[00:00:01] Speaker A: I'm Lila Ree.
[00:00:02] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B.
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Listen, we're just two single girls from the city of Roses discussing all things love, lust, and perception.
[00:00:09] Speaker B: And roses are a symbol of all things beautiful about love.
[00:00:12] Speaker A: But as you know, love can get a little dirty. So we're here to talk about it.
[00:00:16] Speaker B: Dirty Roses podcast starts now.
[00:00:18] Speaker A: Hey, I'm Lila Ree.
[00:00:20] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: And welcome to Dirty Roses Podcast. We are excited again, every episode. We're excited. We're so excited. I think I'm more excited because when we went to that podcast conference in North Carolina, we met a lot of amazing podcasters. And today's guest is yet another one of those amazing podcasters who has a very relatable to at least us.
[00:00:46] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:00:48] Speaker A: Show that I've been enjoying for the past few days as I've been getting to know her expertise and everything that she talks about. But I saw her post this on social media, and I fell in love with it because it was totally in line with how my brain works. She posted a slide deck, and it was like, if you want to book me to talk on your podcast, here's what I talk about. Here's how to hire me, and here's my image and graphic. And it was beautiful. It was great. And so it made it really easy to bring on this amazing, beautiful host of Be Well Sis podcast, Ms. Cassandra Dunbar. Hello. Welcome.
[00:01:26] Speaker C: Welcome.
Such a warm welcome. How y'all doing?
[00:01:31] Speaker B: We are doing good in the rainy Pacific Northwest.
[00:01:35] Speaker C: Okay, I got you.
[00:01:37] Speaker A: Which is a very good segue into what we talked about.
Today's topic is stress and love burnout. But essentially how stress and burnout impact your relationships. And it can be personal, professional, intimate, all those things. Yeah, but you and I were just talking about depression and how that really.
[00:01:57] Speaker B: Impacts us, especially seasonal depression with all this rain over here.
[00:02:01] Speaker A: That part. And so every episode starts with a story. And again, I feel like every episode this season has been my story. So that's okay. We'll go with it.
I was talking to a gentleman, and everything was going great. Everything was amazing. We were having great communication. I felt like we were on par with our. Our needs and our wants.
And he suddenly was having a bout of depression and anxiety. It was really bad.
And I was trying to give him space, but still expecting communication because we were talking and pursuing this relationship. He ultimately decided that he had to take a step back from the relationship and work on mending his mental health at that point, and that he couldn't do that while being in a relationship. He felt like it was unfair to me, which I understood. Still feel away about it because I felt like I was supportive of him taking care of himself. But you have to respect a person's decision to do what's best for them. And that's where we left it. So in that scenario, stress and burnout of his personal life ultimately impacted our intimate relationship.
So leading into that, Nick B. Have you had any experiences with this?
[00:03:21] Speaker B: No, because my relationships are short and they don't have time to get stressed out by me, and I don't have enough time to stress out about them.
[00:03:30] Speaker C: Just saying. Just saying. Sure. Nikki said no, no.
[00:03:35] Speaker A: But, Cassandra, so what are your experiences personally or just in knowing people and in your professional life, how this is a common or uncommon thing?
[00:03:47] Speaker C: I think it's super common. I think usually what happens is people don't realize that they are either burnt out, they're anxious, or they're suffering from a depression, and they just slowly fizzle out of people's lives and they don't realize what's going on. So what will happen is they will just stop communicating or they might be really irritable. So somebody who is really kind and really warm and easy to talk to now is, like really snappy and has an attitude all the time. So usually what happens is when people aren't emotionally aware of themselves, they don't even have the language to identify that's what's happening within them or to then speak to their actual partner. Right. So it just ends up being that, like, you guys end up breaking up on not great terms because you start arguing more and just the littlest things are, you know, cause for disagreements and fights and maybe even worse. Right. So I do see it. But people, again, usually aren't as tuned in with themselves or tapped in to recognize. You know what? Maybe right now is not a good time for me to be trying to pursue a relationship. I need to work on myself. So I think that person is emotionally. They got it together, even though right now they may feel like their world is falling apart.
[00:04:58] Speaker A: Right.
[00:04:58] Speaker B: So it's funny when you say that I actually did think of a short relationship that I was in where it did become very snappy, and I recognized it from him. And I'm now thinking, what could I have said to him to help him recognize that he needed space to himself or whatever it may be, but without ending the relationship and without making him feel like I'm telling him he needs a timeout?
[00:05:28] Speaker C: You know what I think about? I think when we're talking about relationships, whether it's like the beginning stage or you guys have been together for a while, they do require work. I think of them, whether it's actually a romantic or platonic or. Or familial, like, it always. It requires work. It's like, literally, in my mind, it's like a garden. You have to be out there every day, either watering it or pulling out some weeds. You have to be out there. If you leave your garden for like, a week, it's taken over by weeds. Like, the garden is gone to shit. Right.
Sorry. If you guys.
[00:06:00] Speaker B: No, you can say, absolutely.
[00:06:05] Speaker C: So when. When we're talking about somebody being burnt out or depressed and just going through their own, like, internal struggles, they may not have the capacity to show up the way you need them to show up in the relationship or the way that they want to show up.
So in. The question that you asked was how to ask, you know, what questions to ask them, you know, to. To have this conversation. I think the questions would be to ask them, like, what's going on in their life? You know, how is work? Or are they out of work right now? How are their other relationships? Like, is it something within their family? Are they a par.
Try to figure out what is the source that's contributing to all of this stress? Or shoot, is it. Is it me? Like, is. Am I the person that's causing the stress right now in your life? And if I am, then we need to really reassess. So I would just have them just spend some time trying to figure out, like, what's going on. Like, this isn't like, you now. You're really snappy, you're moody, or, you know, I'm reaching out. You're not reaching out back and start the conversation from there.
[00:07:10] Speaker A: That's a good point. I think in my scenario, because we were so communicative about where we at. Mentally, we were supportive of each other. Mentally. I think my feelings were hurt because I was like, yo, I'm supporting you in that space. And I'm not, I don't think. And I don't feel that I was demanding much, but I recognized the parts in that person's life that were adding to stress. And I was trying to support him through that. And I felt like I was the default, you know, person that got deleted, you know, like. And I heard. I hear that, like, you know, if you're not in the space to have the capacity to be in a relationship, that you just can't, you know, be in it. And I get that part. So in what ways maybe could someone support somebody in when they're going through that? Like, what is a good support system.
[00:08:00] Speaker C: Look like, you know, I think that's personal. So I would ask them, you know, how can I support you? Like, what do you need right now? Like, how can I help you? When it comes to, like, traditional, like, heterosexual relationships, the man stereotypically, especially if it's a man of color, they may not.
I feel like they typically want to take care of their partner. Right. And if they feel like they can't take care of themselves right now and they can't take care of you, it also, like, hurts the ego. So it has nothing to do with you whatsoever. And you recognize that. But just, just as like another reminder that this could be another thing that's like piling on, you know what I mean? To, in their mind as to what's, like, what's wrong with their life at the moment. So in terms of supporting them, you have to ask them, like, what do they need right now? Like, do they need listening ears? They need you to help brainstorm. Like, if it's like, maybe a, a work situation, like, you know, let's sit down together, let's talk about what's happening in our work, and maybe let's figure out together how we can move through this.
It depends. So it really depends on the person.
[00:09:08] Speaker A: Gotcha. And what are some early signs of stress and burnout, like when you're identifying it for yourself, but also when you're seeing it in somebody else.
[00:09:18] Speaker C: So when it comes to ourselves, what I realized is that a lot of us, and I'm saying myself too, we don't realize that we are burnt out or we're burning out until, like, we are on fire. Like, the fire means that, like, our mind is just everything is firing off at one time. Just everything is just no good. Like a no good, very bad day. Right. So what typically happens is we'll start off with like, little things, like, you're really irritable, so somebody, again, who is like more or less like laid back, easygoing, now, everything bothers them. You know, like, the slightest little inconvenience is like a big deal. Now that would be one thing. The other thing is they know that they have limited capacity for like, additional projects and different things, but they're going to add on to their plate. And it's like a vicious cycle because we don't have the time, we don't have the capacity. But for whatever reason, we're trying to overcompensate for what we're failing at. And we're going to fail at that thing too. It just compounds it. Right. Another thing will be just how it shows up physically. So are we sleeping? Well, so we might be dog tired, but we go to sleep and we wake up more than I. Or we can't even fall asleep right. Even though we're tired. Some other things might be our eating habits might change. Maybe we'll skip meals altogether or we'll eat and eat and eat and no matter how much we eat, we're just never full. And that also goes into like the sleeping part too. So no matter how much we sleep, we might sleep like way more than usual. We still wake up exhausted. We'll start to also like detach from other people. So people who you are really locked in with, like your, your best girlfriend or even your partner, you're like, you know what, let me just. I'm not going to call them. I'm going to ignore that call and ignore that text. I'm going to break that plan that we had and you'll just start to just isolate yourself. And the other thing. And I'm a stop.
The other thing is going to be just, just escapist activities. So whether that is drinking more than usual or smoking more than usual, or maybe just scrolling on the phone more than usual, just looking for ways to escape your current environment. So those are like the progressive stages. And like the very stage is where you're just like, oh, I don't want to be here no more. And the thing with depression and burnout is anxiety is like they all kind of meld together. So you got to do some real deep exploration to figure out is it burnout which is more or less temporary, or is it a chemical imbalance that's causing anxiety and. Or depression.
[00:11:53] Speaker A: Okay, that's. I'm glad you said that because I was going to ask what the difference is between all of those things. Because we use them. I feel like people use them interchangeably.
[00:12:02] Speaker B: They do. Without giving them their own space to be their own thing.
[00:12:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:07] Speaker B: They want to lump it all in, into one issue when it can be many issues overlapping at once.
[00:12:13] Speaker C: Yup, yup. I think it's because our culture, we are always like, go, go, go. And a lot of us are in this cycle of burnout chronically. So it's like for years and years and it's like we'll get, we'll start to feel like, oh, I'm burnt out. And we'll recognize and we like, you know what, let me take a couple of things off my plate or let me go on a vacation. Let me do this, like a really quick little band aid to try to mend what's essentially a gunshot wound. Like, it needs. Your life needs a whole new overhaul. Which is why, yeah, we do mend them all together where there are kind of different things.
[00:12:50] Speaker B: What's the. What's the best recommendation to mend? If we're not going to put a band aid on it and it takes some serious focus, how in relationships do we mend burnout while staying in the relationship?
[00:13:06] Speaker C: That's tough. That's a tough one. The first one is going to be communication. And if it's me that's experiencing the burnout, I got to be honest, like, I am not doing okay right now. And maybe I might even have the reason. I don't know why I'm not doing good, but I'm not doing good. That's the first step is to communicate if you really want to be in that relationship. Right?
Yeah. Step one is communicate. And it's hard to communicate that especially. And I'm going to say this if you are a man, because I feel like our. Our culture doesn't. We're getting better, but our culture really doesn't give men the space to explore their emotions, their feelings, and then to actually talk about them.
So step one is communication. And then it depends on what's causing the burnout, what's causing the anxiety and depression, then it's going to be a whole another. Another layer of what to do then.
[00:14:06] Speaker A: And how does.
When someone is feeling stressed, burnout, feeling depressed, anxiety, all those things, how does that translate into literal intimacy moments with a partner?
[00:14:20] Speaker C: Oh, my goodness. So, like, I would say even physically, like our mindset, and I would say from a woman's perspective, and I'll be so frank, like, when I have been experiencing burnout or even depression in terms of physical intimacy, I may not be there, you know what I mean? Like, for a lot of times, women like the.
In order to get aroused, like, it's mental. So I might be so attracted to my partner, so in love with my partner. But if I am stressed out or I am really sad, like, the hormones aren't going to do what they need to do to. For me to get intimate. And that could be the same for men as well. So they might experience, like, dysfunction, you know what I mean? Like, they aren't able to get erections and maintain that erection. When we're talking about physical intimacy, and then if we're talking about just like emotional intimacy, it's not going to be there. The way that I think about burnout or any type of mental, like a mental illness that's like right now it's showing up like an acutely, like it's like a problem immediately. It's kind of like the third in this individual that's in your relationship that's not there that you can't physically see, but you can feel their presence. So it gets in the way, you know.
[00:15:34] Speaker A: So is there a way to maintain like a close, intimate connection while, while on the mend, or is it like better to just take a pause?
[00:15:45] Speaker C: So it depends. So are we talking about if I am the person experiencing burnout or are we talking about if my partner is the person experiencing burnout? It will be.
So if it's me, it's really up to me what I want to do. And really my capacity, like, am I saying I really just don't have it in me right now and if I say no, it's no. Right. And if it could be that I'm putting the relationship on pause and then we're going to move forward, like, or I'm going to try to rekindle, reconnect whenever I'm in a better headspace or maybe just. It's just not the relationship right for us right now. I think it's really important to assess too, whenever you're on the opposite end. So if you're not the one experiencing burnout, ask yourself, like, what mean? Well, is this really worth it? You know, like, especially if it's a situation where it may not be like a long term situation quite yet, it's not quite marriage. You guys aren't tied by children.
Like, is it like, you know, like, is it worth it? Like, you have to ask yourself those questions.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: What is a good way to determine relationship burnout vs relationship is over?
Because when I'm listening to you, I think to myself, oh, I saw lots of these things happen in some relationships I had been in. Those relationships ultimately ended today. I have no regrets that they're over. But it also makes me wonder, was that relationship actually over or was it just in need of some, some retail therapy or, you know, whatever those things are that just needed to be worked on because there was relationship burnout versus no, he just wasn't the one.
[00:17:44] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. You know, I, I like having this conversation because I, especially with women, I really just want us to just be okay and put that in quotes with just kissing as many frogs as we need to till we find the one like that we Know that we're locked in with for a long time. The first thing that came to mind when you asked that question is I always say is if there is any type of abuse, period, like, I don't care if you burnt out the press, like, if you are literally on fire, I don't care. I don't. There should be any abuse. Whether it's like physical, verbal, mental. Right? So that is where the relationship is over.
In terms of other things that are not as severe, I would assess, like, is if. And if I'm the person who's feeling burnt out, right? And I'm not sure if it's me or if it's the relationship, I would ask myself, like, outside of this relationship, like, am I irritable? Or is it when I see that they're calling me now, I'm just like, oh, I'm so annoyed. Or when we're supposed to go out, like, typically, I do want to get up and get out with my people, but I don't want to go out with you. You know what I mean? Like, and I'm considering, actually, maybe it's not me, it's just that you're bringing me down or how was my mood generally? And now that I'm around you, I'm just like, oh, I'm like, either irritated or I'm down. Or just being around you is not uplifting. Is the opposite. That's when I would know for sure it's it's not me, it's you, and we don't need to be together anymore.
[00:19:18] Speaker B: Okay, then I have assessed my previous relationships accurately.
I have been accurate.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: So.
So what are some tools and tips and things that people can do when experiencing burnout? Stress, all those things.
[00:19:38] Speaker C: If you have access to, like a licensed therapist, that's always going to be the best. I'm a real big advocate for seeing a therapist. All of us, whether or not we are actively burnt out, actively depressed, anxious or not. I think it's super important because just life is hard and it's. It's helpful to have somebody to help us, you know, have different perspective on things. So if you have access to a therapist, that would be great. If you don't have access, in the meantime, I would really just spend some time, like, asking yourself the hard questions. The hard questions are the questions that are, like, they're simple, but we avoid talking about or writing about. So, like, am I really happy at this point in my life? If not, what is causing it? How did I contribute to it? What are the external factors as well, so really just like, pausing, so taking as much as possible off of your plate, so minimizing all of those things. And then also, my thing is to always look to do something for yourself. So that means not work, not work related, not side hustle related or business related. That means literally something that brings you joy. And sometimes we don't know what brings us joy because we're always working, always hustling. Right. But ask yourself, what did you like to do when you were like, 7 or 8 or 9 or 10? Like, what did young me like to do? And do that thing. It could be so simple.
[00:21:04] Speaker A: Roll around in grass.
[00:21:05] Speaker C: You understand? Yes. Go to the park and roll in grass. Or go to the backyard. Yes.
[00:21:10] Speaker B: She is talking about me because I absolutely love to roll around in grass.
[00:21:18] Speaker C: That's grounding. That's beautiful. Listen, we need nature.
[00:21:21] Speaker B: I'm grounding right now underneath this table. Okay. My shoes are off.
[00:21:28] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:21:29] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. I was. I was telling my previous partner one thing that. Because he expressed that he experienced depression and things like that. So one thing that I had learned while doing therapy was to talk about what depression looks like for you. But talking about it when you're. Well, like, when you're not in a bad moment, because it's hard to communicate when you're experiencing it, because you're just. You're in a different space. But if you're in a good head space and you're like, hey, this is what it looks like when I'm starting to feel down, when I'm starting to feel depressed. Like, I know that I seclude myself. I know that I overwork and do all these things. So communicating that to my partner when I was in a good headspace allowed each of us to kind of identify. Oh, I'm noticing that these things are said that you said that you do. So I can recognize when you're falling into a depression, even if you're not even piecing it together yourself. And so that was helpful for us at least.
[00:22:27] Speaker C: Yeah, for sure. I think that also would be really good advice just for not only, like, your romantic partner, but just like, when you see your friend, like, if your friend is doing some things, like, hold on, friend. Like, this isn't quite like you. Like, let's talk about what's going on. Maybe help them to unpack it. For sure.
[00:22:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Because even then, how does. How does these things impact friendships? Because I know.
[00:22:49] Speaker B: Yeah, we've. We've talked a lot about relationship burnout, but what about friendship burnouts?
[00:22:54] Speaker C: Ooh.
[00:22:55] Speaker B: How do you, how do you make sure you keep your, your gal pals but still recognize you need space from them?
[00:23:03] Speaker C: I think the overlap between like romantic and platonic relationships is like very little for me. I think it's so important that we have like those close friends that, that we know each other like intimately, you know what I mean? So the same way that you would have to put in work with your romantic partner. I think it's the same, same thing with our, our friends. Especially as we are adults and we have lots of things going on and time is short for all of us. It's super important to invest the time in our friends. So like making sure you're checking up on them and seeing them and all of those things. So it's going to be the same situation. So if you feel like you don't feel great after or while being with that friend and it's been going on for a while and you've addressed it and things haven't changed, it's time to reassess that friendship. But I don't think it necessarily means to break up with a friend. But I do think maybe if they were your best friend, maybe now they're just like a close friend or maybe they're like a going out friend or I see you on the birthdays or just getting some distance and maybe readjusting where they fit into our lives.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: Do you think that those readjustments require a conversation or is it more so that you just set different boundaries and just keep it pushing?
[00:24:22] Speaker C: That's what I think. I think the first thing is to address what the situation is. So like if they have said something, slighted you in any way, give them, give them the benefit of the doubt and be like, hey, you said this or you did this a couple times now and it made me feel like this. So you know, how can we address it? Or I'd appreciate it if we do this, this nest going forward. If after that conversation it is the same stuff as if you didn't say nothing at all, then for me I would just make a mental note and then move accordingly. So I'll just enforce new boundaries for that friend. So maybe she used to be at my house all day every day. Now it's like, you know what, girl, I'm a little bit busy, so. But I will see you on the weekend. I'll see you, you know, next month when we're doing X, Y and Z with the whole group. Just make that adjustment. And people will, they'll figure it out.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: They will.
[00:25:11] Speaker A: And do and do Oh, I had a really good question and it left me.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: So do you ever recommend when people are having burnouts that instead of creating space, that they forge ways to spend more time together?
Like, could burnout ever be simply that I need more quality time with you versus more just sleeping next to you, you know?
[00:25:43] Speaker C: Yeah, you know what, that's a really good point. Yes.
So speaking in, like, to my husband. So my, for my husband, my husband knows me well now. We've been married for 13 years and together for like 16 or 17 years. So, like, he knows me. Knows me. Yeah. So he knows when, like, I'm starting to be a little bit irritable and just not quite myself, that like, I need physical touch. So he, like, when we talk about love, language and stuff, it's really important to know what, how your parent, how your partner receives love, how they, you know, they express it as well. So he knows for me, I need to be essentially a baby. Like, just hold me, please. You know, even though I'm literally going to like, leave the room, follow me, like, follow me and hug me, like, hold me. You know what I mean? So, yeah, so it depends on the person. It depends on how well you, you know each other. So I think with time and with like, increased intimacy, you'll understand that person better. And to know when to like, push through and when to actually, you know, let me take a step back and let them come back to me.
[00:26:52] Speaker A: That's a good point.
[00:26:53] Speaker B: And does that actually come only with verbal communication or is that also just verbal or non verbal observation? And I asked that question because we had a conversation with a guy that explained that for men, they're very black and white and if we don't ask for it, they won't give it. And sometimes, sometimes I struggle with that because I'm like, I don't want to have to always tell you how to love me. I want you to know me well enough. I want you to know that we've been together this long and that these are my triggers because you've paid attention to them over the years.
So coming back to communication, do you with your husband now of 13 years still have to tell him any of your needs or does he know you well enough to know that this is what you need when you need it, even if you don't know sometimes?
[00:27:49] Speaker C: So it's 50 50. So I would say sometimes he's going to know what I need. He's going to recognize that I'm either like burning out or slipping into a depression before I even truly Recognize it. So. And then he'll try to step up and. And be helpful, you know, physical touch, all of those things and just help me around the house more. All of those things. Right. But then there's also going to be times where he. I have to speak up and I'm sitting here with an attitude because I'm just like, well, why don't. You know, I'm just like, hold on, girl. She. He can't read your mind, you know, so I have to give him some grace too. Yeah. And especially since, you know, as people were constantly evolving and maybe what, what have. What could have worked or would have worked like five years ago now doesn't work anymore. So. And I need to recognize that because things are different. I'm a little bit different. I gotta let him know that, hey, that used to be cool, but it's not anymore. I need this now. So I gotta speak up. And I hate speaking up, but yeah.
[00:28:49] Speaker A: And for. For the parents out there, like, I know me specifically, I struggle with. I have to be very cognizant of it, but I do struggle with making sure that my kids aren't feeling the. The issues that I'm presenting when I'm stressed or burned out.
[00:29:05] Speaker C: That's the hard part. And honestly, that has been what has been so. That has made me so, like, serious about like, my own healing and being in therapy and all of those things against know myself really well is because I don't want. Because I'm so stressed out and I'm so burnt out that I'm giving my kids, like, the worst version of myself, you know, because I'm short, I'm snappy, I, you know, have no patience or tolerance for, like, literal kid stuff. Right.
So. And what I've noticed too, in being a parent now is the kids really do not listen to most of what I say, but they absolutely are modeling what I do. So in order for me to be a good example, I need to be show up as my. My best full self. Even if that includes, like, you know what, Mommy's having a bad day right now. I can't do this X, Y and Z with you today, but I got you tomorrow. I need a rest. Like, that's important to. To tell them too. It's not always rosy the same way that they have their feelings. I have my feelings too. And I need a second right now. Let me take a beat and.
[00:30:10] Speaker A: Yeah, that's beautiful. I know for Nick B. And I, we're both career women. We also have day jobs outside of podcasting. And our jobs can be very taxing. Right? So us being hyper focused on making sure we can pay our bills and survive and all those things, those things don't stop because we're stressed out. They don't stop because we're feeling depressed. How do you manage survival mode with also mending yourself?
[00:30:42] Speaker C: I think it's so important to take those mental health days, like factor those bad boys in, factor in some time off for yourself and be able to manage. Like, I think most of us like our jobs. Like there are busier times than not. So whenever it's a downtime, do not volunteer for a new project. Like if you know in a month or two, you guys are going to ramp back up the way you normally do. Though when it's quiet, just let it be quiet. Unless it's like really, really worth it. Maybe you'll get more visibility for promotion. Okay. But don't be the type. I know especially as women of color, we're always trying to do like 200% better than the next and trying to do more and more and more don't. Because at the end of the day it's so cliche. Like we can drop dead and those corporations will still be fine like without us.
Right?
So I say whenever you have like a little bit of a lull in the day, in the season of work that you're in, embrace it. And also, again, schedule in your own time. A lot of things, a lot of times we don't take our all of our pto, we have leftovers at the end of the year. Take all that pto. Especially if you're at a company that doesn't allow you to like cash it out. Take a PTO is super important. And if you're not feeling well, don't go to work sick. Don't do it.
[00:32:04] Speaker B: If you could give us your top five self care tips or tricks that you use, what would they be for your average stressful day?
[00:32:18] Speaker C: Oh. So my friends and I have been doing like a meditation challenge. So we've challenged ourselves to meditate every day. She's doing like 30 minutes a day. I can't do 30. I could only do like five to 10. But it's been really helpful just to stop myself and just pause.
So meditation has been helpful for me. And then going on walks, if the day is a nice day, it's sunny, it's not too hot, I'm gonna go for a quick little walk. Being in nature is just like medicine, you know?
And then the other one I would say, because my kids are still kind of small. So my little one is. He's five and he's still, like, clingy and all in my space. So the only place I could really escape from my kids is the showers. So I take an extra long shower with some smell goods so that getting like the. The senses, like, activated. So those are going to be like, just like the top things.
And then also, this is not sexy. It's not fun. But getting to sleep on time. I haven't been good this week, but yes. Yeah. What I'll do is I'll be dead tired and I'll be in bed scrolling on my phone and it's just like, for what? My husband's like you being nosy again? Just like, yeah, I am being this. I'm. For what? So I've been trying to get more slee. Um, and that just sets me up the next day to be much better than today was. So those will be my, like, tips. They don't cost a thing. And I. Yeah, I think we all can access those things.
[00:33:46] Speaker A: I love that you mentioned smell goods and all those. And taking the best. I know that I have a tub with jets. Right. I will be quick to turn the lights off, turn some music on, turn my jets on. I'll put extra bubble bath. Sometimes it boils over onto the floor. I don't even care. But I'd definitely be lighting candles.
And as you can see, we got a couple candles on the table here from our dear friend from Scent to Be Candles. She's got some amazing candles. If you go to scenttobecandles.com she has candles, wax melts. She's working on carpet fresheners, air sprays, incense, incense diffusers, car scents. It's amazing. These smell good without even being lit. So I highly recommend these. I like them when I'm taking my long, overly bubbly bubble baths.
[00:34:34] Speaker B: And I just purchased an almond cherry scent. Oh, to die for.
[00:34:38] Speaker A: I love it. I just one more question before we tap out Medication. When do you recommend introducing medication or even the consideration of it?
[00:34:50] Speaker C: Mm. I would say if you've tried all the things, what are all the things? So making sure you're eating like, whole foods, making sure that you are taking a rest, making sure that you're trying to do something that you love for yourself every single day and you've tried to kind of overhaul your life and you're still not in a good space and you're having thoughts that scare you.
Absolutely. Call your medical provider and it's definitely helpful to. To try a Bout of antidepressant or anti anxiety medication if that's what you need. I in 2020. So I think it was like the summer going into the fall of 2020. So like we had been in the thick of COVID and just like the all the life changes and I was stressed and I told my my doctor, I'm just like I'm not doing okay. She's like, all right, let me get you a script and let's give it a try. Because I was not sleeping at all. Like I was so tired but I just could not turn my brain off. And she's like, all right, let's get you together. And I took those for a little bit to get me over the hump and I continue to do like my my own practices to stay grounded and to stay, you know, tapped into myself and yeah, it's helpful. I the medicine is there. Use it, you know.
[00:36:06] Speaker A: Yeah. I love how you said to use the medication in conjunction with your self care routine and continuing that. A lot of folks feel like the medication is like a quick fix and they don't still continue to do the work. So I love that we're emphasizing you still got to do the work and so we're going to continue to do the work. But how can people reach you if they are interested in speaking with you, getting some advice, hearing you, hiring you, whatever it is that you ask, all the things?
[00:36:35] Speaker C: Yes, please hire me.
So my podcast is called Be Wellsis. It's a wellness podcast where we focus on health and wellness in all the ways. So holistically it's primarily for women of color because we traditionally are left out of the conversation. So tune in. Our episodes are every Wednesday.
Let's see what else. I'm on Instagram, so Be well Sis Underscore podcast on Instagram.
Just started YouTube a few months ago, so we're growing there at Be well Sis.
Yeah, so reach out. I answer my DMs and I would love to chat and all of those things. I appreciate y'all.
[00:37:14] Speaker A: I love this. Thank you so much for joining us. Nick B.
[00:37:18] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:37:18] Speaker A: Where can people find you?
[00:37:20] Speaker B: I can be found on all platforms of Dirty Roses podcasts. May that be at our website, www.dirtyrosespodcast.com or if you're following us on social, may that be Instagram, Facebook or TikTok.
You can also get me directly at my Instagram, which is nickbnickb. That's Nick with a K and Ms. Lee Laree. Where can we find you?
[00:37:45] Speaker A: Well, first you can find me here in this amazing space, which is provided to us by the Poetic Justice Foundation. They're doing amazing work in breaking these generational curses of not having wealth. And what I've learned is a lot of our depression anxiety stress is heightened when our finances are not in order because that's an added level of stress. So they do a lot of education, outreach, they do trainings, and just taking things into action to teach people about how to invest, how to get properties, how to make your money, make money, and then investing in the black community. So if you want to learn more about their mission, check them out@the poeticjusticefoundation.org you can read their mission, read about what they're doing, read their board minutes, donate all those things, because when you do that, we get spaces like this to do our podcast.
But if you want to reach me, like Nick B said on all the Dirty roses podcast platforms, DirtyRosesPodcast.
But me personally, Lilaree L E I G H L A R I E on all platforms. But feel free to listen, leave us a review, leave us a voicemail. We got little memos. Ask for advice, get feedback, and we'll catch y'all next time.
[00:39:01] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:39:02] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:39:04] Speaker B: Guess what, rose buddies, we are thrilled to introduce our new sponsorship packages. Be sure to hit us up
[email protected] to inquire how we can showcase your brand on our platforms.
