[00:00:01] Speaker A: I'm Lila Ree.
[00:00:02] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B.
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Listen, we're just two single girls from the city of roses discussing all things love, lust, and perception.
[00:00:09] Speaker B: And roses are a symbol of all things beautiful about love.
[00:00:12] Speaker A: But as you know, love can get a little dirty. So we're here to talk about it.
[00:00:16] Speaker B: Dirty Roses podcast starts now.
[00:00:18] Speaker A: Hey, I'm Lila Ree.
[00:00:20] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: And welcome to Dirty Roses Podcast. Today we are talking about something we both know about a little bit.
[00:00:28] Speaker C: A little bit something.
[00:00:29] Speaker A: Since, you know, we're of a fine wine age.
[00:00:31] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:00:32] Speaker A: And out here in these streets, a little bit untraditional outside. Right, right, right. So we talk about coloring out to the lines.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:00:39] Speaker A: Non traditional dating practices and everything else that goes along with that. So every episode, or almost every episode at this point starts with a story, and it's me. You know, honestly, because I'm divorced, I never dated prior to being married. I. Which is weird because how did I get married and didn't date? But it's a thing that happened. Got married really early. So I. My entire adulthood, I was married, didn't date as an adult. And now I'm in my 40s. Well, newly in my 40s. I'm not going to go all the way deep in my 40s, but I'm in my 40s and I'm dating. And that is kind of non traditional to be a first time dater in my 40s.
[00:01:20] Speaker B: She's learning a lot.
[00:01:21] Speaker A: I'm. I am learning a lot. And I found out that I'm a little bit more experimental than a lot of people or than you, I think.
[00:01:27] Speaker B: You thought you were.
[00:01:28] Speaker A: Thought I was, yeah, absolutely. Especially given that test that we took, the BDSM test that we took. I found out I have a little. A few kinks and freaks and likes and dislikes.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: Right.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: So anywho, this episode today is us talking about non traditional dating and making something beautiful by not following what the standard has set for us.
[00:01:49] Speaker B: Right.
[00:01:50] Speaker A: Hence coloring.
[00:01:51] Speaker B: Coloring outside the lines.
[00:01:52] Speaker A: And you came up with this title because of our guest.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:01:55] Speaker A: So you introduce.
[00:01:56] Speaker B: I would love to introduce you guys to our guest today. So joining us is actually a friend of mine who I've known for a couple years. Her name is Queen Drizzy. And Queen Drizzy is an artiste, okay. She's art minded, she's outgoing. She looks at things through a different lens with different angles and a whole different perception, as most artists do. That's pretty traditional and on par for us. And what I have known of her in the past is that she has been in some pretty.
From what I knew, average relationship, you know, guy meets girl, girl meets guy, they meet up, they have a thing, they're in a relationship. And I was like, okay, great. Congratulations on your love life. Right.
Well, we connected again over the summer at a cool little pool party we were at. And, you know, I was just checking in on her, how are things going? And found out that she's no longer in the relationship. I knew where to be in, so I was just testing the water, like, well, what's new with you? What's going on? And evidently a lot is new with her and a lot is going on.
And she was absolutely gushing, just happy. And I could see that she was sitting in her present happiness. And I said, you know what? I would love to talk with you more about what's making you happy today, what you're doing with yourself. That has been different in the past. And talk a little bit about this non traditional lifestyle we have. So welcome, miss Queen Drizzy. Thank you.
[00:03:35] Speaker A: Welcome.
[00:03:38] Speaker C: Nice to meet you, Leigh.
[00:03:40] Speaker A: Yes, you too.
[00:03:42] Speaker C: First of all, you already kind of like, warmed me up because one of my kink slash identities in this new space, I've learned that I kind of have a goddess, deity, kink. So, like, just blowing my horn. It's just like, like, my toes are tingling.
[00:04:00] Speaker A: Oh, toot that horn, girl.
[00:04:04] Speaker C: I really landed in this space after two more serious relationships that, you know, like she said, very, as we would call it, vanilla.
[00:04:16] Speaker B: Very good.
[00:04:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:18] Speaker C: You know, status quo, if you will. And not to downplay those relationships at all, because, number one, I want to say that, you know, whenever you're in a relationship, be it platonic or romantic, all of that is building your character. You should be learning more about yourself. And all of those. All of that is. All of that is part of your journey. And so not to like, throw shade at either of my, you know, former partners or anything like that, but, you know, I am a very honest and transparent person. So, you know, I'll speak to. Speak to where I am with them as we are now.
[00:04:56] Speaker B: But I think you kind of started to tap into this.
[00:05:00] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:05:01] Speaker B: Could you tell me a little bit more, in your opinion, what you consider to be a traditional relationship versus non traditional?
[00:05:09] Speaker C: I would say in the context of, like, either lifestyle is what, you know, a term that people use to refer to people who just have non traditional relationship styles. So that includes polygamy, people honoring themselves if they're asexual, lot. There's lots of Ways that. That, you know, non traditional versus traditional. But if we're going to categorize basically anything that isn't heteronormative. So girl, guy, marriage, children, the whole like, you know, 2.5 and very vanilla sex.
[00:05:45] Speaker B: And very vanilla sex.
[00:05:48] Speaker C: All those, you know. But again, like, again, as an artist, like, the way that I continue to see the themes of, you know, inclusivity emerging even in the lifestyle space, it's very affirming. And I really would love for, like, people who really say they're for inclusivity to really think about what that means. And that doesn't just mean, you know, it's not just about race, it's not just about gender. It's about, like, in all aspects of life, we invite and are welcoming to even the things we don't understand or that are different. And not because we're going to demonize or, you know, like, put one group in one category, but like, really because it. Love and bliss and joy and all those pleasure and things.
It's like a blank canvas. You literally can paint with all the colors.
We're gonna really talk about coloring outside the lines. Like, I'm think I'm talking like Basquiat, Jackson Pollock, like, Like, you know, or, you know, Baudrian or, you know, the very stoic, like Monet. Like, we can make it about art, but art is subjective. And so you've got to have, you know, an open mind. You've got to be imaginative. I love how the creativity of different people shows up in the space.
[00:07:15] Speaker A: Like, and I want to hear more about that.
[00:07:18] Speaker C: Unexpected. Just wow, for me, of like, wow, there's creativity here. Like, for real. For real. And it's like, you know, it's kinky, it's grown up, you know, and it's in a lot of it, really.
At the top of the year, this is like Loki tangent. That's like my queen title, by the way.
[00:07:38] Speaker A: Hey.
[00:07:39] Speaker C: But at the top of the year, I was in a women's group and we were discussing specifically black women. We were discussing futuring and imagining and dreaming for ourselves, for the future. And we started talking about pleasure. And one of the things that came up when we talked about pleasure is I'm not sure if you've read all about Love by bell hooks, but really examine where we get our idea of what a relationship is. It's based in the psyche of the white male guys.
All the great literary, romantic canons that we've read about have always been, who, Caucasian man? And not to throw shade at them, but understand Back to what we're talking about, about coloring outside the lines. The colors have to include everyone.
[00:08:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:30] Speaker C: There's no color under the sun. So, like, without, you know, including everybody. So we, you know, like, for us only to look at it from this person's angle, we're shorting ourselves.
[00:08:41] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, when did you start kind of exploring a different.
When did you start exploring this non traditional vanilla lifestyle? Is it something you've always been interested in or was it the end of a relationship that you really decided to shift gears?
[00:09:04] Speaker C: To answer your question first, I would say that I officially started to explore after my second relationship ended. And it's funny, when you're in. When you're in lifestyle, like one of the things that people introduce themselves and how they say, like, you know, how long have you been, you know, in the lifestyle or kink or whatever, and you. Whatever, whatever their title is, people usually give the answer of, I officially started. But if I'm really honest and think about it long enough, probably middle school or whatever, once you learn, like, oh, you have a proclivity for this, it's because this thing really interests you and it brings you pleasure. So that could be like a plethora of things, like from sensation play to sensory deprivation, like, there's literally a rainbow of things.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: So you're saying, like, you've had this forever. Like, you, like, kind of deep down inside you've always known that this has been like your thing, that you've had wants and desires and needs that you want to have met. But what was holding you back in your traditional relationships? Like, what prevented you from having those conversations with your partners and saying, this is what I actually want?
[00:10:21] Speaker C: I feel like I was working really hard to express that to my partners, like, what I wanted, what I didn't want. And I think both of them, we were. We were doing the same thing within ourselves in a lot of ways, I think, like, you know, we just. You come to a point where you realize that you both want different things, and that usually is, you know, the catalyst for something to change or something to shift in your relationship or, you know, because it becomes a. Like, you know, do you want this thing more than you want a relationship? Or is this a, you know, you start to measure your boundary for that thing. So, like, is it a hard no? Is it a yes? Maybe I can go without it, or every now and then, or, you know, it depends on what the thing is for you. And so, you know, the tide just changes. And I think in my last relationship, there were. There was Conversation about exploring and doing more adventurous things romantically. And, you know, I got some pushback, and that's totally fine. You know, I think that's also like, to learn your partner and respect their boundary and understand that, you know, by doing that, you don't have to deny yourself because at the end of the day, like, you have to love yourself enough to really want to explore what makes you happy.
[00:11:43] Speaker B: Right. So if you're comfortable sharing.
Have you done anything that you never expected you would have done? That you're like, oh, I love that. And if so, what is it?
[00:11:57] Speaker C: I think you should ask.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: My friends.
[00:12:02] Speaker C: And I, we have this, like, little, like, saying now because it's like, add that to the list. Like, oh, my God. You just explore things and you're just like, didn't know I was gonna like that.
[00:12:12] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:12:12] Speaker C: Where have you been all my life? Like, I'm so relaxed. So if I'm okay, the more the. The more the like, spicy vanilla things that I like.
[00:12:25] Speaker B: I like that. Spicy vanilla.
[00:12:27] Speaker C: Yeah. Like, it's not like something you probably are used to, like, massage. I love massage. And I've always been a very spoiled girly. Like, take myself to the spa, like, couple spa days every every year. Like, mandatory minimum of four. Like, one per quarter. Like, I'm a teacher, so, like, order, you know, routine, but sensual massage, baby.
Okay? It's.
[00:12:55] Speaker B: Did someone that you know personally give that to you, or did you go someplace and get a happy ending that you didn't know was going to happen?
[00:13:02] Speaker C: So when I say sensual, I mean just to be very explicit and clear. Like, I don't mean, like, any penetration is involved, okay, during the massage, but it is a thorough head to toe body, like, rub down.
[00:13:16] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:13:17] Speaker A: I told you.
[00:13:17] Speaker C: I have a goddess giddy king.
[00:13:19] Speaker A: So, like, you know, she's being pampered.
[00:13:22] Speaker C: Yes, I love to be pampered. I am a very spoiled. Like, I have a brat. I have a high brat percentage.
[00:13:31] Speaker B: Okay, what is your. What is your highest percentage of what? What's your top?
[00:13:38] Speaker C: Oh, my top. I have a dominant. I have a pretty high dominance score.
I'm actually gonna have to pull that up and look at it again because I just did it again.
We do it often, regularly because, you know, the more you learn and explore, the more, you know, and absolutely shift, you know, some of your numbers. You're. It's going to skew the data a little.
[00:14:02] Speaker B: So it's interesting you say that we've actually shared this before, that I at one point was dating this guy who was into A BDSM lifestyle. And this was before I knew anything ever about it. Even had to Google what the acronym meant. Right. And I ended up taking this test and of course, highly vanilla. Mostly because I was scared of how to answer these questions. Like, I wasn't comfortable with the questions and therefore played it 100% safe. Just lying to myself. Ain't nobody seen these test scores but me, and I'm still lying. Right.
I also then later shared this test with Leigh Laree, and her test results her first time were also very vanilla, very safe. But as you said, you know, you kind of take this test over and over again. Things change. What you become comfortable with. These questions are no longer foreign.
And absolutely, those numbers and percentages changed a lot. I think your top three changed drastically. Do you remember what your top three were?
[00:15:07] Speaker A: I was switch rope bunny and voyeur.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: Right. And I think mine was switch vanilla the second time I took it. Still pretty vanilla over here.
Switch vanilla and also row bunny.
Right. So those are just the top three that we can remember.
[00:15:31] Speaker C: That's, you know, duality.
[00:15:34] Speaker B: Right, Right. So it's just interesting to hear that even yours kind of switch around and change also.
[00:15:42] Speaker C: Yeah. So I pulled mine up while you guys were talking. I'm 100% a switch. I'm a Pisces. Okay.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:15:50] Speaker C: Everything.
And then voyeur and mistress are my.
[00:15:57] Speaker B: So break down what mistress means again, because I know it gives us definitions, but I don't think I ever had that one.
[00:16:03] Speaker C: So. So on the. On the BDSM side, you know, there's the master and slave dynamic.
[00:16:13] Speaker B: Yeah, that. Okay.
[00:16:15] Speaker A: Does that involve, like, the degrading type?
[00:16:19] Speaker C: Like, it depends on the submissive.
[00:16:22] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:16:23] Speaker C: In that space, the way that that is usually done, you have to form a, you know, relationship.
Master enslaved dynamics sometimes involve contracts, which is actually applicable in a lot of different spaces. A contract. So a little.
[00:16:40] Speaker B: Have you entered into any.
[00:16:41] Speaker C: A little update, Nick?
[00:16:43] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:16:45] Speaker C: Partner and I have decided to, like, you know, discuss the details of a contract.
[00:16:53] Speaker B: Break that down. Because a contract scared the crap out of me.
[00:16:57] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:16:58] Speaker C: And it looked it up on Chat dpt. No bs.
[00:17:01] Speaker B: It absolutely scared me. You know why?
[00:17:04] Speaker A: Wait, hold on. Chat GPT won't let me put no sexual stuff in there. It'd be like, we cannot compute, say.
[00:17:11] Speaker C: The lifestyle use lifestyle or king.
[00:17:14] Speaker B: I think what scared me the most about the contract, and this may just be my personality, is I didn't like the feeling of being controlled. And it wasn't that I don't want to respect somebody else's. Needs and make sure I fall in line and that if those needs aren't met that this happens.
I didn't want to be a 41 year old in time out. I'm not going to be put in time out because it didn't go as planned like we. That was the hardest part for me to wrap my head around is that everything is more black and white because it is spelled out.
And I don't know how do you feel about that?
[00:17:55] Speaker C: So from what I'm hearing from you, what immediately came to mind is, number one, contract doesn't just control you, it controls your partner.
[00:18:03] Speaker B: Right.
[00:18:04] Speaker C: It keeps both of you in line based off of the expectations that you both have explicitly set for each other. And I was. It's funny that we were talking about this because this was literally something that I was kind of reflecting on after my conversation with my partner. And so, you know, it was. It was a lot, you know, defining exclusivity. Like, to what level are we exclusive?
Defining, you know, what behaviors are expected based off of whatever space we are in together, either if we're together or not.
[00:18:41] Speaker B: But then why does that need to be a written contract? Because I feel like for years that's essentially how people defined their relationship.
[00:18:50] Speaker A: Regardless, are there punitive measures in your contract for disobeying the rules and guidelines that you have laid out?
[00:18:59] Speaker C: That's up to you and your partner to determine.
[00:19:02] Speaker A: So then your person, Nick B. Was very much into master slave, the mat. Well, master slave, the dominate or the dominant submissive piece. And wanting to inflict a punishment.
[00:19:17] Speaker B: Absolutely. He said consequence.
[00:19:19] Speaker A: Yeah. So then what she's outlining probably wouldn't have scared you.
[00:19:24] Speaker B: Well, what I think you're outlining to me sounds like how I would enter any monogamous relationship if I'm into somebody and I. Well, assuming that we both want a monogamous relationship, there's that. But if I'm entering in this relationship and we're saying, are we dating each other exclusively? What does exclusivity look like to you?
What I won't tolerate is emotional and physical cheating, those sort of things. And then if those things do happen, it makes me not want to be in this relationship anymore, I may choose to leave. And so what I'm saying is I've now outlined an expectation. I've indicated what a possible consequence of that would be. And it is still up to me ultimately to see it through should anything happen outside of those lines.
Why does a physical contract need to be in place if it's this It's. If it's saying the same thing.
[00:20:23] Speaker C: Well, the purpose of these contracts also, like, explicitly outline, like, safety protocols and, like, safety. Safe words, even, like hygiene, that you and your partner can, you know, have certain standards of hygiene for each other because of the nature of, you know, your activities generally. You know, you want somebody that's very mindful of being cleanly that part. You know, being. Being a responsible hoe.
[00:20:47] Speaker B: You know, being a responsible ho. Don't bring them cooties over here.
[00:20:53] Speaker C: No reason for accident and oops. And there's no reason for that if you are being responsible. Like, and that's another thing. Like, you know, even having this type of conversation with somebody, say you don't want to actually drop a conversation. Maybe you just look at a contract together. That'll give you a lot of insight on that person and, like, the reason that they're in the lifestyle or if they're. Why they're exploring, you know, BDSM or whatever it is that you're discussing. Because, you know, you're still dealing with people and, you know, you want to make sure that, you know, again, what you want and what they want aligns, you know, And I think being able to have something to reference, even for, you know, to cover you both, it's really. It's really, I think, allows for there to be a lot more transparency and honesty because you're both also speaking the same language. And so, like, you know, it kind of ironed out, like, well, what do you mean when you say this? Because I mean this. And it can. You know, you'd be talking about the same thing. But, you know, to a guy, this can mean one thing. And for a woman or the other person involved in the relationship, it could be like, whatever, you know, not a big deal. And to the other person, it's the sun and the stars, you know. So I think it's really helpful as a tool even to really have, excuse me, really explicit conversations. And I think what I found is the contracts and things like that. Even if you're not going to actually, like, sign one, it's helpful as a resource.
[00:22:20] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:22:21] Speaker C: I think that's probably the one thing that I was pleasantly surprised by, like, you know, doing the BDSM test and like that giving me some, like, base to, like, okay, look into that. I have a high percentage of that or kind of like almost like a map to what to explore, you know, and just based off of knowing what the words are. Even, like, there's so much new terminology. It's a whole, oh, Canon, I was gonna say.
[00:22:45] Speaker B: In your quest of exploration, are there groups that you belong to?
[00:22:51] Speaker C: Not officially, but there are certain venues that I have, or, like, certain party planners or event planners who coordinate things, or just people that I've met that are really fun, that I hang out with regularly. But officially, no. I haven't joined anywhere in particular. Gotten memberships, no.
[00:23:10] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:23:10] Speaker A: I'm just curious as to what is, like, the freakiest, nastiest thing that you've done since being authentically yourself.
[00:23:20] Speaker C: Freakiest nastiest thing?
I. I don't even use those terms in particular, but I think the most, like, the most surprising thing that's happened is I found that I'm a quarter.
It is quite an experience. It's, like, really exciting when it happens.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: So you say that you've discovered you are. So we've had a couple episodes about squirting.
[00:23:50] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:23:51] Speaker B: And we actually had a sexologist on one of our episodes who made it clear that there's, like a whole roadmap to make it happen.
So my question to you is, you recently discovered that you are. Is that because somebody went up to the left and found that right spot or. Or is it because you have relaxed yourself enough to allow someone to find that spot?
[00:24:17] Speaker C: It's both.
[00:24:18] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:24:19] Speaker C: Absolutely both. It's like you have to know the combination to the lock.
[00:24:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:25] Speaker C: Also, I also have to, like, trust you to. With the lock in general.
[00:24:29] Speaker B: Right.
[00:24:30] Speaker A: Are you able to control when it happens?
[00:24:33] Speaker C: I can. Yeah.
[00:24:34] Speaker B: I'm.
[00:24:35] Speaker C: I'm a. I'm a fighter. I fight all of my, like, my orgasm. Like, I, like, literally fight against it every time. So. Yeah. But I can, like. Yeah.
[00:24:46] Speaker B: Control when you're ready to do that.
[00:24:47] Speaker C: Yeah. When they're ready for it to happen, like, I can fight it off. You know, like, it's really like knowing, like, your body, like, you really have to be in tune with your mind, like, know, like, the angle and like, how, like, what speed.
[00:25:02] Speaker B: So then do you. Are you exploring with many partners or do you just have one that's helping you kind of figure out your body and what you like?
[00:25:12] Speaker C: That's a very specific question.
I'm gonna play the fifth on that one.
[00:25:19] Speaker B: Okay. And that's fine.
[00:25:20] Speaker A: And now she didn't say all at one time. Like.
[00:25:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:23] Speaker A: Over the course of your journey of self discovery, has it been various people that you've interacted with over time that have helped you identify things, or has there been, like, specific people, persons that have been like. That was the moment where I realized I liked X, Y, And Z.
[00:25:42] Speaker B: I.
[00:25:42] Speaker C: Would say it's been, like, maybe a couple people, specifically, because we've had, like, just really good energy and connection and then a surprise, like, one or two once or twice.
[00:25:58] Speaker B: Okay, so kind of going back to your previous relationships, did you ever ex. Did you ever explore with any of the men you were dating that was something out of vanilla? Outside of vanilla?
[00:26:15] Speaker C: Well, my. My first relationship, we were celibate.
[00:26:20] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:26:20] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:26:21] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:26:21] Speaker B: So we would have made a whole 180.
[00:26:25] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:26:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:27] Speaker A: Did it ever come out of celibacy?
[00:26:29] Speaker C: Sorry.
[00:26:30] Speaker A: Did you all never. Did you all ever stop to celibate together?
[00:26:35] Speaker B: Did you stop being celibate together, or.
[00:26:38] Speaker A: Were you like, f this shit. I'm out, bitch.
[00:26:42] Speaker C: Oh, God.
[00:26:51] Speaker B: Take one more seal.
[00:26:55] Speaker C: Yes. So we actually were intimate after we broke up.
[00:27:01] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:27:03] Speaker C: Which was, you know, interesting because, like, at that state, it's like, you know, the passion and the romance that you, I think, initially envision, you know, like, if you're in a relationship that's celibate, you know, you're looking forward to that, and then, you know, you release that and you grieve because it's over. So you're grieving, Right. That expectation once the relationship has ended, and then to actually do the act and be like, well, I went through all those emotions before, and now I'm like, whatever.
[00:27:32] Speaker A: It sounded disappointing.
[00:27:34] Speaker C: I don't know. It was kind of like, huh, okay.
[00:27:38] Speaker A: Was that, like, validation for why y'all broke up? You're like, yeah, this was the right decision in a lot of ways, I.
[00:27:44] Speaker C: Feel like it kind of was. Like, I think that was definitely a lesson that I walked away with. Like, I'm not gonna say, like, I dodged a bullet, but when I think about, like, that partner and who I am now, they. I feel like they would be very uncomfortable.
[00:28:06] Speaker B: So we have a guest.
[00:28:08] Speaker C: You know, for me, that. That's the, like. Like, the partner I have now. He's like. He's also in the lifestyle, and so he's very adventurous, you know, like. And it's not. And it's. It's not like, a control thing. You know, it's like, what do you want to do? I don't know. Are you into that? Oh, let's try it. Or, you know, like, you know.
[00:28:31] Speaker B: So we had a guest on this season who kind of outlined that sex will always be good if you are in love with your partner.
And they. They posed the question, have you ever had bad sex with someone you cared about? Which I'm now kind of throwing to you because you Mentioned that you and that one particular ex got together physically after the relationship ended. And I imagine that it ended. The relationship. The relationship ended because feelings at some point had changed towards each other. Do you think that that experience would have been better had you had it when you were in the height of passion of each other?
[00:29:19] Speaker C: I honestly think it probably would have been something that we probably were, like, ashamed at, had happened because of spiritual, religious reasons. You know, chose to be celibate in our relationship because we were, you know, both Christian and choosing to go the route that we were taught that this is how you're supposed to court dating versus courting. Like that.
Having spiritual accountability, like, in a more mature couple, doing, like, the marriage prep class, like, all the things.
So.
[00:30:05] Speaker A: Has your spirituality changed or has your. Has your spirituality changed since you've gone on this different path?
[00:30:14] Speaker C: Yes, I would say.
You know, I was raised Southern Baptist Christian, and I still very much so believe in Jesus. I believe in God.
However, I also see that we, in our limited understanding of spirituality and in faith, again, with inclusivity, like, understanding that faith looks different for different people.
[00:30:43] Speaker A: Right.
[00:30:43] Speaker C: And the practices and the traditions and the. And the ritual that come from those spaces is also diverse. And so we really have to take a moment and think about what that is. But I love the parallels that I see across faiths, even, you know, like, in African spiritual practice, in the Judah, in Judas faith. You know, I think that there's a lot of learning that we can do from each other and unlearning that we should be doing from each other. I think when I went to Dubai, that was back in 2017, the one thing that I absolutely loved about being in their country was in their temples, in their mosque, like, strict regimen and order. And I think in the BDSM space, in the same token, there's a lot of order and there's a lot of regimen, and there's things that are not acceptable. There's behaviors that are frowned upon, you know, and I think, like, being open to that, including being open to spiritual practices that are different than mine. And even, you know, even if I choose not to become a devout anything, right? Being able to respect other people's differences and not like, ew, like they call it. Don't yuck somebody else's yum.
[00:32:12] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:32:13] Speaker C: I know that this thing is like. Like knife play and, like, blood play and stuff like that. Like, I don't like gory horror movies, so I definitely in the least inclined to indulge in that, but I'm not Going, you know, like, again, I'm not going to talk bad about that because I know that for myself, that's not for me. But I also know that somebody does get pleasure from this or enjoys this or find this intriguing or exciting. And so, you know, you don't want to ruin that, you know, parade for somebody else.
[00:32:40] Speaker A: But that's why I like that test, because it really allowed you to explore all of the options.
[00:32:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:45] Speaker A: Then it's a good, a good thing to share with your partner, to be like, here's, here's what I like. And there, you don't have to, like, second guess it. It's very out. It's outlined, like, here's what I like. And if you like these same things, cool. And you know what I don't like, and it's like, it's upfront and, you know.
[00:33:04] Speaker B: So I know this. But for our listeners, do you have children?
And if you do or don't, would your children know about your lifestyle?
[00:33:20] Speaker C: Ooh.
So I do not have children.
I, I work with children, which is very stressful. But what I allow them to know about my lifestyle, I would, I would allow them to learn. I would, I allow them to learn things that were appropriate for them to know.
But as far as, like, you know, it's. I wouldn't explain the intimate details of my bedroom experience with any child. That's inappropriate. Like, they need to be learning how to read and write. You can focus on that other stuff later, you know, but as far as, like, using proper medical terminology to explain, you know, things to children so they are aware, you know, even for their own safety. Absolutely. But again, I think, you know, like I said, I'm an educator to my core, so developmentally appropriate timing.
[00:34:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:11] Speaker C: And, and then the conversation around it, even, I think it's, I think you're able to arm children with information without tainting their innocence. It just has done with intention.
It has to be done with, like, with intention and, like, their innocence being a priority in the conversation, but also informing them as well.
[00:34:38] Speaker A: Right. Have there been challenges to dating now that you've discovered what you like and you're comfortable in being in that space.
[00:34:47] Speaker C: Just waiting for him to show up, you know, But I think also, like, I'm excited, you know, that I'm learning more about what I like. And so I, I would imagine that that's what's also happening for, you know, my forever partner.
[00:35:04] Speaker A: Are you finding that you're, you're entertaining people who just happen to enjoy that same lifestyle, or are you meeting People still that are, like, that's. They're looking at you and they're yucking your yum.
[00:35:16] Speaker C: Well, I definitely meet people who are, like, very much still prudish. Like, that's totally normal. I expect that that's, you know, the norm. But as far as, like, I'm meeting other people out in outside spaces, you know, that I'm kind of like, glance that twice. You know, once or twice. I've been on a couple of dates. Nothing, you know, substantial, but, you know, a couple suitors.
[00:35:40] Speaker B: So kind of going back to how you were raised, very Southern Baptist, and those are your ideologies and the spirituality that you follow, do you find that in a.
In a highly.
In this space of sexual exploration where oftentimes people may not have the same spiritual compass, is it hard to find someone that you're spiritually compatible with and physically compatible with? Sexually compatible with would be a better phrase.
[00:36:18] Speaker C: Oh, absolutely. It's a very tall order.
[00:36:21] Speaker B: Yeah. I could imagine. And not. Not even to say that because someone is into BDSM lifestyle that they don't have any religious compass. But I have found that more people who I've met that are into a BDSM lifestyle or different types of sexual exploration, that they tend to walk further away from their religious upbringings.
[00:36:48] Speaker A: I think that's just the ones that are open about their lifestyles because them churches be having some closeted freaks, right? And they.
[00:36:56] Speaker B: Well, but that's why I'm like, is it harder to find that person? Because I feel like we're almost trying to find a healthy balance between the super conservative, God wouldn't want this. No sex before marriage, and if so, be abstinent. There's that versus discover yourself. Discover what makes you happy. Find someone who does want to sexually please you as well as emotionally, mentally, and spiritually feed you. And I can imagine that that would be, like you said, a tall order to fill. So how do we find that person in this space?
[00:37:32] Speaker C: Well, I, I. The more that I live, I realize, like, everybody's journey is different. And there's different shades and colors and variances of every type of thing you could describe for each person exponentially. So for all of us to be trying to follow the same roadmap is, first of all, asinine. One.
But two, if you're in this space, I feel like there's a level of unlearning you have intentionally done because you found it's like, this does not serve me. Like, these are the tools and the habits and the routines and the Practices that allowed me to arrive to a certain point. But now the alchemy for those things has shifted. And so do I still have a prayer life? A spiritual life? Absolutely. Do I. Like I said, I still identify as Christian, but at the same time, within my Christianity as a black woman, I have discovered that there are certain ideologies and practices that were emphasized in my upbringing because for a certain time, that was the tool and, you know, the means of survival and what was deemed as appropriateness.
Now, where I reside and how I am an adult, I can discern for myself that, okay, this doesn't serve me any longer. And me thinking this way, whom does that benefit? That was the question that I also had to ask him, ask myself often of, like, me having this particular perspective on sexual who does that benefit?
Is that based on what's the most highest potential and best use for me?
[00:39:25] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:26] Speaker C: Is that my priority? Maybe not. So shifting my perspective on a lot of things that were either taught to be. It has to be this way versus I'm an artist. I believe there's many ways to do lots of different things.
[00:39:41] Speaker B: So what I don't know is, are you an only child? And do your parents, without being all in your business, but do they have any thoughts about how you choose to live now versus maybe how they raised you?
[00:40:02] Speaker C: We have not had that conversation in detail.
My siblings and I are extremely close, so there's very little that they don't know. However, my parents, yeah, I've, like, sort of had conversations to kind of test the waters and see it's giving. Don't tell me no more. I don't want to know.
[00:40:27] Speaker B: Stop right there.
[00:40:30] Speaker C: But I would say, like, if I wanted to have a conversation with my dad, it probably would be a lot easier than one with my mom.
But, you know, as of right now.
[00:40:39] Speaker B: It'S like, I mean, I know it's tough. Just in general, regardless of what your sexual preferences are, having any conversation about your sex life with your parents is kind of like, what?
[00:40:51] Speaker A: Listen to this podcast and be like, oh, let me tell you about my experience with that. I'd be like, no, mom, no. Don't do it, please.
[00:40:58] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh.
[00:40:59] Speaker C: Which is so crazy because I do have friends who have, like, you know, they hack. They can have those conversations with their parents. I was like, what? But again, the rainbow of experiences that we all come from, like, some of us can talk about certain things in our families and some of us can't. And some of that probably manifests in how you even, like, you know, I'm a late bloomer, quote unquote.
[00:41:20] Speaker A: So like, when did you lose your virginity?
[00:41:23] Speaker C: Oh, girl 23.
[00:41:25] Speaker B: Oh, so that's not far after me.
[00:41:28] Speaker C: Yeah, So I was 18 are, I.
[00:41:34] Speaker A: Would say your mama, but I love dosy.
So listen, so like my grandmother was a teacher and this was back in the day like before social media, before all that. She was very much a hippie, very much free love and rumor has it, I don't know if I'm able to verify the truth to this, but I was told that she was fired from her job as a teacher because parents community were not approving of her lifestyle during her personal time. And so I wonder, in the era of social media and all that, is that ever an issue for you?
[00:42:09] Speaker C: No, I'm on the union number one for my contract. Like there's nothing that I have, you know, posted that would, you know, con, you know, like compromise my anything like. Gotcha.
I am aware that this is my job over here and this is my personal life. Well, it's separate, but you have to, again, you have to be mindful of that.
That doesn't happen on accident because some people out here.
[00:42:42] Speaker B: Well, I mean, when you think about the, the case of the police officer lady who was having all the, the fun with the other police officer men, I mean, one could argue that what she does in her personal life shouldn't have anything to do with her job. Now granted, these were men that she worked with, but it absolutely affected her career.
[00:43:04] Speaker A: I mean, but there's also no fraternization policies, right?
[00:43:07] Speaker C: That's an HR thing. Like you don't, you don't shit where you eat, right?
[00:43:11] Speaker A: But it'd be different if she was having her orgy parties with men that weren't colleagues. I think maybe it'd be different.
Okay, maybe.
[00:43:21] Speaker C: Definitely. That's an HR model.
There's all types of like, come on, man, come on, come on.
[00:43:30] Speaker B: That's hilarious.
[00:43:31] Speaker A: What are some of the biggest misconceptions that people may have? Just understanding at bare minimum about you?
[00:43:42] Speaker C: So I think like most people assume that, I guess because I'm a plus size woman that a, you don't, you know, command the room or that you, and you get, you get to like, you know, kind of have your pick of whatever like in the space. Like it's, it's, I don't know, it's not a, it's not something that I would like explicitly explain, but I will say like there have been events that I've attended where, you know, I've gotten Like side eyed or you know, looked at, like what, you know, like, because of like, you know what you're into. For example. So I've done electro play, which is actually really exhilarating.
[00:44:33] Speaker B: What is electro play?
[00:44:34] Speaker C: Electro play is like using like electric. I'm sorry, electric charge. And you can like. There's different tools that they use to.
[00:44:44] Speaker B: You'd be setting your nipples on buzz.
[00:44:46] Speaker A: I swear to God. You gave that exact example on the BDSM sexual compatibility episode where you like, I don't want nobody electrocuting my tits. Like, you literally said that.
[00:44:56] Speaker B: I did say that.
[00:44:57] Speaker A: That is hilarious. And you like it?
[00:44:59] Speaker C: Oh, I love it. Oh, my God. It's so like, it's like, it's. I like. So again, it's. It's kind of. It falls under sensation play. And so, you know, I like massage. Like, I love like touch in general. And so it's a different type of touch, of course, but it's like like someone dragging like a pin across your skin or like.
Yeah, there's lots of different.
[00:45:23] Speaker A: I might be in the sensation play.
[00:45:26] Speaker C: Like vlogging. That's like turn me on.
Like the fingers. It's like the brush.
I think of like a tassel.
[00:45:36] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
[00:45:37] Speaker C: The flogger. I like, I like that.
Yeah, that's part of impact play. There's lots of different. I haven't done. I just did fireplace the other day. That was.
[00:45:47] Speaker B: Wait, what is fireplace? How does that.
[00:45:50] Speaker C: Oh, it was so good.
[00:45:53] Speaker B: What's being lit on fire?
[00:45:56] Speaker C: So they take like.
So they have different tools that they use. Like sometimes they'll have a glove on that the glove is on fire and they'll like rub it on your body.
But it's really like another level of massage. It's like a warmth that kind of like coats your body.
[00:46:12] Speaker A: It's like how I feel when the wax hits my body.
[00:46:16] Speaker B: Okay. I think I can understand wax. I've had wax poured on me because it doesn't really, like, hurt. It's not giving me no third degree.
[00:46:24] Speaker A: Right, Right.
[00:46:25] Speaker C: Yeah, it's tempered. It's not going to like scald you. That's not the point.
[00:46:28] Speaker B: Okay, so you like the yanking and spanking and the. And the getting lit on fire.
[00:46:33] Speaker A: And electrocuted.
[00:46:34] Speaker B: And electrocuted girl gonna bring you the electric company.
[00:46:41] Speaker C: Yeah, I have a. I have a.
[00:46:42] Speaker A: High central dominion light and gas.
[00:46:50] Speaker B: Oh my gosh, that is hilarious. So I don't think I've had. I've never been lit on fire.
I have not been mildly electrocuted outside of like A vibrator. Just that.
But I have had the hot wax.
I definitely agree with you on sensual touch. I'm. I'm someone who likes to be touched also. Just like little that.
[00:47:16] Speaker A: I had a friend who got shocked by her vibrator.
[00:47:21] Speaker B: Was it missing the protective cover?
[00:47:24] Speaker A: It was the kind that had the cord that had a remote control to it. And I think she said she turned it on too high, put a little jolt and she said she threw it across the room.
[00:47:36] Speaker C: I bet she did.
[00:47:38] Speaker A: I said, I said that's why we have moved to rechargeables and non corded devices because ma'am never plug corded things.
[00:47:46] Speaker C: I'm pretty sure that was in the manual. Not to leave it on the cord and plug it in.
[00:47:50] Speaker B: Oh my God. No, it came with this. So this isn't me, but Ivan, I know kind of the device you're talking about back in the day, like the bullet. The bullet used to come with a cord where you could manually turn up the setting in one hand and then on maybe like a two foot cord was then the device. And this was really think pre iPhone. Okay. Think flip phone era before everything was wireless and touchless.
[00:48:19] Speaker A: Right.
[00:48:20] Speaker B: It was more that era of sex toys.
[00:48:23] Speaker A: The era where there's actual batteries.
[00:48:25] Speaker B: Actual batteries where when you ran out of double A's, you were running around the house looking for the remote that had a AAA that you could steal.
[00:48:33] Speaker A: I bet you somebody discovered edging because their vibrator ran out. Like they're like accidental edging was invented at that moment.
[00:48:42] Speaker C: Like, oh my God, I'm a teaser. I love edging. Listen, I love a lot.
[00:48:50] Speaker A: For those of y'all that don't know what edging is, that is when you get to the moment right before the climax and then you take it away.
[00:48:58] Speaker C: I'd be pissed.
[00:48:59] Speaker B: I'd be the one be like, nobody.
[00:49:01] Speaker A: Told you to stop.
[00:49:08] Speaker C: They were. They were pissed off. They were very mad.
[00:49:12] Speaker A: You didn't discuss it with them beforehand. You just did it.
[00:49:14] Speaker C: It just was in the moment. I was, I didn't, you know, I was like, oh, that's a good idea. Let's stop see what happened.
[00:49:19] Speaker A: That's a good idea to just.
[00:49:21] Speaker B: And lights back on. I gotta run to the store.
[00:49:24] Speaker A: Here's your ice.
[00:49:25] Speaker B: My Uber delivery just arrived.
[00:49:29] Speaker A: I cannot.
So do you have like a core group of friends who as we're having these conversations you can have these same conversations with or do you find that your friends a little bit more prudent? You kind of have to have like a A separate network of people.
[00:49:48] Speaker C: I think it's.
I have friends who I can talk with about this.
I know I've discerned and discovered more which friends, you know, I can be a certain level of explicit with and others that would like, you know, the. The gist but not the details.
Yeah, I think I have both. I have new friends that I definitely talk about all the things with because, you know, they're in the lifestyle. And then I have my friends who, you know, my. My good old friends, my squad tribe. That's what I usually.
My tribe who, you know, I know how much to tell so and so versus somebody else.
[00:50:28] Speaker B: Is there anything you haven't experienced yet that you want to.
[00:50:32] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, girl. There's a whole list.
[00:50:34] Speaker A: You said add that to the list.
What is your list consist of?
[00:50:38] Speaker C: So the list is added to the list of things you like that. Oh, you didn't know you like that. That's what that list is.
[00:50:44] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
[00:50:45] Speaker C: The list of things that I'm interested in and trying. Oh, yeah, I have a whole bunch of things. I'm just like, I want to try that one day or something.
[00:50:50] Speaker B: Like, I haven't done any plans of execution. Like, have you? For example, we. In this season, when you get a chance to listen, we read a letter that a guest wrote in about where she ended up going to a paint party.
She was meeting a guy on a blind date, and he was exactly what he looked like. This is her first time. But she brought her girlfriend cause she wanted to be safe. So her and her homegirl went to this paint party.
They all essentially painted each other, but it was in the nude with a group of people watching. And it was very sensual.
And I think that that was something that was maybe on her bucket list. And so she found a way to execute it. Are you kind of in the same space where you're like, you know what? This activity sounds interesting. I'm about ready to put that on my list.
[00:51:44] Speaker C: You know, it's funny you say that because that's literally like, as I've met event planners. That's literally the event that I want to plan. I want to a body painting party.
[00:51:54] Speaker B: They got them in the area.
[00:51:56] Speaker C: I just found story, by the way, the first time I ever saw an actual, like, male penis, like, in person, I was. I went to Howard and I was taking a sculpture class, figure sculpture. And so we had live models. And that was the first time I ever seen, like I told you, late bloomer.
[00:52:16] Speaker B: Late bloomer.
[00:52:17] Speaker A: Wait, but you never saw one, even though you Never. I mean, you didn't have to do.
[00:52:20] Speaker C: Anything in person like living color.
[00:52:24] Speaker A: Okay, gotcha. That makes sense.
[00:52:26] Speaker B: It wasn't my first time seeing it, but undergrad was my first time drawing one because I art major also. We had live drawing class and we had nude models, both guys and girls.
[00:52:36] Speaker A: And my stick figure would have been fucking hung.
[00:52:42] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. This has been an amazing conversation and I wish we could continue diving more into this because it has been so much fun speaking with you, Miss Queen Drizzy. But we do have to start wrapping up, so I am curious one, if you want to be found, where can people find you?
Queen jersey on Instagram. Got it.
[00:53:06] Speaker A: We will tag you.
[00:53:06] Speaker B: We will tag you especially for this video.
[00:53:09] Speaker A: Nick B. Before we do our outro.
[00:53:10] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:53:11] Speaker A: Look at these shirts.
[00:53:13] Speaker B: Hold on, hold on. Look, can you see my boobs?
[00:53:16] Speaker A: Oh, my.
Listen, you feel that shirt out? Good girl. You know, whole logo on display. We gonna electrocute you through the shirt. But no, check this out. So I went to a fashion show a few weeks ago and there was a bunch of designers on display, did their walk and Portland Love was one of the brands reached out. I was like, listen, we want to shout out your.
[00:53:41] Speaker C: Your shirt.
[00:53:41] Speaker A: We want to have your shirt. We want to have your, you know, your support.
[00:53:44] Speaker B: Small business, black business.
[00:53:46] Speaker A: So black business in Portland. Portland Love. You can find them at Portland Love Clothing XOXO on ig. I believe they do a lot of pop ups. They'll be out in the communities doing things.
So check them out. They have a whole bunch of stuff on their IG page. You can reach out to them because they absolutely responded and got us some shirts. So check them out.
[00:54:08] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:54:08] Speaker A: And not only that, but we are in a space, we're talking about black businesses. And this space is hosted by the Poetic Justice Foundation. They do a lot of work around wealth building the community, specifically the black community, investments and education and outreach.
And so they have a really good mission about investing back into the black community and helping the black community invest in themselves. We're breaking those generational curses of not having wealth.
[00:54:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:54:37] Speaker A: So check them out@the poeticjusticefoundation.org you can read more about them, you can donate so they can keep doing this work and we can keep using the space.
So shout out to them, Popcorn Poppy.
[00:54:50] Speaker B: You know who you are.
[00:54:51] Speaker A: But Nick B. Where can they find you?
[00:54:53] Speaker B: So if you're looking to find me, I can be found on all platforms of Dirty Roses podcast. May that be our website, our Facebook, Facebook, our instagram our Tick Tock. And if you want to get me specifically, you can always find me on Instagram at Nick B. Underscore, Nick B. That's Nick with a K. Ms. Lee Laree. Where can we find you?
[00:55:11] Speaker A: You can find me. Lee Laree. L E I G H L A R I E On every single platform. Again, like Nick B said, Dirty Roses podcast on every platform. Dirtyrosespodcast.com Leave us a review. Leave us a voicemail. Give us some feedback. We want to know what you want to hear. Send us a letter. Send us.
[00:55:34] Speaker B: Send us a dick pic.
[00:55:35] Speaker A: Oh, God. Every. Please, someone send her a dick pic because she does not get enough. And I can't share mine because that would be breaking confidentiality.
[00:55:46] Speaker B: I just want to feel included.
[00:55:47] Speaker A: Yeah, I have a good. I have a good catalog.
[00:55:49] Speaker B: I know. I want to be like Lila Ri when I grow up with my catalog.
[00:55:54] Speaker A: We'll catch y'all next time. Bye.
[00:55:58] Speaker B: Guess what, Rose buddies, We are thrilled to introduce our new sponsorship packages. Be sure to hit us
[email protected] to inquire how we can showcase your brand on our platforms.
