:53] Speaker C: Yeah, I hear you. And there's. There's a place where. There's a time when I feel like if you go off of me, I can be understanding about what the situation is. But if this is happening on a regular basis, that you're treating me like this as men, we felt like your job. It has more value than I have. Because why do they get more respect at work than I get at home? It should. That should never even. [00:42:17] Speaker A: I'm sorry, I'm going to cut you off. But we talk about that, like, how people handle stress or how they handle situations when they get, like, high anxiety or high levels of irritation, whatever. Like, however they handle that is like a big red flag for me because we've talked about this, where I'm like, if that's how they handle when they're stressed out about life, I don't want it. [00:42:36] Speaker B: Right. [00:42:36] Speaker A: And so I hear what you're saying, because it's like, if that's how you handle a stressful situation, you come home to me with that, then that's not what I want. That's not a. That's not how you handle. [00:42:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:42:47] Speaker C: I will tell you the number one thing that I know for me is important is I need peace. The world is hard enough as is. When I come home, I need peace. I want a woman who's going to bring peace to my life, which means. And peace doesn't necessarily mean that she cooks and cleans and does these specific things that we have set out. Sometimes peace just means she comes and lets me lay my head in her chest because I've had a hard day. And instead of trying to, like, tell me about how her day was, it's just a moment for me just to be able to be like. And the thing is, we understand women need a lot of those same things too. But I can tell you the number one thing. When I. When me and my boys have this conversation in our 40s, the number one thing we talk about is peace. I want a peaceful household. I want to be able to come home, have a drink, sit and talk to you, and be with you and have some peace. That's the. That's the most important thing next to that is respect. We've. There's a lot of times we feel like we are very much disrespected in our relationships, in dealing with women. Women say things to us that if another man said it to me, we gonna fight. But she's not allowed to hit a woman. So there's, like, a hard place in here for us where it's like, women say all kinds of disrespectful things or things that, you know, will poke at my ego. And I'll. I'll get. I'm not gonna give that example, but. [00:44:09] Speaker B: I want to hear the example. I want to hear the example. [00:44:12] Speaker C: I had someone poke at my ego so viciously one time because she was irritated, and it hurt my ego for, like, a year. A year later, I had a conversation with this person and said, well, that really hurt my feelings. And her response was, oh, I was really just saying that to upset you. You knew that wasn't the case. We deal with a lot of that. But again, remember, we don't get to process and deal with our emotions the same way. So, like, there's a lot of things that we have to just kind of take and be like, huh? And even though it hurt my ego, and if you know anything about men, our ego means everything to us. So when you start poking at my ego and start doing things to bring me down, that is a killer to us. And you just watch us shrink, and then. And then we get looked at, well, why isn't he doing this? Why isn't he doing that? Well, because, sweetheart, you poked at my ego. You hurt my soul, and you don't even realize how much you hurt me because I don't even feel comfortable enough to really tell you that, hey, this really hurt. It took me a year to tell them. And this Was somebody I had stopped dealing with. And we had a conversation later about it, but it was like, that really hurt. And it was like, oh, I was just doing that to be me. Do you know how many men feel like that happens to us on a regular basis where something is said just to poke at us, but we can't really tell you how that made us feel. [00:45:29] Speaker B: When it comes to peace and creating peace, is it ever a conversation of you're getting what you're giving? So. And that's. That's not every scenario, of course, and I can't say that it is. But if it's a situation where you're coming home and you're not receiving peace, is there ever a discussion as to why you're not getting peace? So, like, this lady who wanted to upset you, was it because there was something that she was feeling that she was hurt? And so it was like a tit for tat. [00:46:00] Speaker C: She was just nuts, and it was my fault. [00:46:03] Speaker B: No other reason. [00:46:04] Speaker A: He's like, that's why I don't want to give that example. [00:46:06] Speaker C: So let me. Let me give an example. I think. I think when women step into their feminine energy, there's a lot of, I want to give my man peace, and I want to make sure that he feels that peace. And as a man, we have responsibilities, too. Our responsibilities are protect and provide. Those are our two main responsibilities. But those responsibilities go so much deeper than what they sound. So provide doesn't just mean financially. I'm also supposed to be able to provide a place for you to have the peace that you need. I'm supposed to be able to provide protection for you. So when you're out in the world, you don't have to worry about certain things. I talked to one of my boys today, and he's talking about being at the beach with his woman. And he was like, she has some health issues, so she can't walk down the beach as far as they want it. He was like, hey, baby, we're gonna go up here and walk on the sidewalk and then come down this way. And instead of her understanding that he was looking to protect her and to make sure that she had what she needed, it was like, well, why do you want to go this way? Why are we doing this? So when I say, like, peace, some of this is really just trusting in what we're saying, that everything a man that loves you and cares about you, everything he's doing is to make sure that you are okay. Everything he is doing is focused on making sure my woman has what she needs. That's what real men do. I can't tell you what these little boys do. I can't tell you what fuck niggas do. I'm just telling you what real men do and how we think. If you're stressed out, it's the reason why men are fixers. If you tell us something is going on, the first thing we're trying to think is, how do we fix the problem? Because we're trying to provide that peace of mind for you, for you to be okay. That is how we are structured and built. That's what we are meant to do. So everything we're doing literally is to make sure that you are okay. Where we run into the issues that we feel like we're not getting the piece is because everything we do feels like it's questioned. And it's like, but if you trust me, why do you have to question everything I'm doing? Know that I have your best interest at heart. [00:48:03] Speaker A: So when that's not happening, that means that he's just not into you, or. [00:48:08] Speaker B: Does it mean she just doesn't trust you? [00:48:10] Speaker C: I mean, it could mean. It could mean multiple things. And I feel like a lot of this is a. This takes a lot of conversation. And I feel like we need to have a lot deeper conversations than what we have to really start with to start having relationships with people. And I also feel like sexism has had way too soon. And sex, Jade, your mind on how things are supposed to be. If people just waited to have sex and not put that emotional connection of sex in there and really got to know each other, that changes everything. Because then you're going to be able to look and be like you have sex with somebody after two or three weeks, and now it turns into a physical thing. Everybody is looking for that. You don't have to build the connection that you were meant to build to really have a better understanding of each other. Now, I'm not telling you that that's an easy thing to do. You know what I mean? Because everybody likes sex, so it's not easy. [00:49:05] Speaker A: I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna be mad. If I build a connection with someone. The sex is bad. That's all I'm saying. [00:49:10] Speaker C: But here's. Here's the reality, right? How many times have you had a real connection with somebody and the sex was bad? [00:49:16] Speaker B: A lot. [00:49:18] Speaker C: So what you're saying is you've had a real deep connection with somebody and you guys were super into each other and the sex was bad? [00:49:24] Speaker B: Yeah, that I mean, it's not a. It's not like a shitload, but it's. [00:49:28] Speaker A: Still a lot because there's still a compatibility piece of that. [00:49:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:49:33] Speaker C: So I feel like if your connection is deep enough, the section always be good. So I feel like I, I would, I would question how deep was that connection. [00:49:41] Speaker A: It ain't never gonna be good. [00:49:43] Speaker B: So. Okay, Lee, Lee, first of all, I. [00:49:46] Speaker C: Mean, you know, you don't know what people working with beforehand, they be lying. [00:49:50] Speaker B: And if they don't put a remote control next to it, we don't know how big it is. For reference. [00:49:58] Speaker A: I provide a safe space for lots of photos. So we'll just say that. [00:50:03] Speaker C: I mean, because I don't send no dick pics. That is weird to me. That's some. That's some weird. That's a whole nother conversation. [00:50:10] Speaker B: You wouldn't even if someone asked you. [00:50:14] Speaker C: Yeah, if I'm in a relationship. If I'm in a relationship. [00:50:18] Speaker A: I've never met a man who is not been willing to sit a dick pig, even when they say they're not. [00:50:23] Speaker C: You've met one. Yes, you have. [00:50:25] Speaker A: We've met say that because we're not interacting. But I've never met a man that's been interested in me. [00:50:32] Speaker B: So you know how, like, you know how women used to be on that Steve Harvey 90 day thing? You were just mentioning that folks should save or hold out a little bit before having sex. What's a good gauge before two people should start to knock boats? [00:50:50] Speaker C: I think that, I think that's gonna come down to like your connection and your communication. I feel like I'm almost to the point now that I feel like it's like, okay, look, this has to happen because we're both like super interested in this happening. But I don't feel like that's date one, date two, or date three. I feel like you need to really take some time to get to know people. I don't. I'm not. That is not what I said. That's not what I said. We get a number, but it's not. It's not really a number thing. I feel like there should be enough connection that you're like, I'm so attracted to this person because of everything else that they bring to the table that like sex is just going to intensify what this connection is. And that's why I said, have you really had a real connection with somebody and the sex be bad? Because I can't tell you that I've had a really, really strong good Connection with somebody and then sex be bad. But there's a lot of communication that needs to happen in sex, too. That is a whole nother podcast. [00:51:47] Speaker B: But, like, I feel like that might be different for guys than girls because I feel like some girls will be emotionally attached and then incredibly disappointed. [00:52:03] Speaker C: So because I'm saying you don't have sex doesn't mean you shouldn't know anything. Like, now I might not send you a dick pic, but if we're on a date and. And it's a vibe you're gonna get to, you might. Your hand might come over here, and it might not be something you did. It might be something I did. But you gonna know beforehand. Like, it's not gonna be. [00:52:21] Speaker A: I mean, it's not under the table at the restaurant was. [00:52:25] Speaker C: That's not. See, look. [00:52:26] Speaker B: Or maybe at the movies. Or maybe at the movies. [00:52:30] Speaker C: You know what in the car, y'all doing the most right now? I said touch what I did. What I didn't say was this turned into like third and fourth base. Like third base on the way to home. That's not what I said. Touch is more like second base. You know, second base is like fill a brass. Touch a dick, you know, that's second base. [00:52:49] Speaker A: Can we still do that? I'm gonna touch a titties. [00:52:51] Speaker B: Okay, wait. Wait a minute. So first base is kissing and second base is. Second base is boobs and touching ding. [00:52:57] Speaker C: A lings, you know, between second on your way to third. [00:53:02] Speaker B: So then. And then third base. Is that just oral gratification? [00:53:08] Speaker A: I think that's kissing. [00:53:10] Speaker B: No, that's first base. [00:53:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:53:13] Speaker C: Second getting kissing on third base. [00:53:16] Speaker B: Huh? [00:53:17] Speaker C: I'm asking how did she get kissing on third base? [00:53:20] Speaker B: I don't know how she got kissing on third base. She. [00:53:22] Speaker A: I mean, she went straight to oral. So I was like. [00:53:24] Speaker B: I was at third base asking about it. [00:53:26] Speaker A: Are we kissing dicks or. [00:53:27] Speaker B: Yes, that would be oral. [00:53:29] Speaker A: So it's a form of kissing. [00:53:30] Speaker B: Right. Anyway, because if we figure. Home plate is. We gotta wrap this up. [00:53:38] Speaker A: I'm so immature. So to bring us back to topic. [00:53:41] Speaker B: We gotta wrap this up. [00:53:42] Speaker A: If you were to give advice to. If you were to give some advice, what is. What are ways that women can provide safe spaces and identify their man's needs or men of interest needs. What is some advice that you could give to women? [00:53:57] Speaker C: I would say be open, honest about what your needs are early. I think that's the first thing. And understand who you're dealing with. I'm going to say this again. And I said it Earlier. Any man that is interested in you will show you that he's interested. If you're not getting the vibe that he's interested, you're probably right. Don't continue down that path. Wait for the person who's genuinely interested in you before you start giving pieces of yourself away that are, hey, here are my needs. Here's what I want. Here's how I see the world. Because those things are really important. I would say that would be the first thing. I would say that. The next thing would be stay in your feminine energy. You don't have to be right about everything. Sometimes it's okay just to like, drop the topic and just be like, okay. And it's not even a agree to disagree. Sometimes it's like, okay, cool. And we can just let it go. Because when you use the words agree to disagree, I hate that statement. And I just feel like that means you're not listening to me. So sometimes it's just like, okay, and we just continue to move forward. But really just there are. I said this too. There are ways you can show a man that you're interested that have absolutely nothing to do with sex. There are hints that you can give that we will pick up on. Now I'm saying give us big hints. Don't just give a little bitty hint and expect we gonna get it. But there are some things that you can do to show us, like how we can. How we can make sure that we're giving you what you need. Because we're supposed to be providers. My job is to provide you what you need. So talk to me, let me know the things that are important to you and I can start to give you those things. If you're telling somebody what you need and they're not doing it again, we're probably dealing with the wrong man. Because the right man, when he sees the things that are important to you, he's going to do those things automatically just because he wants you to be happy. Because that's the way we function. If the man's not functioning like that, that's not what you want anyway. [00:55:48] Speaker A: Yeah, that makes sense. I love it. Are you open to giving advice? Because if people want to find you, where can they find you? [00:55:56] Speaker C: I've given all the advice I'm giving out right now. [00:55:58] Speaker A: He said he's okay. Do you want to be found on any social media? [00:56:03] Speaker C: I don't have much social media anyway, so you're not going to find me like that. [00:56:07] Speaker A: So he's like a little. [00:56:08] Speaker B: So this is where if you Want to catch up with will you catch him here on Dirty Rose's podcast. And if you want to catch up on any of our shows, if you want to reach out to me myself, I can be found on all platforms of Dirty Roses podcast. And if you want to reach me specifically, I can be found on Instagram ickbnickb. That's Nick with a K and Ms. Lee Laree. Where can we find you? [00:56:33] Speaker A: Y'all can find me in this beautiful space that we done turned our set into because the Poetic justice foundation let us use this space. It's been amazing for the past two seasons. We've had a similar set. Yeah. Yes. Because we've been messing up. But no, you need to check them out. Go to the poeticjusticefoundation.org you can learn about how they are breaking generational curses of being broken, how you're talking about investments, how we're talking about community wealth in the. In the black community. So check them out. The PoeticJusticeFoundation.org you can donate there so they can keep doing that work and you can make sure that they're doing the good work so we can keep using the space. And otherwise you can find me on social media. It's Lila Re L E I G H L A R I E on all social media platforms. Dirty Roses podcast on all social media platforms. YouTube, Spotify, Apple, all that you can find us. Dirtyrosespodcast.com Leave a review, a voicemail. Want some feedback or you want to get some advice? Want to tell us a crazy dating story? That's where you go. [00:57:40] Speaker C: Yes. [00:57:41] Speaker A: And until then, y'all can catch us next time. [00:57:43] Speaker B: Bye. Bye. Bye. Guess what, Rose buddies, we are thrilled to introduce our new sponsorship packages. Be sure to hit us [email protected] to inquire how we can showcase your brand on our platforms.