I'm a Survivor w/ Yolanda Merriweather & Kenyatta Trice

[00:00:01] Speaker A: I'm Leela Ree. [00:00:02] Speaker B: And I'm Nick B. [00:00:03] Speaker A: Listen, we're just two single girls from the city of Roses discussing all things love, lust, and perception. [00:00:09] Speaker B: And roses are a symbol of all things beautiful about love. [00:00:12] Speaker A: But as you know, love can get a little dirty. So we're here to talk about it. [00:00:16] Speaker B: Dirty Roses podcast starts now. [00:00:19] Speaker C: Before we begin this episode, we want to issue a trigger warning. Today we'll be discussing domestic violence, a sensitive and potentially distressing topic. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please know that help is available. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1807 nine safe or text the word start to 88788. Or if you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services. Our intention in discussing this topic is to raise awareness, provide support, and encourage conversations about prevention and intervention. Listener discretion is advised. [00:01:05] Speaker A: Hey, I'm Lee Larie. [00:01:06] Speaker D: And I'm Nick B. [00:01:07] Speaker A: And welcome to Dirty Roses podcast. Well, today we are getting serious, and we've got some amazing, beautiful ladies in the studio with us that kind of hopped in our dms on a professional tip, you know what I'm saying? But they're the way we like. [00:01:22] Speaker E: Right? [00:01:22] Speaker A: The way we like. You hop in my dms all the time when it's like this. [00:01:26] Speaker D: I love this. [00:01:27] Speaker A: They're doing an event and they wanted to promote it on the show. And I said, why don't you all come and tell your stories? Because they're really deep, they're really important. And this is a good topic. I mean, it's something that everybody has either witnessed, experienced, or they know somebody that knows somebody at the minimum. [00:01:41] Speaker E: Right. [00:01:41] Speaker D: It's the dirty part of the road. [00:01:42] Speaker E: It is. [00:01:43] Speaker A: And not the good kind of dirty. No, we talked about those in other episodes. Yes, we did. But today we are joined by Ms. Yolanda Merriweather and Ms. Kenyatta Trice. And they are, well, Yolanda and her co founder, who is not here today, unfortunately. But we're going to share a little bit about her. But they're put on an event called let me see, survivors of domestic violence. And it's going to be this amazing event that they're going to be hosting for survivors, a nice brunch, and they're going to talk about it a little bit later. But Ms. Yolanda, you are the co founder or founder of. Founder of the Inner Beauty in you, and it's a nonprofit, correct? [00:02:22] Speaker F: Yes, ma'am. [00:02:22] Speaker A: I love this. So tell us a little bit about yourself and about your nonprofit. [00:02:27] Speaker E: Okay. [00:02:27] Speaker F: Well, my name is Yolanda Merryweather. I was born in Portland, Oregon. I did live in Las Vegas for twelve years in Georgia, close to five. I ended up coming back here in 2010. Inner beauty. And you had been in my heart since? Maybe I was probably about a 17 year old young woman. [00:02:47] Speaker A: Okay. [00:02:47] Speaker F: And the reason why it came about is that in my family structure, my father's side of the family was Creole, and my mother's side of the family were black, and I was dark like my mother, and all the rest of the side of the family were light skinned. [00:03:04] Speaker D: Got you. [00:03:04] Speaker E: Okay. [00:03:05] Speaker F: So I was in a colorist environment, and so I would find myself often hurt and feeling less than. And one day my grandmother said, beauty is not on the outside, it's on the inside. And that no matter what you do, if you don't treat people the way you're supposed to treat them, you can be beautiful on the outside. [00:03:28] Speaker E: Right. [00:03:29] Speaker F: And it's not going to matter. That was the first part. The second part that came in with the inner beauty, and you had been in my heart for over 20 years. [00:03:39] Speaker E: Okay. [00:03:40] Speaker F: Was the fact that many years ago, I felt that women, we were disposable. We came a dime a dozen. We were always the one loving and giving. Even some beautiful women were being misused and stuff. And I was like, you know what? And then I remember being younger. I had my son when I was 17, and I thought, what if there was somebody there to tell me that I didn't have to be out there like that, right? I could go to college. I needed to finish school. I needed to do this, someone to invest into me. And I said, I want to start this as a mentorship program for young women. But then I was like, okay, they start young, and when they're, like, nine and ten, they're looking at the teenage girls. But then the teenage girls can often not all turn into the young women that are at home with the children, not working, living on the system. So I said, this is for the empowerment of all women. [00:04:53] Speaker A: I love it. [00:04:54] Speaker F: What hit me deeply was the fact that doing this, starting off doing this, I was running into a lot of women that were coming out of domestic violence. [00:05:07] Speaker A: Okay, okay. [00:05:08] Speaker F: Broken women, like, didn't want to work, didn't want to eat. They were a shell of themselves. And me and Kalandra Porter writes. She's the founder director of Porterhouse Resources, which is all about home ownership, credit repair, getting your GED, going to school. She's the education guru. [00:05:38] Speaker E: I love it. [00:05:38] Speaker F: And so she was like, I was starting my nonprofit, and I wasn't 501 yet. And I was going to all the nonprofits and asking them, will you sponsor me? Will you fiscally sponsor me? And they wouldn't. They wouldn't help me. They closed me out. And so Calandra said, I believe your heart and I believe in what you're doing. I'm going to sponsor you. So she would let me apply for stuff under her sponsorship. [00:06:04] Speaker E: Oh, wow. [00:06:05] Speaker F: To get things going. And so we began to get things going, and then my 501 came through. And then we said, oh, girl, we don't care if your 501 C three came through partnering. We were trying to get with other women and nonprofits to do a coat. There's power in numbers. The Bible says that when two are together, one can help the other one that they saw. Right? So she was said, I said, you know what, girl? Guess what? I think that we should take our nonprofit and be partners. I love it. And so she still has her own nonprofit, I still have mine. But with her education side, my mentorship side, we feel like the two of us together can put that together. So that's kind of how inner beauty and you came about. [00:06:55] Speaker A: I love it. [00:06:56] Speaker F: It still does. With mentorship, we did adopt families for Christmas. We have on staff a trauma informed social worker with her master's degree. For women, women who are Sex trafficked, there is someone on our group that can help them. It's no longer just about mentoring. It's about the empowerment of women. [00:07:19] Speaker A: Because you can mentor people, but if you haven't helped them fix or not even fix, but just help them heal from what they're going through, that mentorship doesn't mean loved. I love that story. We're going to get back to what we're here for, but I want to introduce Ms. Kenyatta trice with Trice OCs. Ma'am, tell us about yourself and your. [00:07:40] Speaker E: Money. [00:07:40] Speaker A: Hold on. [00:07:41] Speaker F: It's about the Kenyatta trice. [00:07:46] Speaker D: Born, raised Portland, Oregon, grew up in northeast Portland, graduated from Jefferson High School. Generals. [00:07:56] Speaker A: We still beef over high schools at our fine wine age. [00:07:59] Speaker B: Jeff Grant Benson right here. [00:08:01] Speaker F: It's going to go forever. [00:08:02] Speaker A: And then Vancouver. [00:08:08] Speaker D: So a year after graduation, we have that idea of what do you want to be when you grow up? What does it look like? I didn't know. I was like, I'll just be in somewhere administration. I'll be an executive admin making some money. That'll be fine. I like to help out and help out with producing and get things through a process. So a year after graduation, I met a man and he was beautiful and all the things but he was also abusive. So that was part of my growing up, was being a part of this domestic violence relationship got you leaving that relationship or during that relationship? Only working warehouse. I'm on top of roofs, replacing shingles. I'm tearing down walls, I'm putting tile in on floor. [00:08:56] Speaker B: Major labor. [00:08:57] Speaker D: Major labor, right? From admin, being behind the desk, answering the phone. So getting back into. Once I left that relationship, getting back into the job market was hard, because now it's like, how can I sell myself on paper as a black woman? When it happened, I had scars and marks. So, like, how can I be the face of a company? Oh, wow. Where most of the companies are primarily white, that pay a good amount of money. So I struggled hard, ended up at a staffing agency where I was like, I'll just do temporary jobs until I can get there. Creating that plan to work in warehouse, somewhere in the back office, doing order entry, somewhere that can get me closer to working in an office. Still didn't know what I want to be. Just know I need to work at this point, right. So just going through that process at the staffing agency, going to different jobs, they offered me a position. So now I'm working there as a staffing assistant, helping people attain employment. [00:09:56] Speaker E: Right. [00:09:56] Speaker D: It was the first black owned staffing agency. In. [00:10:03] Speaker F: A moment, a lot of people went to there. That's a staple. [00:10:06] Speaker E: It is. [00:10:07] Speaker D: So working there, right here in Alberta. [00:10:08] Speaker A: Right. [00:10:09] Speaker D: It's not going. No, I know. They used to be like, on 10th in Alberta. [00:10:13] Speaker E: Okay. [00:10:14] Speaker D: So I worked there, helping people with barriers get to employment. So that's where I kind of started understanding what barriers were, even though I was going through. Didn't really realize it, but learning how to help other folks attain the job that they want based on what the paper looks like. So I left that position to work at Bradley Engel, which is the domestic volunteer resource center, as the economic empowerment coordinator, working with survivors and helping them attain their financial stability again. So in doing that, I still help people with their resumes. I'm like, they're like, can you do my resume? I'm like, yeah, I'll do it real quick. And then I was like, well, let me charge a little $25. [00:10:57] Speaker F: I'm helping you make this money. We're going to make a little change. Right? [00:11:01] Speaker D: So I started charging, and then during that time, that financial abuse part really was there with me, and I was struggling, but I was making this little money on the side, being able to pay bills, provide food for the house, things of nature. Then it dawned on me through the position at Bradley Angle when I went to go audit a class about business, because that is one of the options that domestic violence survivors may have to go through is owning their own business. I learned that I have a. [00:11:32] Speaker E: Oh. [00:11:33] Speaker D: I do track, because I was keeping track of who I had and how much money, and I was like, get out of here. And then one day, I'm paying my bills, and I'm always behind on bills, and I'm paying. I'm like, why do I got extra money? I thought I forgot a bill. [00:11:48] Speaker F: I was nervous. [00:11:49] Speaker D: It scared me. I was like, I forgot to pay a bill. Everything depended on me making money every month so I can pay my rent, electricity, so I'm like, lord, I cannot forget a bill. So I'm, like, scrambling, trying to figure it out, and then they click, like, oh, my other money paid for that money. [00:12:05] Speaker F: Came into the whole business. Yeah. [00:12:07] Speaker D: So then that's when I started incorporating the things that I learned from auditing in the class to incorporate for my own business. So that bought about trice. Occupational consulting solutions. [00:12:17] Speaker A: There we go. [00:12:19] Speaker D: So some people call me the resume lady. I've helped a lot of folks just rebuild themselves on paper, understanding what the employer looks at, understanding what is needed for the person to attain a job is definitely helpful. And even just for myself in that position where I'm looking for work, having warehouse, how can I get some warehouse admin? [00:12:39] Speaker A: Because you've got the full gambit of experience at this point. [00:12:42] Speaker F: People that need your services today, right. [00:12:48] Speaker D: Then that kind of turned into me doing business development, because people are like, well, look at my business plan and tell me what you think. And I'm like, I don't do those. I do resume. [00:12:57] Speaker F: Right? [00:12:58] Speaker D: And then I was like, well, let me look. So I looked, and I'm like, oh, it's essentially the same. [00:13:02] Speaker A: You don't know what you know until you start doing. You're like, wait a minute. I do have this experience. [00:13:07] Speaker D: So then built on that and so on and so on. So in my business, I do business consulting and employment consulting, and then also, I am the director of the Oregon Minority Business Development agency. [00:13:18] Speaker F: Yes, ma'am. [00:13:19] Speaker D: Yes, ma'am. We work with minority businesses in Oregon to get them to the next level in earning revenue. [00:13:26] Speaker A: I love it. Okay, and so you tapped into a little bit about that. You have some experience with domestic violence, and I know that you, yolanda, as well. And then also Ms. Calandra does, and she's not here to share a story, but this is kind of how you guys are collaborating right now, because she is going to be the keynote speaker at this event that I mentioned earlier on. So we would love to know about the event and who's coming, who's allowed to come. How can they get there? What does this look like? [00:13:53] Speaker F: Absolutely. Me and Calandra. She actually resides in California, and she owns a home in California and also Lake Oswego. She got that right. She owns a logistics company, and she actually drives 18 wheelers. [00:14:16] Speaker D: Oh, nice. [00:14:17] Speaker F: So when I said that nobody would take me under their wing, she did. So she was like, yolanda, this is a donation to your nonprofit, $300. I want you to buy as many turkeys as you can. [00:14:34] Speaker E: Okay. [00:14:35] Speaker F: And give it out. So, she's just been my mentor. So what ended up happening? We were talking about doing something for mother's Day. [00:14:43] Speaker E: Okay. [00:14:43] Speaker F: But in the meanwhile, we were running into these broken women, and she said, how about we do a dinner or an event to love on these women and make them feel good. Like, get them gala dresses, have their makeup done, hair. Let's treat them like queens. And so we were looking at different places, and she's from Los Angeles, and people from Los Angeles, they're kind of a little different from us because they're more like, they have stuff. [00:15:19] Speaker A: They're like, we're going to be at the community center here in Portland, and we're going to charge $50. [00:15:24] Speaker F: She was like, no, I want to celebrate them on the water. I want them on the water. [00:15:31] Speaker E: Okay. [00:15:31] Speaker F: The Willamete. [00:15:33] Speaker B: Are we going to be at your house? [00:15:37] Speaker F: She called me and she said, yolanda, I got secured. May 4. I think that's the weekend before mother's day. [00:15:46] Speaker E: Okay. [00:15:47] Speaker F: For salties on the Columbia. Love that restaurant. [00:15:51] Speaker E: Right? [00:15:51] Speaker F: We are going to pay and sponsor ten women from domestic violence shelters or anybody. Right now, we only have two, but if you have anybody you want to refer over for their story, we're going to bring them in. They're going to be dressed to the nine. They're going to have a full course, meal, appetizers, beverages. Okay. But then we have probably, like, the room fits about 35 until we had the other seats to fill. [00:16:28] Speaker E: Okay. [00:16:28] Speaker F: But then we were like, okay, but we could also fill the other room, too. And until we said, we're going to do it because we want these women to know that they're loved. And what I was always taught from a child, that love covers a multitude of sin, right? Love covers things. And it'll bring people back from mental illness, it'll bring people back from drug addiction, so we said, we're going to do that. And so we were facing a lot of opposition. Like, why would you pick the most expensive place you can treat? [00:17:02] Speaker A: Because they don't deserve to have nice. [00:17:06] Speaker F: You can feed them a good meal. No, somebody said, let's do it at IHOP. And I was like, wait a minute. [00:17:15] Speaker B: Everybody likes pancakes, though. [00:17:16] Speaker A: Some pond cakes. Have some. Okay, so we're going to add that to the list of places that we are not going to tag women. [00:17:23] Speaker F: There's a list that is very disrespectful that I was going to honor. [00:17:27] Speaker A: No disrespect to IHOP. [00:17:29] Speaker D: It's just not. [00:17:31] Speaker A: And if they want to sponsor something, please holler at these ladies, because we. [00:17:35] Speaker F: Could do an event, right? [00:17:36] Speaker A: Just not this event. [00:17:38] Speaker F: Sure. So we wanted them to be in it. We want them to be treated like movie stars. You know, how there's a red carpet and all that? They deserve it. And so we went. We paid. Gosh, they're expensive. But we went half on the initial cost of it, which, I don't know if I'm supposed to say this or. [00:18:01] Speaker A: Not, but it was, don't burn no bridges. Don't burn no bridges, girl. [00:18:05] Speaker E: Okay? [00:18:05] Speaker F: It was a lot. [00:18:07] Speaker A: Just know you're going to be treated well when you go there. [00:18:10] Speaker F: It was a lot. And then we said, we're going to take the other tickets and we're going to sell them so people can come and support them. [00:18:21] Speaker E: Okay? [00:18:22] Speaker F: And the second part of that is, any proceeds from people donating, we were going to donate to a domestic violence home. And then we were going to take the difference and apply it to the mentorship program at inner beauty. [00:18:38] Speaker D: And you. [00:18:38] Speaker E: I love it. [00:18:39] Speaker F: So I had put an ad in. I said, you know, I need women that have walked through this and whatever, and a young woman inboxed me, and she said, you need to speak with Kenyatta, Trey. And so I inboxed her, and I had inboxed her about a lot of stuff in the past that didn't come to pass. So I was nervous about inboxing her because I didn't want her to think, oh, God, here she goes with a new idea. And I said, kenyatta, we want you to be the keynote speaker because everybody that mentions your name, she's respected in the town. She is a woman of integrity. She's a woman of honesty. She got a heart. She's a businesswoman. She's a boss. She's a boss. [00:19:33] Speaker A: We're going to add hype woman to. [00:19:35] Speaker F: Your job description. [00:19:40] Speaker E: Right? [00:19:40] Speaker F: There. I simply said to her what it was about and she said, yeah, I'll do it. [00:19:45] Speaker D: I love it. [00:19:46] Speaker F: And then I said, I will say. She said, speaker, speaker. [00:19:51] Speaker E: It is a keynote. [00:19:53] Speaker D: I learned about the keynote after. [00:19:58] Speaker F: The reason why she's turned into the keynote is because the accolades about who she was was so great. [00:20:08] Speaker D: Wait, one more. So when she started posting some of the pictures, I'm like, why am I the only one picture? I thought she said there was other people. And then that's when I learned I was a keynote. [00:20:18] Speaker A: You're a featured speaker. [00:20:20] Speaker F: So we have a few more people that were going to do it. There were some people, and I was going to tell the truth, I'm put it out there. There were some people who were actually jealous of the fact that we wanted to spend money on women and one of them was going to be a speaker. And we did a Christmas program and one of the other girls was like, well, my kids need toys, too. Why are you joining a nonprofit if you're not willing to give to others? And so I told her, sign up for our Christmas list and I'll get you in. So they were in this group causing sewing discord and doing things. So they had to go. [00:21:06] Speaker A: Okay, understood. [00:21:08] Speaker F: It's going to probably be told in Portland anyway, so you might as well hear it from the mouth anyway. They would be a negative. [00:21:17] Speaker A: You heard it here first. [00:21:20] Speaker F: Organization, we operate in love, we operate in uplifting women. So Calandra is another woman who had experienced extreme domestic violence. One of the young ladies who was being slanderous and disrespectful to the organization, she was removed from being a speaker because we don't want poison. [00:21:45] Speaker E: Right. [00:21:46] Speaker A: It's a healing space. [00:21:50] Speaker F: She was removed. Okay, we have another young, not a young lady. I'm tripping up. I'm not young. A woman of substance, a woman of wisdom. Her name is Willita Ross. [00:22:10] Speaker E: Okay. [00:22:11] Speaker F: She's going to also be a speaker, but they're going to come through and they're going to give 1015 minutes of what they have to throughout the day. [00:22:19] Speaker E: Okay. [00:22:19] Speaker F: But I really wanted Kenyatta to have the space to feed into these women because of her spirit and what she does in the community. [00:22:33] Speaker E: Right? Absolutely. [00:22:34] Speaker A: So I know, know. We're talking about domestic violence. We're talking about all three of you. All that you are putting this event together or being the keynote on, have all had some sort of experience with domestic violence. And I don't know how much you guys care to share about your story, but I feel like it's important to kind of tell it all to tell. We only got an hour, so I would love to hear a little bit. [00:22:55] Speaker B: About your story, since you're being honored as the keynote speaker. What's a little bit of your story. [00:23:02] Speaker D: If you don't mind? It's a lot of. Bit of the story, but, I mean, with mine, like I said, I met a man who was different. He was older, he was fine. He had his own business. He was ambitious. Like all these things that you want to check off of a list, right? He was all these things in my growing up, we were in a strict household to the most part. Like, if we go to school, after school, we go home before we go to your friend's house, and before I go to my friend's house, I need to let my mom know when. Where. How you get home? When you come home. [00:23:41] Speaker E: Right. [00:23:41] Speaker D: And then also be home before the lights. [00:23:43] Speaker A: Of course. [00:23:46] Speaker D: I was in that type of a home, mom and dad there, so we just kind of followed those rules. And I think now, in hindsight, looking back, I think because I was already set up that way to kind of follow those instructions that I was born with, it was easy for this person to be controlling with me. [00:24:05] Speaker E: Got you. [00:24:05] Speaker B: Because you do not follow lead. [00:24:07] Speaker D: Because I follow instructions. And that was a comfortable space. Yeah. Beautiful, man. I don't mind telling you where I'm going, because if something happens to me now, you know where I am. [00:24:16] Speaker E: Right. [00:24:17] Speaker D: But that can be twisted in another light if it's depending on who has the information. So I think it was just a lot easier. I was a lot passive. I was more passive then. So meeting him, being with him, the first six months were great. I didn't have to worry about anything. In the midst of that, I lost my job. He was super supportive, like, all the things that you would want in a relationship. I got the support, I got the communication. I got the fun, the laughter. We went out, had fun, and it started every three to six months, something new that was like. But I didn't know what it was, right. I looked at it in a different light. So we go out, and he doesn't want me talking to this guy or this guy, and I'm like, oh, he cares. [00:25:07] Speaker B: Perceived. [00:25:08] Speaker F: Yeah, he cares about me. [00:25:09] Speaker B: You think it's love, but it's right. [00:25:13] Speaker D: And then just gradually, it literally went in stages. As I think back, first six months, great. The next six months, arguing, mistrust. The next six months. Where are you going? Who are you going with? I don't want you there. And then after that, it was just kind of like, okay, now you're yelling, now you're disrespectful. Now you're pushing, then you're hitting. Now you're getting even more creative. So I experienced a lot of the physical to the point of tying my hands behind my back and beating me. That physical, physical to the point of it really killed me because I felt like a slave would feel. I'm getting my back beat, and then he's making me a bath of peroxide and alcohol, and I have to get in there. It just got to a point where I was too scared to leave during the course of that relationship, being pulled over by the police, having checks at the home. For whatever reason, the police did not touch him. [00:26:15] Speaker E: Wow. [00:26:15] Speaker D: So that made me lose confidence in. [00:26:19] Speaker A: Like, you didn't feel like you. [00:26:20] Speaker D: I can't even get. [00:26:20] Speaker A: No one's going to help you. [00:26:22] Speaker D: And I thought that for myself, maybe someone would have, if I would have reached out in a different manner. But just in seeing that, I was like, I won't get on the people. [00:26:30] Speaker A: That are paid to protect. [00:26:31] Speaker B: But the thing also with the police is like, they don't want to be bothered. Not only do they not want to be bothered, but someone has to be, like, within losing their life before they want to take action. So they're not about preventative care, they're about fixing something after it's happened. [00:26:47] Speaker A: And that's reactive. [00:26:48] Speaker B: The reactive versus proactive. [00:26:49] Speaker D: The only good thing with the police is because the area we lived in, they came, right? They came quick. So I was like, yeah, they're going to come. [00:26:58] Speaker A: Temporary relief, right? [00:26:58] Speaker D: But he just had a way. He was a manipulator, a king of manipulation. So he had a way to verbalize whatever. And then still me, I'm scared. So when they ask me, ma'am, are you okay? Is everything okay? [00:27:12] Speaker A: Because at some point they're going to leave. And you still got to deal with. [00:27:13] Speaker F: The aftermath, which is sometimes worse, because. [00:27:17] Speaker D: Now people in my business, now you put me on paper, now you got get pulled over. He literally is getting smart with the police officer. And I'm just like, oh, he's going to get it. I'm like, yes, keep going. [00:27:34] Speaker F: And they don't do anything. So I'm like, what? [00:27:38] Speaker D: So I felt like I, and then, too, with family, they were there to support, but they can only do so much when I keep going back, right? People were like, why aren't you mad at your mom and your dad and your brother for not helping I'm like, I can't be because when I called out for help, I went back, and I went back a bunch of times, and that's just a part of that movie cycle. And. [00:28:10] Speaker A: Okay, I got questions, but we got to get. Okay, so tell us a little bit about your story, Ms. Yolanda. [00:28:17] Speaker F: What hurts my heart? I went to therapy. I still go to. [00:28:24] Speaker E: Oh, okay. [00:28:25] Speaker F: When I was younger, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and physical abuse was normal. I didn't know that what was happening to me was wrong. [00:28:41] Speaker E: Right. [00:28:42] Speaker F: So growing up, what ended up happening is I got in. Okay, let's just be real. I'm going to be real because I think that's this time for that. Absolutely. When I was a younger girl, I was a cute girl. Lots of guys liked me, and they liked to talk to me. [00:29:05] Speaker A: And still cute now. [00:29:13] Speaker F: But I was the type of woman that would easily fall in love. [00:29:16] Speaker E: Okay. [00:29:17] Speaker F: And so what ended up happening is I met a guy. And so when I wrote the story, too, I kind of had it backwards. I had the first abuse first, but it was really second. [00:29:29] Speaker E: Got you. [00:29:30] Speaker F: So I had got involved with a guy, and he was living at my house, and I had my son, and I just got tired of him being there because he took me to work. He took me to my second job. He controlled me. And so I asked him to leave my house. [00:29:44] Speaker E: Okay. [00:29:45] Speaker F: So he went into my closet and pulled a gun out and held it to my head. [00:29:50] Speaker A: Was that the first sign of abuse? [00:29:53] Speaker F: Because I said, I grew up with abuse. I didn't know the signs. That was bad shouldn't happen. I just thought, this is what happens, okay? And so I was finally able to get him out of there by calling the police. But he moved his brother into my apartment complex. He stalked me outside of my house. He stalked me at my job. I would drive places. He would show up. And so one day, he had met me at a car wash, and I was there. Back in the day, we used to call it, when we would talk with each other, politicking. And so I was out at the car wash politicking with some of my friends, and they was looking behind me like, there's somebody who want to talk to you. And I turned, and he was standing there going. I was like, oh, lord. So he's like, just get in the car. I just want to talk to you for a minute. And I was like, don't get in a car. But then the other side of me was like, maybe he'll calm down. As soon as I got in the car, he start tick off probably about 100 miles an hour. And now this is up and down Mlk Union Avenue. You know how small those streets are. And he was like, yeah, you don't want to be with me no more. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. And before that happened, he would get mad at me and he would hit me and knock me out, choke me out. I was a woman that I really respected myself and loved myself. But then I thought about, like, girl, you don't really love yourself. After I got older, right? That wasn't love. It came from childhood. That was normal. [00:31:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:43] Speaker F: And so he took me to the back of his grandmother's house and poured a big gulp on my head. So back in the 90s, girls went to the salon every week to get their hair done, right? And I had my hair, like, finger waved up, whatever. And so he had rock crawlers in a cage. He let them out and they were surrounding me. He said, I'm going to let my rock rollers tear you up. And next thing I know, he's hitting me, and I'm thinking, I'm going to die. His grandma came out and said, let that girl go and leave her alone. He was like, but she hurt me, grandma. But she didn't want me no more. And she looked at me and she took me by my shoulder and she said, you stay away from him. [00:32:32] Speaker E: Wow. [00:32:33] Speaker F: And so for about three or four years after that, he was still stalking me. So he stalked me to the point I had gotten a new relationship with a man. This man went to my son's father's house and told him my baby was his. [00:32:51] Speaker E: Wow. [00:32:53] Speaker F: He was nonstop stalking me. And then when the police. I had a restraining order. Whenever it was time for them to come get them, they wouldn't get them. So when he put the gun on me, he also actually took. Remember those big tvs? They weren't big screens, but they was real big, like 300 pounds. On one of the days he had abused me, he grabbed my tv and ran out. And then he had his family members calling me going, yeah, that's why we got your tv. [00:33:23] Speaker B: Those were heavy. [00:33:24] Speaker A: How was he moving so fast? But, you know, you don't put it under your arm. Rabies are strong. Are strong as hell. [00:33:33] Speaker F: My son was three months old when I found out. He went to my son's father's house and was telling him that was his, please go to School and learn how babies are created. There's no way that we haven't dealt with each other in three years. There's no way this is your child, right? I seen this mom and make Kay and she was like, he want to see his baby now. Mind you, his family helped aid his crazy, right? I'm a brown skinned girl. My son's father is our YouTube color, and my son is yatu color. I know that genetic skips things, right? [00:34:14] Speaker A: But not that much. [00:34:16] Speaker F: But ain't no way this nougat baby, not your child. So finally I came outside one day and he was sitting outside my car. He was sitting outside my house in my car. But before that, there's so many episodes of beating me, hitting me, taking me to work, me having sunglasses on, and I'm like, I'm a bomb. [00:34:43] Speaker E: Bit. [00:34:44] Speaker F: Where am I being beaten? And so I literally had to take my son. By then he was six months, okay. And my oldest son was seven, and I had to leave the state and I moved to Las Vegas, Nevada. [00:34:57] Speaker E: Okay? [00:34:58] Speaker B: Was that a better situation for you in Vegas? [00:35:01] Speaker F: It was a lot better for me. [00:35:02] Speaker E: Okay. [00:35:03] Speaker B: I have such bad feelings behind Vegas. [00:35:05] Speaker F: Vegas is real bad now. [00:35:06] Speaker E: Yeah. Okay. [00:35:07] Speaker F: Yeah. So I moved there in 99. And then, I believe 2002, 2003, I met another man, okay. And we got married and I moved to Georgia and we bought a house. And he was really nice to my children. One day I came home and my oldest son was standing outside in the cold. And I said, why are you standing out in the cold? And he said, I can't come in the house because if I don't want to listen to him, then I'm going to stand outside and freeze. So I went in the house and I said, you locked my son outside in the cold? And he was like, yeah, and I'll do it again. And so one time we were in a fight and he lifted his hands to hit me. And my oldest son walked in and saw him with his fists to hit me, right? And I screamed at my son, call the police. Because I thought as a mother, to let my black son see a man hit me, right? I could never live that down. Ripple effect of so much stuff if I didn't do something. So I ended up. He was in the military. I had to end up calling his sergeant, getting him out of there. So what he would do, he would do a lot of stuff. He would call and be like, I'm on my way home. I'm on my way home. And then one day he was on his way home and I seen someone drop him off down the street in a truck, and he came running up, but he had been so my youngest son, who was three when three year old boys are often attached to their mother. So when he would try to come and cuddle with me, he would call him names like, you, what you do. You suck d. I mean, like, he talked to my. Yes. And I was thinking, God, I moved to this place. So I had won a lawsuit against a company, okay, they call a whistleblower, but they was making us work overtime and wasn't paying us. So the labor to buy apartment grant. I did a lawsuit. I won a $50,000 lawsuit. Gave my lawyer 20 and 30. I wasn't thinking now, at that time, we wasn't married. I wasn't thinking at the time that he wasn't focused on my money because we had been dating for. [00:37:35] Speaker A: He was around before then. Got you. [00:37:37] Speaker F: So when I moved there, you know the kirby vacuums that are $1,000? Then he wanted an escalade that was 5000. He was just going through my whistled and dime. He was scheming through my money. So one day the neighbor said to me, you're my friend and I want to tell you something. Your husband's been going on the weekend to see an ex girlfriend and cheating on you. And because I care about you, I don't want that to happen. Because he was so abusive to me and my kids. When he came home one day, I had a weed whacker. The one that you, oh, lord, you whack the car. And so I bought the escalate. So the escalade was destroyed by me. But in the process, what he would do is one night I put my children to sleep and my oldest son, he was seven at the time, he grabbed my hand before I walked out. And he's like, mom, are you going to be okay tonight? And I was like, why do you say that? He said, because I hear you screaming. And I said, I'm going to be okay tonight. So this is going to be a little graphic. Hopefully it's not too graphic for the news. But he was a man that watched pornography and so he would want me to watch pornography with him naked, but strip naked and watch pornography. And then he would like to strangle me till I passed out. Oh, wow. One night I was strangled till I passed out. And I woke up and it was like I wasn't going to make it. And he said, bitch, get up. You pretending like you harmed and there's nothing wrong with you. So I'm like, going through this and I'm like, I bought this house. I took my kids out of what they had and so I called my friend in Las Vegas, and I was like, can I send my kids there? Because I'm getting ready to leave, and I got to run for my life. So he would do stuff like, so the final straw was he locked my son outside again. And I had a mental trigger. And I came and I said, you locked my son outside? And he was like, yeah, I locked that derogatory homophobic slur outside. And so I took a chair and hit him. [00:40:10] Speaker A: Oh, you had that Tina Turner moment limo, okay. [00:40:14] Speaker F: He chased me around the table. When he got his hands on me, he beat me within an inch of my life. [00:40:22] Speaker E: Oh, wow. [00:40:24] Speaker F: And at that moment, I said, girl, you're Yolanda Antoinette Williams. There were so many incidents. I would leave in night robes to a hotel and everything like that, and I didn't know that after all. I eventually left him, and because we were signing a deed, he was trying to work me out of the money and the deed. And then I moved back to Las Vegas. And guess what? He did move to Las Vegas. He moved to was like. And then he was pretending to be nice to my kids again. And I was like, it was your. [00:41:10] Speaker B: Oldest when he was locking him out. He was seven. [00:41:13] Speaker F: He was seven years old, and he was in Georgia. It was like winter at the time. So he's very cold. It can get cold. Then my youngest son, I think one time, he see me with a black eye, and he wouldn't look at me. He just would hold his head down, and he would cry. And I said, shame for you. I said, oh, my God, if I do not fix this situation, I'm going to have black men I'm raising traumatized beyond words, and they might end up to be abusers, right? They might look at me and never respect me the same or whatever. [00:41:51] Speaker A: It can be a lot of things that happen out of those situations. And I wonder, so how long did it take for both of you guys to get out of your situations? [00:42:01] Speaker F: The first situation, because he stalked me so long, it took about three years. [00:42:07] Speaker E: Okay. [00:42:07] Speaker F: The second situation, we were only married a year. And at the end of it, after being beaten so bad in the way he treated me, I left. [00:42:15] Speaker A: All that in a year when you. [00:42:17] Speaker B: Were beaten the way you were, were the police involved? [00:42:19] Speaker F: Did that happen? I called his sergeant, and he made the military out of the home. [00:42:26] Speaker B: But police didn't come like they came to your home. [00:42:28] Speaker F: There were no, no, the police were, like, in that town in Warner Robbins, Georgia. It's a military town. So the police and the military are in cahoots. And so his sergeant made him stay out for a couple of weeks and then said, oh, he's better. He can come back to destroy me, right? Because who I was, he was like, who she thinks she is. [00:42:56] Speaker A: And that's a whole power thing. Like, it's like I'm going to get someone that I think is fine, bad, all these things, and I'm a breaker because that makes me more powerful and in control and I'm above her at. [00:43:06] Speaker F: This point, right, about lifting himself by putting you down. [00:43:09] Speaker A: Right. How long did it take for you to get out of your situation? [00:43:12] Speaker D: For me to successfully, it took eight and a half years. [00:43:15] Speaker E: Wow. [00:43:17] Speaker D: Before I left, we were living with his family, and when we're living somewhere else and we're not paying, let me clean up, let me do things around the house. And it was his female cousin, okay. So I offered to do things around the house that needed to be done, but that turned into, oh, you're a lesbian, you're cheating on me with my cousin. And I'm like, nah, that's not me. So that turned into fighting or him beating me. And what happened was he was also into construction, okay? He was in construction, so he had a lot of tools. So when he thought me and his cousin were messing around or what have you, he beat me with the industrial hammer. And he beat me so much where I lost consciousness. This is the first time I've ever been out. When I woke up, I didn't know what was going on. I just know he was standing over me, shaking me. Kenyatta, wake up. Wake up. So I'm thinking, what's wrong? [00:44:27] Speaker E: Right? [00:44:28] Speaker D: Everything's fine. I didn't feel any pain. And then I see my son sitting at the edge of the bed, and he was just watching tv. He was five at the time, trying. [00:44:37] Speaker A: To zone it out. [00:44:38] Speaker D: So he was just sitting. And I'm, like, in my mind now, thinking, why is he standing over me, shaking me, asking if I'm okay? Am I just sitting there motionless? And then just like, at that moment, my arm started throbbing. I had blood all down my arm, blood on my clothes. And then this other family member came. He went into the front room, and I was just like, I can't. I can't be here anymore. This is not going to work. So it was a one level apartment out in Gresham. I jumped out the window of the bedroom, and I'm reaching for my son to come, but he was too scared to come. So now I'm at this point, now I'm outside the window. Jumping out is easy. Jumping in. So I'm now trying to get back in before he comes into the room. And I can't get back in now my arms, I can feel the pain and I can't. So it's like I had to leave. In my mind, I was like, he's not going to hurt my son because that was his first son and that was like, his. So I ran. I ran all the way down to division, ran up, and I end up jumping two fences, which I did not. [00:45:44] Speaker A: Know I can do because that adrenaline. [00:45:51] Speaker D: I can't think of the name of the school, but it's right there off of division 182nd, I think. A division. [00:45:56] Speaker E: Okay. [00:45:57] Speaker D: So it was in the middle of a field. It was an open field. And I jumped in the garbage can. [00:46:02] Speaker A: The little blue garbage can. [00:46:03] Speaker D: And I was like, I'm just going to dug down as far as I can. I know that he can't see me unless he was standing right on the porta potty that was next to me. [00:46:11] Speaker E: Okay. [00:46:11] Speaker D: I heard these car wheels on the gravel, and I'm like, he found me. He must have seen me. [00:46:18] Speaker E: Oh, gosh. [00:46:19] Speaker D: This is probably going to be it for me. And then I was in there for, like an hour. And I keep hearing cars and I'm hearing doors, right? When I finally decided to pop out, I was counting to, like 100 over and over and over. I get the courage to pop out because now I'm hearing people. People are throwing garbage on me. And when I pop out, it's like a whole little league. [00:46:42] Speaker A: It's like four or five games. [00:46:44] Speaker D: I just got up and I just. And they looked at me like this black girl jumping out of a car. And I was, like, embarrassed at the same time, like, he's not here because it's too many people. And I just remember walking down powell not knowing where to go. I was too proud to go injured. [00:47:04] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:47:04] Speaker D: Well, actually, excuse me. Before I jumped out, I changed my clothes. [00:47:07] Speaker E: Okay. [00:47:08] Speaker D: So I was still injured, but I didn't. [00:47:10] Speaker F: You look good, though. Yeah, I was all right. She didn't look good. So I ended up, like, just walking. [00:47:22] Speaker D: And catching the bus to my mom's house. And as I was crossing the street to go to my mom's to say, you know what? [00:47:27] Speaker A: Swallow your pride. [00:47:29] Speaker D: Just tell her. Because I think a part of it was I didn't want my mom to know what was going on. When my mom first met him, something about him I don't like. That made me mad because I was like, he is just everything. Now I got to tell her she's right. So I was afraid to do that, but I was like, you know what? I'm going to. Because this is different. Even though he was still beating me, and that's not different, but I'd never been knocked unconscious. [00:47:55] Speaker F: Yeah. [00:47:56] Speaker A: So I'm curious, because I know that we've talked a lot about the trauma and the things that have happened, but where's the healing part? How do people get out of that situation? We know that you guys had your breaking points, right? But what are the resources that you guys are able to tap into that really supported you in those moments? [00:48:14] Speaker D: During my time, people were giving me resources, but even when I was away, he was still controlling me. [00:48:21] Speaker A: Got you. [00:48:21] Speaker D: We went through a whole court proceeding with me and him together, trying to get custody of my son back. [00:48:27] Speaker F: Oh, wow. [00:48:29] Speaker A: You left him. [00:48:30] Speaker D: Because I left him. But during the courts, he still had that control. So I thought that me and him had to show that we were a happy couple in order to get our son, because I wasn't on the stage to get my son. [00:48:43] Speaker B: And again, the only reason why he had your son is because you had to escape. [00:48:47] Speaker D: When I escaped, I was gone for three months. [00:48:49] Speaker E: Okay. [00:48:50] Speaker D: And he applied for state assistance, got food stamp, and named me the absent parent. And I was the absent parent. Yeah. And then one other time, he came back after three months, and I was like, I need to see my son. So I see my son. I go outside of my mom's house with no shoes on because I'm like, he's not going to do anything if I have in front of my mom's house and no shoes on. I get in the car. He asked me what I was doing for the whole three months. I'm honest. I told the truth. What happened? He didn't believe me. He slammed my head on the dashboard. He was doing carpentry in an apartment up the way. So he drove to that apartment. My son was in the backseat. He went in, he said, I'm going to tell my boss that I'm leaving for the day, and I'm going to come back and whip your ass. So he goes in the building inside the complex, and I'm just like, I can't. So I go out the window and I try to get my son. My son is holding on to the seatbelt. He was too scared to leave. So again, I'm outside the door. I don't know when he's coming out. So I had to leave. So a big part of that for me. It really affected me a lot emotionally because I left my son yet again. [00:50:02] Speaker E: Right. [00:50:02] Speaker D: Come to find out my son had marks on his. [00:50:05] Speaker F: Oh, God. [00:50:06] Speaker D: When I found out that his dad did that, it made me even more like, I'm terrible. I was busy protecting myself to not protect my son. So I still fight with that internally. [00:50:18] Speaker B: But, you know, when you're taking the flight and the airline attendants talk about, in the event, got to help protect yourself before you can. [00:50:27] Speaker D: Even, as much as that may be. [00:50:31] Speaker B: Hard to digest, that you had to leave your son, you wouldn't be any assistance to your son had you stayed. [00:50:37] Speaker F: Right, exactly. [00:50:38] Speaker D: Then there's that part of it. Even just going through that process, the help that I did receive from domestic violence centers, because I wasn't in the state of mind to accept it. I wasn't with it. I was like, I'm in rooms with women who drown their babies who do this. I'm like, oh, I would never do that. And I set myself outside of them, not thinking about the overall situation that they're in. [00:51:01] Speaker E: Right. [00:51:02] Speaker D: I didn't accept it. [00:51:06] Speaker B: What was it like for you to heal and to work through some of that? How did you come to a better place? Headspace. [00:51:16] Speaker F: What happened was after I had. And these are just 10% of what I. [00:51:24] Speaker A: What absolutely. [00:51:26] Speaker F: To me and my very short. [00:51:27] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:51:28] Speaker F: So what I went through was, and this may not be for everybody, I talked to God, and I was like, God, why am I going through this? Why am I suffering? And the Lord said, you keep choosing the same thing over and over and over and over again. And when I created you in your mother's womb, I knew you before you were formed. And I got mad. I was like, wait a minute. So I'm doing everything that I can to be a good woman to these people, and they treat me like trash. And I went to a season of celibacy, of just loving on myself, right? Going to get facials, massages, spending time with my kids. And I would have little incidents that happened where I would have really dark periods of depression. And people would be like, you need therapy. And in my family, therapy is taboo. [00:52:39] Speaker A: People don't. [00:52:42] Speaker F: Need therapy. [00:52:43] Speaker E: Right. [00:52:44] Speaker F: And so I started going to therapy. I started praying, and I began to read my bible, and I began to recognize my identity. And I said, if I'm good to you, why would you be? Treat me wrong? And I said, God, I'm not going to never let another man treat me like this. I have people in my family, they get mad at me because I come roll through that are mistreating them, right? And they want to stay with them. I said, well, you want to stay with him when he done hitting you upside your head, we'll talk about it. I had to take something deep within myself and I had to know my worth. Okay? I'm not saying I did it on my own. I did it through therapy, I did it through prayer, I did it through self help books because I've had near death experiences. I said, God, you ain't got me on this earth still living after what I've been through to not accomplish anything right. So I said, God, I'm going to take what you directed me to do and I'm going to put my all in it. And I have a husband now. We've been married. It's going to be eleven years. [00:54:19] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [00:54:20] Speaker F: He's from the south. [00:54:21] Speaker E: Congratulations. Okay. [00:54:22] Speaker F: He treats me like a queen to the point that he'd be like, you know, you getting treated so much like a queen, you lazy right now, can you please get up and get your own water? [00:54:35] Speaker A: And well deserve. She'd be like, no, I got this bell for a reason. [00:54:41] Speaker F: There's a song out called loving myself. Loving myself. I don't think that until you come into the knowledge of loving yourself. And it comes through therapy, it comes through other women that are empowered. Because one thing I don't think you should do is have conversations with single women that are also being beaten because they're going to tell you, girl, he love you. He wouldn't put hands on you if he didn't. I don't think you should hear advice from older women that have been with men for 50 years that he doesn't have 50,000 kids and he's so beaten on them. You need to get with women that build you up and say, you're too good for that and you can do this and you can do that. It is a process that you still go through years after. I don't know no woman that's ever been battered that can say that she don't have no feeling where she didn't feel. That hurt. [00:55:43] Speaker E: Right. [00:55:44] Speaker F: It's a consistent learning thing. [00:55:48] Speaker A: I know that you both had kind of shared that there were signs early on, and I know that you said you didn't recognize the signs, but looking back, you do. So what are some things that women can recognize that might be grooming for this type of relationship? [00:56:01] Speaker F: The man want to be the king of the house. [00:56:03] Speaker A: But isn't that what women want, though? So we got to be working. [00:56:07] Speaker F: This is a point, I was listening to this lady named Princeella, the queenmaker, okay? And she said that jury. So you see men that wear jewelry that attracts women. You see men that have nice cars that attract women. Money attracts women. In reality, women are attracted to feminine energy. Now, think about it. Money says, look at me. [00:56:36] Speaker A: Luxury, right? [00:56:37] Speaker F: Cars say, look at me because it. [00:56:40] Speaker A: Kind of gives off the vibe that you have it so you can take care of me. [00:56:43] Speaker F: And even with married people, sometimes married men, they said they're the most sought after man in the world. [00:56:50] Speaker B: That jewelry on their hands. [00:56:52] Speaker F: But why? Because it's feminine energy. So I think that the thing that comes into play with that is that women as a whole, instead of us recognizing that we are a sister, shit, we look at each other as competition. I'm going to do something here right now. Looking at you, I don't have the bedroom eyes that you have. [00:57:18] Speaker E: Thank you. [00:57:19] Speaker F: Looking at you, I don't have the silky smooth skin you got and the beautiful cheekbones. And looking at you, I don't see your beautiful smile. So we're looking at each other as competition. And often men who are abusive, and I'm not saying they're not all cheaters, but they got their choice of the woman, because in the worst that we could do to dress trampy was Daisy dukes. The women today, the bra, the panty liner, and thing like that. So I think that we got to recognize who we are as women. If I look different from you, Kenyatta, that's because God created me to look different from you or you or you. It's all a thing that we got to set standards for ourselves. If we don't set standards for ourselves, men. Now, we got to think about it. A lot of men came from broken homes where there wasn't a father, and the mothers were having different boyfriends running through and everything like that. So I'm not excusing the abuser, but who abused him? [00:58:48] Speaker A: What happened to you? [00:58:49] Speaker F: Yeah, who abused him? Who did he have to look up to? [00:58:53] Speaker E: Right? [00:58:53] Speaker F: So I think that if we take that self love and we love ourself and we know how to love ourselves. [00:58:58] Speaker A: Set the example for, then we can. [00:59:00] Speaker F: Then learn how to love a man, and then we can see if he's coming to us with negative energy and he want to tear us down. I won't tell you this. We see the red signs. We see the red flags, right? But we don't want to accept the red flags because we're looking for exception. Right? [00:59:23] Speaker A: Everybody else, not me. [00:59:24] Speaker D: And I think, too, for me, I know that everyone is not perfect, right? When you're with somebody, there's going to be something about that person that you don't like, right? Whatever that one thing is or those two things, can you live with it throughout the rest of your life? So when you have that kind of mindset, it allows you to be more open to accept some of the things that other people may deem as negative. [00:59:45] Speaker E: Right. [00:59:46] Speaker D: So I think, too, when you're looking at the signs, it just depends on that person, how they were brought up, what they've done in their life, to know, to see if they have that ability or that power to manipulate. And sometimes when people manipulate, it's not always in a bad way, but when they realize, oh, I could do that. [01:00:03] Speaker F: With this, get power. [01:00:04] Speaker D: And I think they get overboard with it. They just kind of keep going with it. And what else can I do? What else can I do? And for me, I didn't go through therapy. The therapy I went through was court order, which I wasn't there for. I wasn't there to finish it and be done. [01:00:20] Speaker E: Right. [01:00:21] Speaker D: When I did go to therapy, I understand what therapy is for. I want to try it. But then the first therapist that I went to go see, I felt like all they wanted was to be done and make that money because it was. [01:00:36] Speaker A: Finding the right therapist. [01:00:38] Speaker D: You were listening to me, and now I'm crying. I'm telling you everything that's happening, and now we got 5 minutes left, and. [01:00:44] Speaker A: The negative time is going on. [01:00:45] Speaker D: Okay, we'll see you next week. [01:00:46] Speaker E: Right? [01:00:47] Speaker D: So I'm going to come back in next week. [01:00:50] Speaker F: The only reason why I went to therapy and I wanted a black therapist, right? Until I met with her. And her therapy was, it was more like a gossip session. She wanted to know, what do you do then what you say about it. Then what happened? And I ended up going to a white therapist. And let me tell you why. So let's say we all threw 3456. God help me. This drink. [01:01:25] Speaker A: That pineapple. [01:01:26] Speaker E: Good. [01:01:29] Speaker F: If we all know a mutual friend and they know you, they know you, they know you, they know you, they know me, Sharon, and we're telling them our thought. How can they really be non biased? Because they know you and they know me. There's going to be a bias there, bias in everybody. So when I went to my therapist, she didn't know me from a can of paint, right? [01:01:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:01:53] Speaker F: And she was a white woman. And I'm not saying that they don't know, but there are some cultural for. [01:02:00] Speaker A: Those that are listening in Portland is a very small black community, so everybody knows hard. We find it hard to build trust amongst people who we got to share secrets with. It's very difficult. There are people out there, so we're not saying that there's not. But I totally understand what you're saying, and people might not understand why it's so difficult to find a non biased and non connected black therapist in Portland. It's tough sometimes, I know, but, God, this is such a good. [01:02:28] Speaker F: So much. [01:02:28] Speaker A: And I'm like. I feel like I know. I want to know just quickly, if you could give one piece of advice to yourself at a younger age, knowing what you know now, what would it. [01:02:38] Speaker D: Be besides run, besides listen to your mama? It just kind of just pay attention to what's going on, understand, and know what you want for yourself. I think for me, because I was still building up my me, I didn't know what Kenyatta wanted. I didn't know what I want to do. I mean, just on that spectrum, I didn't know what I want to be. So I'm just out here trying things. So just in the midst of trying things and seeing what works, that whole hitting the spaghetti against the wall type of thing, seeing what sticks, just kind of reflect on, like, what is important to me, what are my values? What do I deem to be important for myself? [01:03:15] Speaker E: Right. [01:03:15] Speaker D: And I think a lot of people don't do that. Even just recently, some of the folks that have come to me for assistance. And where can I go for this help? A lot of this is like, what do you want for yourself? It's going to be hard, but you got to come back to you first so you know what to do next. So I think that, in hindsight, looking back, I wish I would have been the me now. But also what I've been through made me who I am now. [01:03:41] Speaker A: Absolutely. [01:03:41] Speaker D: So even though I don't like what I've been through or how I went through it, I'm happy that it happened, because that opened my eyes up to a lot of different things. How to communicate, how to talk to people, how to help people. So I just think understanding what we want individually is important. [01:03:55] Speaker E: Okay. And what about you? [01:03:57] Speaker F: Minus, don't follow your heart. Follow your mind, because your heart wants what it wants, and your mind is there for logical things. [01:04:10] Speaker E: Got you. [01:04:11] Speaker F: So if you are following your heart, this could be the biggest red. Like, this person could be terrible, but you love them, so you're following them. But if you take up one moment to listen to your mind's, logic. You'll find, like, this isn't a good idea. And even though it's going to tear my heart apart. Yeah, I got to find my logic. So I would say follow your mind and not your heart. [01:04:40] Speaker D: I love it. [01:04:41] Speaker A: And where can people go to buy tickets for this event? [01:04:45] Speaker F: Okay. They can go onto my page, Yolanda Merryweather. They can go on to Kenyatta, Tris's place because it is also shared in her Facebook page. [01:05:00] Speaker B: Instagram or Facebook? [01:05:01] Speaker F: Facebook. They can also go to my Facebook page, inner beauty and you. And they can also inbox Kenyatta or me or calandra for tickets as well. [01:05:18] Speaker D: Beautiful. [01:05:18] Speaker A: And so they can find you personally if they have information or they want. [01:05:22] Speaker F: To grab all over. [01:05:23] Speaker A: She said she's everywhere. [01:05:24] Speaker F: Okay. [01:05:26] Speaker A: Just look up Yolanda Merriweather. You can find her. [01:05:28] Speaker F: And she's available. [01:05:30] Speaker B: Real quick, though, when is the cut off date to. When's the absolute latest? Because I want people not to sleep on getting their tickets. [01:05:36] Speaker F: Yeah, absolutely. Because we have a limited amount of tickets. We can get a bigger room if necessary. [01:05:44] Speaker E: Okay. [01:05:45] Speaker F: But I would like for people to buy their tickets by May 1 because the event is May 4. May 4. [01:05:53] Speaker E: Okay. [01:05:54] Speaker F: I want to emphasize. [01:05:56] Speaker D: Get them now. [01:05:56] Speaker A: Yeah, get them now. [01:05:58] Speaker F: People are kind of caught up on the point that it's a fundraiser. It's a fundraiser. It's a fundraiser. It is an appreciation dinner with a seminar. And any funds that we make beyond it will be donated. [01:06:15] Speaker B: So it is a tax write off as well? [01:06:16] Speaker F: It is a tax write off. They will receive a receipt. 501 tax deductible receipt. But it is to Kenyana. [01:06:27] Speaker D: What is the actual organization? [01:06:31] Speaker F: Organization. [01:06:32] Speaker D: I thought it was dope that she did ask me what organization do I want any of the additional proceeds to go to? And I'm like, oh, that's cool. So I selected women's first. She's going to get me. But Shannon Olive with women's first. It's a transitional resource center and it helps women who have been domestically abused or women who are trying to get back onto the right track in different areas. [01:06:55] Speaker E: Oh, that's dope. [01:06:55] Speaker A: That's amazing. [01:06:56] Speaker E: Okay. [01:06:57] Speaker A: And where can they find you, Miss Kenyatta Trice? If they want some support services, Facebook. [01:07:00] Speaker D: Under Kenyatta Trice on Facebook, in Trice OCs or Instagram, it's Yada Bombada. [01:07:07] Speaker F: I like that. [01:07:09] Speaker D: But they can find me there and I'll be posting throughout the next. [01:07:13] Speaker A: We'll share all of that. [01:07:15] Speaker E: Nick B. [01:07:15] Speaker A: Where can they find you? [01:07:16] Speaker B: I can be found on all platforms of dirty Roses podcasts, including our website, dirtyrosespodcast.com. And you can follow us on our social media, on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. If you want to reach me personally, I can be found on Instagram at. [01:07:35] Speaker F: Miss Lee, Larry, where can we find. [01:07:37] Speaker A: You can find me everywhere on all platforms. It's Leelore, Leighlarie. And again, like Nick B. Said on dirtyrosespodcast.com. [01:07:48] Speaker F: And we will catch you all next time. Bye. [01:07:51] Speaker E: Thanks. [01:07:52] Speaker B: Guess what, Rose buddies? We are thrilled to introduce our new sponsorship packages. Be sure to hit us [email protected]. To inquire how we can showcase your brand on our platform.