[00:00:01] Speaker A: I'm Lila Ree.
[00:00:02] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B.
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Listen, we're just two single girls from the city of roses discussing all things love, lust, and perception.
[00:00:09] Speaker B: And roses are a symbol of all things beautiful about love.
[00:00:12] Speaker A: But as you know, love can get a little dirty. So we're here to talk about it.
[00:00:16] Speaker B: Dirty Roses podcast starts now.
[00:00:18] Speaker A: Hey, I'm Lela Ree.
[00:00:20] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: And welcome to Dirty Roses Podcast. Today we are talking about delusional relationship ideas. I don't know if that makes sense, but we're talking about fantasy versus reality and how people create an idea of a relationship without it being what's really happening.
[00:00:42] Speaker B: And more specifically, the difference in how women think in a relationship and the delusions or fantasies that we have versus what men may think in said relationship.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: All of that. So before we get to introduce our amazing guest, we're gonna start off with the story. You know how this works, right? So every episode starts with a story. The story is mine.
So y'all know I have been dibbling, dabbling in Dayton. And so there was a gentleman that I was talking to. Of course, y'all know I don't date in the city, so I date outside my city limits. And I was talking to a gentleman who actually expressed that he was not interested in long distance dating. However, we were like, okay, we can. We can kick it. We can just be friends, have conversations, do those kinds of things.
And I continue to pursue these conversations and this interaction. We ended up meeting up and we talked about this beforehand. We said, well, what happens if we meet up and it's actually like a really dope vibe and we really enjoy ourselves and we're having a good time.
What happens then? And he was like, I guess we'll see then. And I said, okay, that makes sense.
And I went into the. The trip and the date and everything had a good time. But in my mind, I really thought that I was going to convince him that we were going to pursue something if everything was cool. Knowing that he actually said long distance does not work for me. So, Nick B. Have you ever been in that situation?
[00:02:11] Speaker B: I mean, I have not been in the long distance delusional situation where I thought that he told me one thing and I was going to make him want something or need something different. But I guess my own delusion is these married men, when they sit out here and tell me that they're two seconds away from their divorce being final, and it's not final. And I think my biggest lesson in that has just been don't start nothing unless the. The slate is clean to begin with and not wait for it to be what you want it, but let it actually start out how you want it.
[00:02:46] Speaker A: Yeah, that makes sense. Especially when it comes to married men. So we have. We're joined by this amazing entrepreneur, barber, podcaster. He also, I found out, just dropped an album. Just dropped an album. Right. So, Mr. T.P. thomas, tell us about yourself and your podcast and all of your endeavors. And why are you an expert in knowing the difference between fantasy and reality?
[00:03:13] Speaker C: Well, I mean, starting off with the who I am, I am a barbershop owner. I'm an entrepreneur. I make music. And I do have a podcast called Manifest yout Life. We talk about taking what's in your mind and manifesting it in the physical. And as far as me being a professional at, you know, understanding logic, you know what I mean? I think I. I kind of grew up. I kind of grew up fast. And I seen a lot of things that my mother went through that she was in denial of. You know what I mean? And I applied it to, you know, working on how I look at things and view things for what it really is. Instead of, like, creating a narrative in my mind of what something is, I normally look at what it really is.
[00:04:11] Speaker B: So then would you say that your early examples of relationships, they stemmed from what you saw from your mother? She was their primary example of relationships?
[00:04:20] Speaker C: Well, I paid attention to everybody.
I paid attention to, you know, stuff that I seen on television, stuff that I seen, like, you know, on the blogs. I seen stuff like friends. I had relationships that they were in. I think life is a big lesson, you know what I mean? And. And a lot of stuff transpires around you, but you have to take what, you know, I'm saying is good and what is bad from everything.
[00:04:46] Speaker B: Right? Right.
[00:04:48] Speaker C: So, I mean, I guess I'm a student of life.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: He's a student of life. I like that.
[00:04:53] Speaker B: And I'm still learning in my life. So, girl, we all students.
[00:04:56] Speaker A: I'm a delayed. I'm on the short bus. That's what kind of student I am.
[00:04:59] Speaker B: I have been held back a couple grades.
[00:05:02] Speaker A: Now, listen, so the difference between dating when you were younger, with your early experiences of watching your family, your parents, TVs and all that stuff versus now. How has your view of dating changed?
[00:05:16] Speaker C: Well, you know, when you're younger, it's a lot less expectations and then it's, like, easier because you got time, you know, you got more time to, like, focus on getting to know one another. I mean, being adults, you got a whole, like, life and responsibilities you got to take care of first. So you really gotta focus on, like, how you gonna pay your bills, you know.
You know, once you figure that out, then, you know, you make time for everything else, which is getting to know people.
I think a lot of people, they wanna. They think they know more about you because you have Instagram or Facebook. So they can there and do a little background check and like, look and see, like, what they think you are, you know, and it's really what you allow them to see.
[00:06:05] Speaker A: Well, what are your steps to getting to know somebody?
[00:06:09] Speaker C: Well, I mean, I just basically, you know, maybe go on a date and, you know, have deep conversations and, you know, challenging conversations.
I just really think the best way to get to know somebody is through time.
[00:06:24] Speaker B: Do you ever dismiss anyone based on their social media? Because I'm not gonna lie, I feel like women especially, we will do a deep dive into someone's social media, understanding that social media is only gonna be the representative of youth.
[00:06:39] Speaker A: I will end up on your mama's sister's cousin's boyfriend's grandma's page. And I will know when grandma's grandpa died.
[00:06:47] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:06:47] Speaker A: And who was at the funeral. That's how deep dive that goes.
[00:06:50] Speaker B: I don't quite dive that deep, but I'll give you an example. Like, there was this one guy who was trying to holler at me, and after scrolling through his Instagram, I was like, oh, this isn't gonna work. This isn't gonna work at all. It was just completely different lifestyles. I could tell, tell that our interests were not aligned. And ultimately what he probably liked about me was just that he was physically attracted to me. But when I actually got a chance to see what he was into, where he worked, how he started his day, I was like, yeah, it's a hard no, imagine.
[00:07:26] Speaker C: Imagine if you didn't have an Instagram or social media to compare his life to.
[00:07:31] Speaker B: Right, Right.
[00:07:32] Speaker C: Got to know him for real.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Mm.
[00:07:35] Speaker C: See, like, well, maybe what he posts is just what he felt like posting because he don't want everybody to know who he really is.
[00:07:43] Speaker B: Right.
[00:07:45] Speaker C: We assume too much and then we have an imagination. We see one thing and we assume something else. And a part of the problem is we are our own worst enemy because we get in our head too much about stuff that's not even in our control. Instead of flow and seeing, like, how things grow naturally will try to force it. Like she said. Oh, well, maybe I can convince him.
[00:08:11] Speaker A: Well, do you do you think that women have more unrealistic expectations?
[00:08:16] Speaker B: Okay, break that down.
[00:08:19] Speaker C: It's unrealistic expectations and they live in fantasy.
[00:08:22] Speaker B: Okay, yeah, break that down. So, like, what's your example of women living in fantasy?
[00:08:28] Speaker C: Well, they expect a man to do what it is that they feel like he should be doing in their mind.
Right? Okay, not if he's not doing that. Then he's not.
He's not good enough for their standards. So, like, if a man is not taking you on a date three, four times a week, bringing you flowers, doing this, doing that, it's like. Like, you know, some of these men may not be romantic.
It may. You know how, like, all of those things, like, from a man growing into a man, growing from a boy to a man matters off of his representation of what he is supposed to do as a man? Right.
[00:09:12] Speaker B: So. But then, don't you. Don't you think that that just means that maybe that's not the right man for that specific woman?
[00:09:19] Speaker A: Really? So, like, go ahead, quick call on me, calling me. Okay, I got a question. So your example was that a woman thinks that a man should take them on a date three or four times a week. Are you exaggerating that example, or you really think that women think that?
[00:09:34] Speaker C: Well, I mean, you got to look at what they post, right? If you look at social media.
[00:09:38] Speaker A: Right, but are we not looking at.
[00:09:41] Speaker C: If he's not spoiling me, he's not the one. If he's not sending me cash apps to get my hair done, he's not the one. If he's not bringing me flowers, he's not the one. So. So this is the thing, right? Somebody not doing something for you should not determine if he's the one or not because you don't know him. Like, the problem is we don't build no more. We don't grow to know one another. Oh, each other's love language to grow, say, okay, well, this is what you like.
Like it? I'm willing to do it because I like you that much. Not instead of you saying, well, this ain't the one for me, because he doesn't do this, this. And this will say, well, I can get to know this man, and we can grow to that.
[00:10:25] Speaker B: Okay, but now, would you not recognize that there are still red flags at the beginning of a relationship? And I'm not saying that the standard should be this many dates, this many cash app transactions and flowers and chocolates, right? But if that particular girl, if that's what she's actually wanting, shouldn't she look for that man that meets that expectation. And if it's not you, it's not you. But like, go find the one that matches what her energy that she wants. Right.
[00:10:55] Speaker C: Have you, have you noticed how many single women it is?
[00:10:58] Speaker B: Oh, there's lots. Just as many single men. I mean, we all looking for the same thing.
[00:11:02] Speaker C: Yeah, but this is what I'm saying, right.
I'm gonna be honest, from where I'm at in the city, it's more single women than it is single men.
[00:11:11] Speaker B: But you're in Atlanta too.
[00:11:13] Speaker A: But population wise, that's just default in.
[00:11:18] Speaker C: A busy city, right? Yeah, I work in. I own a barbershop. So the barbershop talk is what the barbershop talk is. I work in. In a shop full of men.
[00:11:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:31] Speaker C: They're all with the same issue, unrealistic expectations.
So if all of these men are with different women and they're dealing with different personalities and all of them have unrealistic expectations of what a man should be doing. Because the first thing I hear is a woman say a man leads. Right?
[00:11:52] Speaker B: Right.
[00:11:53] Speaker C: A man takes the first step and they follow. Okay, so. But when a woman talks about a man, she doesn't talk about listening to a man.
[00:12:03] Speaker B: Oh, that's a good point.
[00:12:05] Speaker C: Comprehending what he's saying. Well, even the messages behind the conversation that we're having so we can grow, right? That is what they want.
I see what you're saying, okay, about want. Then how are you gonna ever build a true relationship with somebody else? Because he wants something too. It's not about what you want, it's about what we want and how we can build together.
Not willing to build together. Then you got somebody that has unreal, realistic expectations of what a man is.
[00:12:37] Speaker A: But do you think men also can have unrealistic expectations?
[00:12:43] Speaker C: A man can have unrealistic expectations, but most men don't see.
[00:12:47] Speaker B: And I feel like from our perspective, when we meet a lot of men, we're looking at these guys who they want us to do all the cooking, all the cleaning, have a full time job, have a part time job, not need them for anything, but want them for things. And it's like a borderline between we want you to have your independence and not need us, but we also want you to want and need us, if that makes sense. So it's kind of like you want.
[00:13:13] Speaker A: To depend, like, not you, but men have. The men that we have encountered or talked about or we see this on social media, men want a dependent, independent woman.
[00:13:22] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: Well, yeah, that's right.
[00:13:29] Speaker C: A man respects the same thing y'all respect. A man respects works. A woman that pay her bills, a woman that can. Can not, you know, like really get it done on her own, but if she need me, I can do that. I can be there. But see, the problem is women assume that it's some man that they gonna be when he's some super. Right, Right. And he's gonna do all the physical that she need him to do right out and still pay his bills and work his job and wash his own clothes and cook his own food. So it's like when you in a relationship, when is it where y'all start building together? Like y'all gotta have that conversation from, okay, now we're dating.
Now you're about to move in.
[00:14:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:19] Speaker C: So when you bend, you don't have no bills no more, you don't have to pay a. A rent no more, you don't have to pay a mortgage no more. Right.
[00:14:27] Speaker A: Okay, okay, okay.
[00:14:28] Speaker C: Wait.
Saving you. And these women think you're supposed to pay they rent and pay your rent.
[00:14:37] Speaker B: Okay, so. Right. But this is, I think, also where some of the communication gets a little foggy. In order for any of those things to happen on either end. Right. There has to be before anything, a level of trust. And I think a lot of times women. And this could also go for men too. I can't quite speak for men, but for women, we are looking to be shown that we can trust you. And that sometimes comes by way of, can he afford to take me on dates? And not that I'm looking for these elaborate $300 dates every time we go out three times a week, but if what I'm looking for is that you are financially able to provide for me, but you haven't shown me in any step of our courtship that you're able to do that, how can I trust that when we get to a stage of living together, that that's magically going to appear? And so then for women, we look at men's social medias and things like that, and it's not that we're looking for them to flash their cars and flash their money or show their credit scores, but we're looking at the consistency. So if I'm looking at a guy and what he's showing for a representation of himself is sitting around all day not working, I'm immediately thinking, you have enough time to sit around all day and not work. Therefore, I no longer feel safe. And I think maybe that's where some.
[00:15:56] Speaker C: Of the disconnect Is, let me say this, right.
The problem is dating is only going out to eat.
[00:16:04] Speaker B: No.
[00:16:05] Speaker C: Taking me to go get a drink.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: No.
[00:16:10] Speaker A: What kind of women do you.
[00:16:11] Speaker B: Yeah, I think you're doing it wrong.
[00:16:14] Speaker C: Let me explain, right? I may take you on a, a date to the park. Y'all can go have ice cream. Y'all could go to a library. Y'all can go to a museum. Y'all can go see. When you say date, right. You just said financially afford a date. Right. All dates don't have to be expensive.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: They don't.
[00:16:36] Speaker A: And they, and we've talked about this before.
[00:16:39] Speaker C: All, all y'all can plan a date or y'all can start waking up early every morning and working out together at six in the morning before y'all go to work.
[00:16:49] Speaker A: So we've talked about this before. And so another part of being safe in a, in a relationship or courtship is also that the man has the emotional intelligence to listen to what women like to do and curate a date around that. So the things that you've listed all are realistic dates was the art date. Yeah. And those are opportunities for you to get to know each other and then ask further questions too. So it doesn't have to be. The only piece of a contribution a man has is financial, but it also has to be an emotional stability and understanding about communication and listening.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: And so I go ahead. I'm sorry.
[00:17:25] Speaker C: A lot of women only see value in what a man can afford and not what teach them not what and provide as protection and direction and wisdom. See, I can know about life insurance policies. Right. And you can have a 401k and you could be putting your money in, in the stock market and losing Money with your 401k. Or you could take that same money and put it into annuity and you can make more money on the back end for your retirement.
[00:17:52] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:17:53] Speaker C: You didn't let me tell you that or teach you that or educate you on that. Then you won't know. And, and, and that's why I say a relationship is way more abroad than going on a date.
[00:18:07] Speaker B: So let me ask you.
Let me, let me, let me, let's just try to paint a picture. Let me ask you this. So I don't, I don't know if you're single or in a relationship, but if you were to plan a first date, what would for you, an ideal first date be? Where you are able to curate conversation, find interest? Because I agree that the whole dinner and drinks thing is not really a good platform to date. It feels like an interview. A lot of times, you know, you're just going back and forth with questions and you're not really getting to know the person. So what would your dream ideal date be?
[00:18:46] Speaker C: I mean, most of the time I'm gonna go where she wants to go.
[00:18:49] Speaker B: No, I wanna know where you wanna go. Where do you wanna go? Where you can be the best representation of yourself.
[00:18:56] Speaker C: I like to go to the gym on the first date.
[00:18:58] Speaker B: Really? Okay, man.
[00:19:02] Speaker C: I like to work out, you know what I'm saying, on the first date, Because I like to promote a healthy lifestyle. It's something that I do like four or five times a week. And I'm 41 years old, I'm getting older, you know, I want to able to promote a healthy, healthy lifestyle with the person that I'm about to try to interact and build with. Because that says, okay, this man cares about his health and he is consistent because he's here all the time. It's going to show me a little bit about her consistency. You know, a lot of the times I respect anybody that does something consistent.
[00:19:38] Speaker B: Okay, I can get with that. Is that what would be your ideal first daily?
[00:19:43] Speaker A: Me?
[00:19:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: I'm actually like a coffee date person for a first date because I don't want it to be expensive. I don't want there to be expectations after the date. I want it to be something where we can engage in conversation, get to know each other, and plan a really great second date. Honestly, I feel like a coffee shop is like the perfect out. Like if we get together and we're not vibing, then we can leave. And there's no, there's no qualms about it. Like, there's no bad feeling. There's nothing else. Like, it's just we had a coffee, we didn't vibe, it wasn't a good look. Cool. But if we had a really great conversation and things are going really well, we could get to know each other and a great second date could be planned. I think for me personally.
[00:20:22] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree. But you know what's interesting is I've asked a couple guys, would they be willing to meet for coffee? It's like, hey, do you drink coffee or tea? Not. Nah, I don't drink any of those. And I'm like, okay, that was me trying to have a chill first date. I'm like, what, you want a smoothie, Right? I was like, what, you want a smoothie? Or something? But honestly, and this again is not to try to put all men in one box, because that's Incredibly unfair. But most guys who I asked to kind of do that real casual meet and greet, they either back out of it, they're not interested in it, or it literally doesn't happen. Because beyond me mentioning, let's go do xyz, there's no initiative taken to actually make that happen. It's always like, oh, yeah, bet we should do that. And then that's the end of the conversation.
So that even becomes challenging, too. Trying to find quality first dates.
I don't know. I don't. I don't know.
[00:21:19] Speaker A: It's.
[00:21:20] Speaker B: It's frustrating.
[00:21:20] Speaker A: We had a. We had a guest in season two, Alex, who talked about, like, the levels of dating. And so one of the things that we talked about was the pressure. Oh, actually, I talked to them after the. After the episode, but we talked about the pressures of first dates and why he had the trepidation about having titles to relationships.
[00:21:43] Speaker C: Right?
[00:21:43] Speaker A: Because there's an expectation of dates. And he said, without the. The title, there's no need to do the above and beyond. He doesn't feel press pressure to spend a hundred dollars on a date, on a. Flowers, whatever. And I was like, but why is that the expectation? He said, because that's what he thinks women want. And it was never a conversation of that's what a woman told him that's what she wanted. He just made up this expectation in his head based on maybe social media or what other people have said, but he's never actually had a woman say, that's the expectation.
[00:22:17] Speaker C: So y'all think, what is the expectation that y'all feel a woman wants?
[00:22:24] Speaker B: What's the expectation that we want?
What are our expectations on a date?
[00:22:29] Speaker A: Well, for me, I would say I would like a man to take initiative. I would like him to plan something based on a conversation that we've had to. Where he's taken into consideration the things that I like to do, the things that I want to do. It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to be extremely fancy. It just has to be intentional. And I like things that, for me, are a space for conversation. I don't want to do a movie. I don't want to do anything noisy. I want to be able to have good, quality, intimate time where he took initiative and thought about it and really curated something specific to me.
[00:23:05] Speaker B: And for me, I just want a dude to follow through with making the plans. So kind of like, well, that just sounds.
[00:23:13] Speaker A: I can't never get a man to date me.
[00:23:15] Speaker B: No, it's really sad because I feel Like a lot of women end up settling with these really informal situations where it turns out with, yeah, I'll just come over and cook for you, or do you want to come to my house and we watch a movie and that be the first date. And I don't want to be in your home on the first date. I do want you to think about where we're going and if we're doing something. And I've mentioned this before on another episode that my favorite date that I've ever been on was a guy who took me to an art museum. The museums are free. It allowed us to walk around, look at things, be inspired by what we were looking at. The triggered conversation and memories of xyz where we actually got a chance to get to know each other beyond just walking in the museum. Afterwards, we stopped at the coffee shop in the museum, had a bite to eat, and then we were on about our way. It was simple, it was inexpensive, but it was the fact that he took the time to know that, hey, she's an art major, she enjoys this stuff. Let's go walk around and talk for a little bit.
[00:24:16] Speaker C: That was good.
[00:24:17] Speaker B: But it was the fact that he made the plans.
Me being an incredibly busy person, like most people are, work with the schedule. Don't just hear, oh, you're not available on Tuesday, and then that be it. All right, let's talk about our schedule. When are you free?
So that's my expectation. I don't know if that's low or.
[00:24:34] Speaker A: Not, but she just wanted to be taken out on a date. That's all she said she don't care. Just take her somewhere, just figure it out.
[00:24:44] Speaker C: I'm gonna be totally honest, right? Yeah, it's important to lock in with yourself most of the time. We fantasize so much of being swept off our feet and meeting the love of our life that we don't fall in love with ourselves.
The key to having something great is fall in love and falling in love with yourself to the point where nothing really matters. And then when you're on your way to building yourself up to the best version of yourself, you're gonna run into like minded people. And, you know, I seen my mom fantasize about loving and doing all of that, and she lost herself. And I feel like a lot of times in this life love exists, but you gotta, you gotta know who you are without that love.
[00:25:36] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:25:38] Speaker C: Love properly. Because when you go into a relationship with all of these wants and requests and all of that, what you normally do is you normally run the person away because they looking at you like.
Like, are we building or. Or am I trying to fit your requirements?
[00:25:57] Speaker A: Well, quick question then. So what both of us stated as ideal first dates, did that seem like super extraordinary circumstances or like high requests?
[00:26:07] Speaker C: No, that was. That was good.
[00:26:09] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:26:10] Speaker C: It was good and simple. But after the first date and after the second date and after the third.
[00:26:16] Speaker A: Date, yeah, we smashing.
[00:26:19] Speaker B: We smashing.
[00:26:22] Speaker A: I'm kidding. I'm kind of. Not really.
[00:26:24] Speaker C: Kind of like, what is next?
Now we. Now we know that we're good at dating, right? Now we know we're good at eating. Now we know that we're good at drinking. Now what is the. The purpose of building? Because, you know, when you do date someone for a year or two now they're looking for the ring. Like, where's the ring at? When are you gonna marry me? When are you gonna. It's like, it's always something.
[00:26:51] Speaker A: I am so curious as to where these women that you are encountering are, because I don't feel like that is the. What we talk about with people that we know.
[00:26:59] Speaker B: So not only is it not what I think we are what our. At least our group of girls are talking about, but what I'm kind of picking up about you is that you seem to be a very forward thinker, which is ideal in a relationship. And I don't know that as many men that we come across are thinking about those next steps. So, like you just said, okay, we decided that we know we're good at eating out, having drinks, going to a couple locations. What's next?
I feel like women are running into men that have no idea of what's next. And I think that's also where a big collision happens. Because, yeah, we do want to know what's next.
[00:27:39] Speaker C: I'm gonna be honest. A lot of these young men were raised by single mothers, right? And because they were raised by single mothers, they don't know how to lead.
[00:27:49] Speaker B: Okay, but you were raised by a single mom, Is that what you said?
[00:27:52] Speaker C: No, I was raised by a single mother till I was 16 and I moved in with my dad.
[00:27:57] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:27:58] Speaker C: He taught me structure, consistency, work ethic, and he taught me how to focus on myself first. Before I can love anyone, you gotta love yourself. So.
[00:28:09] Speaker B: But in those formative years of childhood, I mean, it's kind of no different than anybody else that was raised by a single parent. Right? I mean, I. Go ahead.
[00:28:18] Speaker C: Very different. So if you're not shown how to love someone properly, if you're not on how to lead your own life on your own properly, it's going to be hard to feed someone else.
[00:28:31] Speaker A: So quick question though.
[00:28:34] Speaker C: Most single parents raise their kids to be dependent on them.
So when you were raised to be dependent on your parent, then you're going to be going into a relationship with no leadership skills, because everything you ever did, your mama did for you.
[00:28:53] Speaker A: So I just need clarification though, because there is a narrative of.
There's a narrative that single moms raise, you know, not greater relationship kids. I'll just use those words loosely.
However, there's no ever. There's never no fault with the dad who is not in the picture. So how do we, how are we shifting blame to the single mom? So like the, the single mom was put in that position for a reason because the dad's not there.
[00:29:25] Speaker C: Okay, so look, not. It's not blame. It's, it's, it's a, it's a observation. You feel what I'm saying? So, okay, somebody makes the statement, they think that they're being blamed and they're. And this is not to blame single mothers. This is to blame the character, the hole in the character. Because if we are missing the developmental skills of leadership, or you're missing the developmental skills of taking a woman and, and, and, and showing her you can be trusted to lead her life, that is something that is very important. So if you're not taught that at a young age how to be a leader, you're going to have problems when you get older. And that has no blame on a woman or a man. It's to be the blame on the balance system. It got to be a balance. It's the ying of the yang. You can't have too much of this and not have enough this or you'll have this going on. So when, when a man makes a statement and when a woman makes a statement, it is not the point the finger at men or women. It's the point the finger at the issue.
[00:30:39] Speaker B: Okay, so then also with that being said, because you absolutely drove home a good point about how you're raised, and if you're raised prominently by a mom or the dad, at what point do the young men have to step out and say, I may have been a child and had childish ways, but it's now on me to approach things as an adult, as a man, and as a forward thinker, because we hear that all the time of like, oh, well, I wasn't influenced by my father and I don't know any better because xyz, which also feels like a cop out because. Cause at some point you take control of your behavior and actions, regardless of what parent was present.
[00:31:19] Speaker C: Have you ever blamed your parent for something?
[00:31:22] Speaker B: Well, I'm sure I have, absolutely.
[00:31:25] Speaker C: Okay, so do you remember what it was?
[00:31:28] Speaker B: Absolutely not.
[00:31:29] Speaker C: Okay, so you don't. Do you remember what it was?
[00:31:33] Speaker B: No, I'm Nick. Are you asking me, Nick?
[00:31:37] Speaker A: Yes, I do have parent issues and parent traumas, and I know exactly what they are. But I also have sought help to identify how to not.
[00:31:48] Speaker C: What age was that when you mastered that?
[00:31:51] Speaker A: In my adulthood.
[00:31:52] Speaker C: Okay, so that's what that. So I'm asking that question to answer the question that you had. When does a man take accountability? Well, when a man starts taking accountability for his own life. And a lot of the times adults blame their parents for a lot of shit that they dealt with childhood. And it's whenever you reach that moment of clarity and understanding that now is your time to take own life and make your own decisions and stop blaming your parents for your problems. So that is the moment. And it's a person. It's a. A person by person basis. It ain't really no date is to accept it. And you look yourself in the mirror and say, you know what? Now it is time for me to take my life by my own, My own hands and do what I need to do as an adult and forgive my parents.
[00:32:43] Speaker A: Are you currently dating or in a relationship?
[00:32:46] Speaker C: Yes, I'm in a relationship.
[00:32:47] Speaker A: Okay, so then how did what you're saying, how did that play out when you guys were dating initially?
[00:32:55] Speaker C: I mean, you know, in our, in a relationship, it's work, you know, when you're dealing with someone that might not have.
I mean, I feel like everybody doesn't have critical thinking skills. Right.
[00:33:10] Speaker B: Facts.
[00:33:11] Speaker A: That is true.
[00:33:14] Speaker C: So when someone is talking to them, sometimes they, they look at it as he's trying to offend me instead of he's trying to tell me something that bothers him so I'll know how to handle him better and we can be better in this relationship. So it's the accountability of receiving what it is that you're doing wrong, man or female, you know, So I think that that's the number one problem in a lot of relationships.
Lack of accountability and lack of responsibility.
[00:33:50] Speaker A: So what was. But what was your courting stage like with the person that you're with now?
[00:33:55] Speaker C: What was my what now?
[00:33:56] Speaker A: Your courting stage.
[00:33:59] Speaker C: My courting stage?
[00:34:00] Speaker B: Yeah, the courtship.
[00:34:04] Speaker C: You know, we went, we. We went to. Went out to eat a lot, you know, went to the bar. We used to club dance, you know, my girl from Jamaica. So you know, she's an island girl.
[00:34:16] Speaker A: Oh, that dirty wine. Okay, I see.
[00:34:19] Speaker C: Yeah, she like to dance, but she.
[00:34:21] Speaker A: Got you with that hip motion. That's what that was.
[00:34:24] Speaker C: She's a tripper for sure. Like all she do about trips. We'll get off a trip.
[00:34:29] Speaker A: Oh, trips, sorry, we heard.
[00:34:31] Speaker B: We heard you stripper. We thought he said she's a stripper for sure.
I mean, I was like, if you like strippers, go on and get it. I thought that's what you were saying.
Yeah, I know we misheard you.
[00:34:52] Speaker C: I think that social media got a lot of these young women's heads in a blender, you know what I mean? And, you know, sometimes you have a good man, but you don't know how to reciprocate the same energy.
[00:35:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:05] Speaker C: They'll say a man leads, but a man can't lead a woman that don't listen.
So if you don't know how to listen and you don't know how to receive information properly, you'll think someone is talking down to you, you know. But when you talk how to listen and receive information, well, it's just like a coach coaching a player.
If you on a team and he run a play and you go out there and you mess the play up, you're probably gonna sit down the next few plays. Right?
[00:35:36] Speaker B: Right.
[00:35:36] Speaker C: Now, in a relationship, if you tell your woman or your woman tells you to do something, you don't make that play the way she tells you to make that play, she's going to be upset, you're going to be upset. So I think looking at things in a logical aspect, you can go a whole lot further by looking at someone for what it is instead of looking at what it look like.
[00:36:01] Speaker A: Are there, are there spaces in your relationship or in previous relationships even that maybe you felt like the expectations weren't being met, but you were okay with what was placed in front of you?
[00:36:17] Speaker C: Well, I think a lot of times, you know, in my relationship, it's a lack of support, you know? Okay, a lack of support. Like I say, I got like three different businesses, right? So when, when your man is an entrepreneur, most of the time women become a instant help mate or instant like, comes and supports the man's business.
And when a woman doesn't do that, then it's kind of like, you know, you look at it like, okay, well, she don't want to do this, but family, family is business, right? And if you're going to be creating a family with a Woman, like, she gonna either have to get down or like, you know what I'm saying? Or she not gonna be a part of what it is that I'm building. You know what I'm saying?
[00:37:14] Speaker B: Right.
[00:37:14] Speaker A: Sounds familiar. From our entrepreneurship episode.
[00:37:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:19] Speaker C: You know, so I feel like a relationship is a support system.
First y'all start off dating, and then y'all start off being each other's business partner, you know, and y'all have to figure out the best way to fit in and connect the puzzle the best way y'all can. And if it never happens, then you're not supposed to force it. You gotta let stuff go.
[00:37:43] Speaker B: Have you ever ran into a situation where you were into someone but your guys communication styles were just so different and that you weren't able to continue a relationship?
[00:37:53] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:37:54] Speaker B: So what do you do in those ways? Do you. Are you. Are you looking for them to understand your style of communication or are you looking to adapt so that they understand you?
[00:38:05] Speaker C: Well, the problem is when you go in a relationship to be understood, sometimes it'll never happen, you know, and you have to know like, you know, if you. I just look at it like I'm rare. Like I'm rare. Like you said, a lot of men don't have the forward thinking like me.
[00:38:22] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:38:23] Speaker C: How to be a thing for myself. Like I was taught, make up my mind and make a decision and make it quick. And, you know, so I have certain capabilities that a lot of men don't possess. So when a person comes around me, they'll. They're either like, like look at it like, oh, he too strong for me.
And I might intimidate somebody, you know what I'm saying, With how sure of myself I am. You know, sometimes they look at it and they say, well, you'll make people insecure or, or feel inadequate the way you are because you're aggressive, you know.
[00:39:04] Speaker B: So a lot of people take your confidence as cockiness. Do you get that often?
[00:39:08] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:39:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:10] Speaker A: How does your significant other deal with your strong personality?
[00:39:17] Speaker C: You know, gaslight. You know what I mean? Or.
[00:39:22] Speaker B: Would you say that your partner is by nature more submissive and not in a derogatory way, but if to have a dominant personality, is it balanced by a significant or by a submissive personality?
[00:39:38] Speaker C: Well, I say the person I'm dealing with is a dominant personality too. And, you know, she, you know, she do what she wants. Yeah, she a free thinker. You know, it's just, you know, some, some people call it control. Right. A lot of people don't want to let go of control.
It's like if they let go of their control and somebody will lead them in the path of destruction.
So also too, you being so strong will often make you feel like, well, I don't need nobody for nothing. I could do it all on my own. And, you know, when you. When you live like that, then you find yourself feeling like you on your own and you might have somebody right next to you, right. I'd be like, hey, let me help you. You're like, no, I got it.
Everything, you know. So, you know, what is this saying? They say, well, a person to Ellie, alienate themselves from and make themselves feel like they by themselves when they be.
[00:40:48] Speaker B: I can relate to that. Yep. No, I can relate to that.
[00:40:53] Speaker A: So if you could go back in time and what's one piece of dating advice that you would either give your younger self or that you could give to younger people?
[00:41:04] Speaker C: Well, put yourself first.
You know, love is. Is something you create. You know what I mean? Like, it's not something you need to go in and search the world for. It's something you create based off of your. The love for yourself. When you love yourself so much that you'll attract love, real love, genuine love, because you have created a life that you don't want to, like, escape from. So you find that and everything else will find you.
[00:41:37] Speaker B: I like that advice.
[00:41:38] Speaker A: I do, too. Now, do you have children?
[00:41:42] Speaker C: Yeah, I got a son.
[00:41:44] Speaker A: How old's your son?
[00:41:46] Speaker C: My son will be 3. December 20th.
[00:41:50] Speaker A: I was gonna say, is he dating yet, but never mind, because I was gonna ask what kind of advice do you give your son when he has issues? But.
[00:41:59] Speaker C: Yeah, he's. This is probably the smartest kid I ever seen in my life. He's 2 years old. He's talking running like he's an athlete. I'm gonna try to get him to play professional baseball.
[00:42:11] Speaker B: I know that's right. Yes.
[00:42:14] Speaker A: That's where the money's at.
[00:42:15] Speaker C: I didn't have the support, you know, so.
[00:42:20] Speaker A: And in what ways would you say that people could break the cycle of having these delusional relationships or ideas?
[00:42:28] Speaker B: Yeah. What's the best way? What recommendations would you give women to basically not have the kind of delusional or fantasy thinking of when approaching a relationship? What would you advise us?
[00:42:40] Speaker C: Well, I would advise them to tell a man what you want, right? And tell them and learn how to talk and speak life into your man. Sometimes when you talk to your man, you talk down to him. You make them feel like he is worthless. You know what I mean, like, the same way you talk to your queen is the same way you. You supposed to talk to. Well, the same way I talk to a queen is the same way a woman is supposed to talk to a king. You get the best results with how you speak to somebody. And if you're talking down to them and you make them feel like they're not valued or not respected, because a man wants respect. He doesn't care about love, right? It wants love. Like, we want different things. So you get what out of the person, what you bring out the person. So if you're talking to him crazy, you're gonna bring the worst out of them. You're talking to them with respect and love and compassion. He will do anything in the world for you, guaranteed.
[00:43:48] Speaker B: Well, while we get ready to wrap up, I do want to hear a little bit more about some of your projects so people know how we can find you, how we can plug you. Especially, like, we found out about your album that just came out and we want to know more about your show. So tell us, like, what all are you involved in and how we can find you?
[00:44:05] Speaker C: Well, right now I'm working on. I'm gonna be doing a live show. I put an album out called Ghetto Brilliance.
It's basically like 13 songs.
It's about surviving my environment. It's about, like, motivating.
It's about, you know, staying inspired, staying out the way, staying away from haters and jealousy.
You know, really just elevating your mindset, staying dedicated, staying consistent and, you know, killing. Crushing your goals. You feel me? Like, that's what my album is about. I came from. I'm from the Midwest. I grew up in Oklahoma City, from the northwest side.
You know, grew up in a gang infested area. You know, I. I was in the streets young.
[00:44:58] Speaker A: My.
[00:44:58] Speaker C: My mama was from a broken home. She was molested from the age of 2 to 15. She was adopted. You know, I come from a rough environment, so I had to climb out of these holes and I had to create this person I am today. You know what I mean? To be dismotivated and inspired. So with my music and my movement and everything that I tell young people, you can be whatever it is that you willing to do, the work to do, you can become whatever it is that you want in this life, but you gotta be willing to sacrifice and put in the work.
[00:45:32] Speaker A: Can we get a freestyle?
[00:45:36] Speaker C: Freestyle?
[00:45:37] Speaker B: Do you freestyle or do you write?
[00:45:40] Speaker C: I ain't really, you know what I'm saying? I pay style. You know what I'M saying listen, listen.
[00:45:45] Speaker A: Okay, well, give us eight bars off your album.
[00:45:49] Speaker C: I got a song called Humble Beginnings. So what I said, I said watch who you befriending? A lot of fried steady pretending that life looking hard, will it keep you from winning? Poor money management, you need to learn how to spend it with money coming fast? Got you showing your ass?
What I said trying to be seen? Got Jack boy starting the scheme with dreams of a triple beam? End up chasing the cream with no direction? All we know was the? All we knew was to fight and rep our section? Story of a young adolescent? A dream to shine fluorescent? We chasing attention? You've been skipping school since they put your ass in detention? So many roadblocks, it's hard to endure? It's hard to tell when the love is pure? You got a lot of motivation from brother Shakur. Like brother Nas said, the world is yours.
[00:46:39] Speaker B: Hey.
[00:46:41] Speaker A: Bars, microphone. And where can people find you if.
[00:46:48] Speaker B: You want to be found?
[00:46:49] Speaker A: Oh, he want to be found. I can tell.
[00:46:53] Speaker C: You can look my music up on all major platforms under TP the Dime. So TP T H A D O N so TP the Don. You can look me up on there on YouTube and you can look me up on Instagram TPZ12.
Or you come get to my barbershop in Buckhead. 2115 Piedmont Road.
I'm in. We in the heart of the city. You know what I'm saying? So you can pull up, you can come to my bodega. We say we serve food. We got convenience store products, tobacco products.
[00:47:32] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:47:33] Speaker C: And I have a motivational clothing line called Struggle and Strife. Live Life. I've been doing 20 years.
[00:47:38] Speaker B: So listen, you got a website for your clothing?
[00:47:43] Speaker C: I had a website for my clothing line, but was nobody buying that off of there. So I just tell them, come to.
[00:47:48] Speaker A: The store, open to the shop.
I love it. Nick B. Where can they find you?
[00:47:56] Speaker B: So I can be found on Instagram @nickbnickb, and that's Nick with a K. Of course you can reach out to me on all platforms of Dirty Roses podcast. May that be our Instagram, our Facebook, or even our Tik Tok. So that's how you can get a hold of me. Ms. Lee Laree, how can we find you?
[00:48:14] Speaker A: Well, before you see where you can find me, don't forget about this beautiful space that we in that you could find us in while we record in, okay? So shout out to the Poetic justice foundation out here in Portland, Oregon. They are doing some amazing things with educating folks about sustainability property owner, investment management, all those things. And they're doing, like, a lot of educational work in the community for the black community. So that's really important. So y'all need to look them up@the poeticjusticefoundation.org check them out there, read about their mission, find about their activities. But you can also donate so they can keep doing this work because. Because of what they do, we can have this space that we in now.
[00:48:56] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:48:57] Speaker A: But to find me, to find me, you can go to every social media platform. Lila Re L E I G H L A R I E. That is how you can find me. Dirty Roses podcast on all platforms. Dirtyrosespodcast.com you can leave us a review, leave us a voicemail feedback, catch up on all four seasons, share a story. You can share a story here. Hit us
[email protected] because we want your stories. If you want to give advice or get advice, that's where you can find us at. But in the meantime, sir, we gonna follow you. We gonna add your music to our page. We gonna link it all. Cause we wanna see you win, sir.
[00:49:41] Speaker C: Thank you. I appreciate that. Thanks for having me.
[00:49:44] Speaker A: Yeah. Thank you for joining us.
[00:49:46] Speaker C: Yeah. I love y'all outlook.
[00:49:49] Speaker A: Thank you. Thank you. Well, we will catch y'all next time.
[00:49:53] Speaker B: Guess what, rose buddies, we are thrilled to introduce our new sponsorship packages. Be sure to hit us
[email protected] to inquire how we can showcase your brand on our platforms.
