[00:00:00] Speaker A: I'm Lila Rie. And I'm Nick B. Listen, we're just two single girls from the city of roses discussing all things love, lust, and perception.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: And roses are a symbol of all things beautiful about love.
[00:00:11] Speaker A: But as you know, love can get a little dirty. So we're here to talk about it. Dirty Roses podcast starts now. Hey, I'm Lila Re. And welcome to Dirty Roses Podcast. Now, of course, you've noticed all season, I've been flying solo.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Dolo.
[00:00:24] Speaker A: Maybe I had a little guest host here and there, but my girl, Nick B. Is doing her thug fizzle with her health journey, and she is having her revision surgery. And by the time this airs, she's going to be outside, we going to be living life, and she might be dibbling, dabbling in some cupcakery. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?
So we wishing her well on her journey, make sure that you follow her on social media because she's talking about the whole process and everything that she's going through. And so we really support this because we talk about being well, being healthy, being healed, and being our best selves. So we support this. Holy. And she will be back next season, so I can't wait. But in the meantime. So since I mentioned cupcakery, we got the myth, the legend, the woman, the boss bitch, the everything that everything. My girl, my friend, I love her to death. The owner of DB Dessert Company, Mr. Mela Badon. How are you?
All right. Because, you know, she is the cupcake queen.
[00:01:18] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: She has been doing her thug thistle. She had three stores in multiple locations. At one point, she's been like, the go to for cakes, cupcakes.
And at this point, you doing classes, you doing. You got a. A wine bar in your restaurant in your spot.
She's got food.
Listen, if you talk about hustle, this is the queen of it all. And so she's been doing her thing, and I was like, what better way to, like, spread the word and get her shine on, but to have her on the Dirty Roses podcast. Yes. So welcome.
[00:01:48] Speaker B: Thank you so much.
[00:01:49] Speaker A: I'm excited.
[00:01:51] Speaker B: Of course.
[00:01:52] Speaker A: So obviously, cupcakes, right? This is the business.
Tell us about how you got started and why.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: Oh, that's a good one.
So it has been years, actually. I started. I started dabbling in, like, baking and cake design. Probably at least 16.
Yeah, probably about 16 years ago.
And I started because of one of my sons. He, you know, wanted me to make him something wild as a cake for his birthday, which was crazy. He was like 2 years old and he wanted this crazy cake. And at that time, you couldn't get anything other than like a sheet cheat cake in the grocery store. Right. So I started pages in the book. Yeah, that's what you got.
[00:02:30] Speaker A: Thomas Engine right here. That a five.
[00:02:33] Speaker B: He wasn't having none of that, so he asked me to make him this little crazy cake. So I did.
And then I kind of just was like, oh, this was kind of fun. I enjoyed it. You know, it was a fun thing to do. And so I. It kind of just turned into a thing after that. Like, I started making cakes for people and friends and family.
And then I realized, like, I had this kind of. That I didn't know I had.
So I turned it. I was like, well, I mean, God gave me this, I might as well do something with it. So I turned it into a business and a few years into that, I opened my first retail bakery. And it's, it's been that ever since.
[00:03:07] Speaker A: Now, did you have like formal training in baking or you just realized you.
[00:03:11] Speaker B: Were just self taught? Completely self taught. Yeah, completely self taught. I've always been like, I've always been a creative. I've always been artistic.
Growing up with, you know, cooking in the kitchen with my grandmother and my aunt and things like that. So it's always been in my blood to be in the kitchen. So just merging that with kind of the, the creative piece that I enjoy, it turned into this thing that I didn't know I could do.
[00:03:35] Speaker A: Yes. And so when you realized it was no longer like a hobby and the thing that you like to do, what made you want to open this into a business and like go full, full throttle? Because a brick and mortar is a big deal. It is, yes.
[00:03:49] Speaker B: Right.
For me, I think a lot of it came down to what wanting to.
Wanting to figure out what legacy looked like for me, what legacy looked like for my children. Making sure that, you know, growing up the way I did, you know, you grow up and you. It's like, figure it out.
[00:04:09] Speaker A: Right, Right.
[00:04:10] Speaker B: I didn't want that for them. And so thinking, thinking a lot about what legacy looked like and leaving them something other than some bills and a headache.
[00:04:17] Speaker A: So.
[00:04:20] Speaker B: So for me, it was, it was really, it was heavily dependent on wanting to kind of leave something for them and kind of show something different.
[00:04:27] Speaker A: So is the goal that they're going to take over the baking industry?
[00:04:30] Speaker B: I doubt it. I doubt it.
God blessed me with sons and so not saying, you know, men can't bake or anything, because my Sons can both. They can actually cook. But, yeah, I don't. You. That's. That. I don't see them doing that. I would love if they. If they would, but I'm open to them doing whatever they want to do, so.
But I think setting the framework for what entrepreneurship is and letting them see that, like, that's all they know, essentially, is mom, you know, being an entrepreneur, because I've been doing it for so long, so if they take over, it, great. If not, I'm okay. If they don't, I love it.
[00:05:06] Speaker A: I love it. So you did. At one point, you opened one shop, and that was, you know, out in Gleason. On Gleason. And I remember that. And then from there, you had opened up another spot on Alberta, and then you went to Rockwood area. Right? So. And then you condense down to one again. Now, I know that the Gleason store had some vandalism, and you were dealing with a whole bunch of stuff there, but what was it that made you want to expand and then go back to consolidating into one?
[00:05:34] Speaker B: So the expansion for me was always. It was always in the cards. From before I opened the first store, the goal is always, like, massive takeover, right? Like, if I'm gonna do this, I'm.
[00:05:44] Speaker A: Gonna go all the way.
[00:05:44] Speaker B: That's just who I am.
And so when I opened the first store, the goal was always.
I remember standing in the first bakery I opened and telling, within two years, I'm gonna have another one. And within 18 months, I had another one. Oh, wow. So it was always my goal to expand.
And so I did. I expanded, and I opened. I had the three going at once. And it was. It was. It was good. It was. It was doing what it was doing.
I enjoyed it. It was a lot of work.
But I think going through what life took me through at that moment, it just made sense for me to condense, in a sense to be able to focus on my. My boys a little bit more and not spread myself so thin, because I was definitely spreading myself then.
[00:06:30] Speaker A: I can imagine.
Right.
[00:06:33] Speaker B: So, yeah, condensing back to one for me was just. It was more of a. A need for my lifestyle to slow down and focus on my family a little bit more.
[00:06:42] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And then so with that, you spread yourself so thin, like, you obviously had to have a team of people. Right. And so I talk about this with, like, other entrepreneurs a lot. Like, how do you get into that space? Space where you trust somebody with your recipes and to do what you do the way you do it so that your brand is consistent. Like how do you get to that point and then how do you hire people or who do you get to do that?
[00:07:03] Speaker B: Yeah, so it's definitely, it's not easy. It took me a little while to get to the point where I felt comfortable to just hire like support. Right. Like basic day to day support.
But recognizing that I always have the mindset of growth. Right. And so in order to grow, you have to recognize that you like, you don't see any big brands or corporations that grow with a single person, they grow with a team. Right. And so knowing that that's the way that you have to grow and expand is being able to trust people.
I've always been open to the idea and so I started slow by hiring support workers and things like that. And it just kind of has grown from there. And believe me, I've hired lots of people over the years. I fired lots of people over the years.
NDAs are great, right. So, and at the end of the day I'm a businesswoman, so I pay attention to those things. So yeah, trust people with, you know, your recipes, you make them sign NDAs. You know, you make sure things, don't you try to make sure things are not shared. But at the end of the day what I do is, you know, anyone can, anyone can bake, right. But it, everything's going to have a little different twist to it depending upon who does it. So I'm not as like crazy, you know, hold tight on what I do as I was when I first started because I understand the business and anybody can do it, but it won't be.
[00:08:25] Speaker A: Like how I do it. Right, right, right. So what is your niche? Like you have like cupcakes obviously has like been a thing, but you also do like, you do the cinnamon rolls and you have a billion types of cinnamon rolls you make. You have like the cakes and the wedding cakes. You've got gluten free, you've got like different things that you do. So like what is like your niche, you know, that you do.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: So when I started out, my niche was custom cakes and it was because I enjoyed the artistic piece of carving and like turning cake into like a three dimensional design or things like that. So I enjoyed the artistic piece. So that's when I, what I really got into was doing that and then that kind of, that, that is fun. But for me as growing a business, you have to understand, you have to no longer, you can't continue working in your business, you have to work for it. Right.
So like being in the kitchen, carving cakes isn't realistic. You know, when you run multiple, multiple stores or you run a big organization, you can't necessarily be in there baking all the time. So understanding that, that couldn't be my thing anymore. So then we transitioned to cupcakes and other, you know, ancillary products. And I've always wanted it to be like a dessert space. I didn't want it to be a one dimensional kind of thing.
So our, I think right now our niche has been, over the last several years has been kind of focused on cupcakes. That's probably where we excel the most.
But everything else is definitely a support product to what we do.
[00:09:54] Speaker A: Because definitely, like, I did remember noticing you first when you were doing the stuff in your kitchen at home. Like, I mean, you had the big island and you was like doing stuff and showing the cakes off. And then it was like, then she got a store, but the store was cupcakes. And so I was like, is it because it's easier to do little cakes? You know, like, I didn't know what the transition was. So that makes sense.
[00:10:12] Speaker B: Yeah. So it's, I mean, definitely cupcakes are easier to do and they don't require as much space, skill as custom cakes and carved cakes and things like that require. So that, that kind of is what the business part made sense to do it that way. But yeah, we still, we still do custom cakes. I don't do them anymore, but we still, you know, it's still something that we do.
[00:10:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: And we just, you know, you hire people who are better at things than you are.
[00:10:40] Speaker A: I love it. What, what was your biggest cake fail?
[00:10:44] Speaker B: Ooh, biggest cake fill, I think. So this, I, I wouldn't even say this is a cake field. This was a business fail and this was years and years ago getting started. I think one of the biggest cake fills was figuring out organization in business and having a customer come in and realize we somehow lost their order and they came to pick up a cake that we didn't make.
So that, I think those are. That was probably the biggest cake fail. And that might have happened to us twice at, you know, in seven years, but after that it never happened again.
[00:11:20] Speaker A: But what do you do in that situation? Like apologize.
[00:11:23] Speaker B: Apologize.
Apologize.
[00:11:26] Speaker A: Store brand.
You scrape the frosting off and then.
[00:11:30] Speaker B: Yeah, no and no. I think that in that moment, the first time it happened, it was literally just, you know, profusely apologizing, of course, refunding them their money and offering, you know, them something in return. And you Know, people are gonna be upset as they, you know, should be. But, yeah, there ain't nothing you can do in that moment other than be like, I'm sorry, Here's a cupcake. I messed up. Right? You know, and realistically, like, we're human. You know, people make mistakes, and it happens. It never happened again after that. But, you know, you put in processes to make sure it doesn't happen, but, yeah.
[00:12:02] Speaker A: Did you turn into, like, Chef Gordon Ramsay and was like, what the hell.
[00:12:05] Speaker B: You doing back in this kitchen? No, no, no. I haven't had to do that too many times. There are moments where I do have to, you know, flex a little bit on people, but not often. I have a really.
I feel like I'm pretty good at, you know, gauging people and hiring the right people, and I'm good at firing people when they don't work out.
[00:12:24] Speaker A: Let me see how you fire somebody.
[00:12:28] Speaker B: I mean, you have to understand that, you know, the worst part in business is keeping someone that doesn't work around too long like that. That can be the detriment. And I always say, the only person that's gonna burn this house down is gonna be me. I'm never gonna let someone else tear down something I've built. So if you. If it's not working, they gotta go.
[00:12:46] Speaker A: That part.
I love it. What. What has been your favorite design or cake or cupcake or thing that you've made?
[00:12:54] Speaker B: You know what? The things that I think have always been my favorite have just been, like, birthday cakes for my kids. Those are first, of course, they mean, you know, they mean so much, but it's always fun letting them, you know, design what they want in their head. Something crazy, right. And then being able to make it come to life for them.
So I think those have always been. And they always test me the most. Like, they test my skill set. So like, my son, d', Alonzo, he has always tested my skill set to the utmost. Like, he'll. I think when he was probably, like, 10 or something, he wanted a minions cake, but he wanted it three dimensional on a basketball court with a jersey on. Like, it was something wild, and I made it, and it was dope. It was super dope. But, like, those are. I think those mean the most to me is being able to, like, turn something that they come up with in their head into a cake for them.
[00:13:53] Speaker A: Have they ever, like, drawn a cake and been like, I want you to make this draw? Oh, yeah.
[00:13:57] Speaker B: They come up with the. I'm telling you, they. They are the reason I got really good at what I do is because they test me. They be like, mom, can you make this? I know you can. And I'm like, I'm not about to fail in front of my kids.
I'm like, oh, yeah, I got it. I'll figure it out. I got you. Yeah.
[00:14:13] Speaker A: It's gonna move. It's gonna run down the court. It's gonna slam dunk.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: Right.
[00:14:16] Speaker A: Glitter is gonna shoot out at you. Yeah.
[00:14:19] Speaker B: It'd be those kind of things.
And I'd be like, y' all are so wrong. But it's always. It's the funnest.
It definitely means the most for me.
[00:14:27] Speaker A: Yeah. So, okay, you have a business in Portland, Oregon?
[00:14:31] Speaker B: I do.
[00:14:31] Speaker A: And you are a black woman in Portland, Oregon?
[00:14:35] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:14:36] Speaker A: How do you navigate that?
[00:14:44] Speaker B: I don't know if there's a right answer to how you navigate that, but just being who you are, right.
You understand what it comes with. You understand the responsibility it carries.
You understand the representation that you have that you don't even ask for that part.
[00:15:03] Speaker A: You represent the whole black community.
[00:15:05] Speaker B: Right. It's so hard. It's so hard. And you. You know, sometimes you. You don't recognize, you know, people are paying attention to what you do. When you are like, I'm an introvert. Right. I'm a. I'm. I'd stay to myself for the most part. So recognizing that people. People are watching you and they're paying attention to you is hard, but it does.
I'm okay with that. I'm okay with the heaviness that that comes with, because I understand that there are people that came before me that, you know, they fought to make sure I could do what I do right now and it. You know, and be successful and things like that. So for me, it's a heavy weight to carry at times, but it's one that I accept and, you know, I navigate it the best way I can. I make mistakes. You know, I am not perfect by any means. I screw up, you know, all the time. But you navigate it just by going through life, right?
[00:15:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Who are some of your biggest inspirations.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: Probably in life?
It would be my grandmother, for sure.
That's kind of where I got my sweet tooth from. Okay. She was.
She always was into sweet. Like, she would make fudge, and she would make this thing called cracker pie growing up. She was born in the 30s. Right. Okay. I know cracker pie sounds wild, right?
[00:16:26] Speaker A: And I'm like. And as a black woman in the 30s, probably had a hidden meaning.
[00:16:30] Speaker B: Like, no, I really I really thought it did when she. When she used. Because she made it. She would make it for us when we were younger.
Yes. How did you know?
[00:16:40] Speaker A: I don't know, but whenever I think.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: Of crackers, I think it's right, so. But the crazy part about it was that it's so funny.
It was. And for me, I think it was, you know, growing up in the 30s, you wouldn't have, so these. This cracker pie, I kid you not, when she would make it, you couldn't tell that it wasn't an apple pie. Like, it tastes like apple pie. It's the weirdest thing ever. I don't know how they did it, but for me, what I got from that was in that era of time, like, you couldn't.
Apples wasn't like a readily available produce for, you know, black people coming from my grandmother's from Ohio. But so for me, it was like, okay, that. That was. That was like survival mode. Right? So recognizing. Oh, they were able to make something out of nothing. That's what this is. And so, yeah, she would make this thing called cracker pie for us. She make fudge, she make dump cakes. Like, she would just do all of these things that, you know, we enjoyed. And that's kind of where I got my, like, addiction to sugar.
[00:17:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:42] Speaker B: So she's definitely was my biggest. My biggest cheerleader, my biggest inspiration just in life of being, like, a good human and just being a strong and amazing woman like that. I couldn't think of anybody else more that I look up to than her in the world.
[00:17:59] Speaker A: I love that. And so as you are going through and navigating business and expansions and developing new ways to incorporate things into your cupcakery, bakery, dessert company, how are you, like, mentoring other people that come behind you and like, including them into your process or at least teaching?
[00:18:19] Speaker B: So realistically, I've tried to do this in several different ways. So, like, I've always tried to have my thumb on, like, young people. And so I've definitely given a lot of young people their first jobs, making sure that they understand, like, what it's like to work somewhere, teaching them a little bit of the trade. So I've done that just within my business in itself.
And then I also, you know, behind the scenes, support a lot of other businesses in the city that people probably don't know about.
You know, I'm always helping and giving advice and background and, you know, operational support to other people, other fellow entrepreneur friends that I have, just helping them grow.
[00:19:06] Speaker A: I love that. I know. I seen an article that came out about restaurants and businesses, businesses that are supporting folks that are losing their SNAP benefits. And I saw that you were listing. I was like, that's cool. I was like, okay, you know, go get you some food. You know, so, like, what does that look like?
Like, how do you come up with an idea and then, like, what is the offer that you're able to support people with that doesn't impact you negatively in your business model?
[00:19:32] Speaker B: I think for. For me. So what I. What I thought about is, you know, how can we be of. Of service, especially to our community?
Just thinking about being, like, having, you know, I had my son when I was 19, so being a young mom, understanding what that struggle is like, you know, having to, you know, need support, you know, being. Being at that age and having kids and understanding that.
Not that, you know, I'm not in a place where I can just divvy out money like that, but I do. I am in a place where we can do something, like offer something to people that may need it. So what we've been doing is just making loaves of bre. Like, it's not like we don't have flour and sugar and all the things already, but, yeah, it does, you know, it does cost me what it cost me as far as, you know, keeping the lights on and helping, you know, my staff to make it. But it's something that we can't offer, you know, for this period of time, because I just. I can't stomach the idea of people, like kids not having food and things like that. So we're offering, like, free loaves of bread or baked goods. Like, we're making whatever we can just to give out to people.
[00:20:36] Speaker A: Just.
[00:20:36] Speaker B: Just if you need to come get it. We've had, like, people reach out. If there's elders that need it, let us know. We'll drop them out. We'll drop it off to them. So, you know, we'll figure it out.
[00:20:44] Speaker A: Right?
[00:20:44] Speaker B: We'll do it as long as we can. Right. I'm not, you know, hopefully the impact is helpful, but we'll do it as long as we can.
[00:20:50] Speaker A: I love that. I love that. And you mentioned, like, delivering to people, and I know that you ship and one of the things that you make, which cracks me up, and I love the concept of it, is the cupcake in the jar.
[00:21:00] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. And I wonder.
[00:21:01] Speaker A: I've purchased some and I've had them shipped, but I'm like, can they. Can't that get heavy?
[00:21:05] Speaker B: Like, yes.
[00:21:06] Speaker A: I'm like, you buying, like, a $85 cupcake at this point with shipping and everything the way it is. How does that work?
[00:21:14] Speaker B: Yeah, no, it definitely can get heavy. Over the years, we've changed the way we ship it, we've changed the packaging we use to make sure that we can ship it and then not be crazy. As far as the weight goes, we started off with glass jars. That was a bad idea because that's extremely heavy. Right, right, right.
[00:21:31] Speaker A: I was like, don't buy a dozen.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: Yeah, no, it's a lot. Right. So, yeah, we've. Years, we've been. We've been able to, like, you know, wean it down and change the way we package, and we're able to ship stuff at a lesser. A lesser cost than we were before. But it's all trial and error.
[00:21:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:46] Speaker B: You know, you figure it out.
[00:21:48] Speaker A: I love it. I love it. And you talked about, like, you loved Kate Carbon as you're like, initial part of your process, but, like, how that translate into your regular life and your everyday life outside of business. Like, that's patience and, you know, very precise, you know, ways of doing things. How does.
How do you take what you do and translate it to how you navigate just your personal, everyday. Demela.
[00:22:10] Speaker B: Oh, I think it's interesting because some of the things that I do, especially when I first started, that required, you know, to sit still, I think for me was an opportunity to do just that, like to just kind of sit still. I do, I go a lot. Like, I'm non stop all the time. Go, go, go, go. And so in those moments, it allows me to slow down a little bit, which can be helpful because I don't slow down unless I'm made to slow down.
And so in those moments, like having to sit down and carve or think through or do something that's intricate, sometimes I hate it because I need to move a lot. But it's helpful in calming, like, it's calming, which is good for me just, you know, in the things that I do, being able to, like, sit down and chill out and just calm my nerves and think. So I use it, like, when I do sit down and do, like, intricate things, I use it as a moment just to relax.
[00:23:12] Speaker A: I love that. I love that. I love it. And you talk about, like, needing to be sat down. Right. So a couple years ago, we had the huge snowstorm and it took y' all out, like, and you were down for a minute. Yes. How did that impact you and what was that comeback like?
[00:23:26] Speaker B: Cause I know you lost a lot of money.
[00:23:29] Speaker A: Well, no, only bad because you had to rebuild. Like, literally your ceiling collapsed, the place flooded, equipment was damaged, all the things.
[00:23:38] Speaker B: Yeah, no, that was. That was rough.
And it was right after, like, the worst time of my life. Right. It was within a couple of months of the worst time of my life.
And so when that happened.
Yeah, I think it took a while to get to the point of understanding what had happened. Like, shock took me out for a while. Like, just, wow. Like, I built this. This thing in this business, and it is gone. Like, it is completely gone.
And so, yeah, we had to completely gut the entire bakery from top to bottom. Walls, floors, see, like, everything.
Nothing was left. So having to gut the building and rebuild from the ground up was extremely hard. And it. It took us over nine months.
[00:24:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:26] Speaker B: So we were out for almost the entire year just trying to fight through what it was like to have to rebuild.
Yeah, it was. Only thing I say is it was hard.
[00:24:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:38] Speaker B: Like, really, really hard. Definitely test my patience. But it did require. It gave me a little bit of time to think. It gave me a little bit of time to restrategize and figure out how I wanted to come back, if I was gonna come back. Right. Because that was the thing. Like, is this. Do I even do this again?
[00:24:54] Speaker A: Right.
[00:24:55] Speaker B: So it. It allowed me a lot of time to think.
Very difficult. But it was. It was. It was. It was a good moment of clarity.
[00:25:06] Speaker A: Gotcha. Yeah. And you. You mentioned that it came after that difficult point. Right. So you're a mama. 3. And tragically, one of your sons was taken away.
[00:25:15] Speaker B: Right.
[00:25:15] Speaker A: Right after his 18th birthday. Right. Yeah. So how do you just. In general, as a mom, how do you navigate that? Because I feel like in that moment, it wasn't just like you lost your son. You were also going through a very kind of. I say public, because you're a public figure. You're going through a separation, divorce process with your ex, and then you had that happen. Like, how?
[00:25:41] Speaker B: I don't know.
I want to say. I would love to say that there was some divine situation that carried me through, but, no, it was hard every single day.
It does not get better. Right. You know, people will tell you it gets better with time. It doesn't. There's nothing about it that gets better. It doesn't get easier.
It's hard. And I think the only thing that has allowed me to continue is the fact that I have two other sons that need me.
I am their sole provider, and I am their everything.
[00:26:21] Speaker A: Right. And.
[00:26:24] Speaker B: Not wanting to fail them.
[00:26:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:26] Speaker B: And not wanting to Fail my son that I did lose is. I think that's the only thing that allows me to get up and continue doing what I do do and just. Just functioning. Right. But I don't function every day. There are days where I just can't. Right. There's moments where I just can't do it. Like, and I just have to, you know, sit in my room and sit in my bed for a while and just tone out the world so it doesn't get easier. It is extremely hard. Navigating it is different. You have to learn how to be a new version of yourself that you didn't ask for.
[00:27:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:04] Speaker B: That you don't actually want to be. Right.
But you have to learn this new you and this new you is very different from who you were before.
[00:27:13] Speaker A: Right. And I can imagine, like, having a team at least that was able to help you navigate the business while you went through that process. Because as an entrepreneur, like, it doesn't stop because life happens. And it's so unfortunate because it's like you don't even get to grieve like a regular person because you have to still survive. You got bills to pay. You got things that you got to take care of. You got people that depend on you.
So, like, for you, what were some of the things that you did because you say, you know, you had to take care of your boys. Like, you still have two living kids that were also grieving and they're young and they had to process. You had a business, you had things. What were some of the things that you did?
[00:27:51] Speaker B: Three.
[00:27:52] Speaker A: Right. Because I was right that part. So how do you. What did you do as like, your form of self care or things that you did to make sure that even though I'm sure you fell apart.
Right. All the time, how did you pull yourself back up? Like, what did you do?
[00:28:08] Speaker B: I got into therapy.
I. I still. I'm in therapy every week, and I have been since. Since then I made sure my boys were in therapy.
And just to be able to process, I leaned on.
I have, like, a really good core group of, like, friends that, you know, rallied and supported me, like, more than I could have asked for.
People like you, who loved me, you know, who. Who looked out and, you know, checked on me and made sure we were good like that, you know, those are the moments that allow you to kind of get through that day. Right.
So you, you lean on who you have and you, you get up and you push forward. You know, like, breaking isn't an option. You know, quitting ain't an option. And like you said, I have children that rely on me and depend on me. I have people who work for me that depend on me.
And it is hard. You don't get to.
It doesn't allow you to completely grieve the way that, you know, someone else may potentially get to. But there's no right way to do it. Facts. There's no right way to grieve. There's no right way to go through tragedy.
Everything is a lesson that you figure out as you go. And I just. I try to figure it out as.
[00:29:31] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:29:32] Speaker B: I hope that it works.
[00:29:33] Speaker A: Yeah. And so in what ways do you, like, you celebrate the life of your child? Like, what do you do to, like, keep his legacy going?
[00:29:40] Speaker B: We talk about him.
We make sure that, you know, his pictures are everywhere.
A lot of times we do talk about him in present, which is hard to do, but it, you know, it's important.
You know, we just. I think who he is is so deeply ingrained into who I am, into who my boys are, and they make sure that they acknowledge him all the time.
[00:30:12] Speaker A: I saw the football video. I was like, that was so cute. I loved it.
[00:30:16] Speaker B: They acknowledge him all the time. Like, he, like, that's their protector.
[00:30:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:21] Speaker B: He's their big brother and he always will be there.
Their protector.
And so we just, we. We try our best to keep him close to us in the way that we can.
[00:30:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:33] Speaker B: We're a super close knit family. Right.
[00:30:35] Speaker A: Right.
[00:30:35] Speaker B: My boys are. Everybody knows this.
[00:30:37] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:30:38] Speaker B: Voice is right with me. Right everywhere.
[00:30:40] Speaker A: They with me here today.
[00:30:41] Speaker B: Here today. Right. Sitting here today. They're always with me.
And so we just, we. We try to keep him as alive as he, like. It still doesn't seem real every day. It's still like this. This is not real. So for me, it's not. It's not. He is still very much who I am.
[00:31:01] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. How have you shifted parenting styles given the situations and all the things?
[00:31:09] Speaker B: I've always been a protective mom, so that is, you know, I probably is increasing a little bit more.
I have leaned even further into, like, my parenting style has always been, you kind of gotta make your own, like, you gotta make your own choices. Right. You have to. I'm raising men. I'm not raising, you know, not saying there's anything wrong with raising girls, but I'm raising men. And so. And I'm raising black men.
[00:31:40] Speaker A: Right.
[00:31:40] Speaker B: So that. That comes with a whole nother level of responsibility. And so I do give them a lot of autonomy and, you know, some People might think that's, you know, it's too much. But for me, if anyone meets my kids, they, they would be like, those are some mature.
They are extremely mature and responsible and respectful and well spoken.
And it's because I give them a lot of autonomy that comes with a lot of teaching.
I, I'd definitely be on my next.
[00:32:12] Speaker A: Right.
[00:32:13] Speaker B: But you know, I give them a lot of autonomy because I recognize as a young black man, like, life is not gonna be easy for you, and you have to be able to navigate it. And you can't navigate it relying on anybody else to make the decision for you. And so they make a lot of choices that some people might not let their kids make. Like, yeah, my kids don't have bedtimes. Like, they have natural consequences. If you wake up in the morning and you tired and you gotta go to school, you probably should have made it decision and went to sleep at night. But I guess you gonna figure that out when you in class and you tired. Right? Right. So they, they have to make a lot of decisions on their own. And that's just because I recognize that they, they are young men that have to navigate the world on their own and they. Mom ain't gonna always be there for them.
[00:32:58] Speaker A: Right. And how do you, how do you deal with the, like, the, the conversations around single moms can't raise men?
[00:33:08] Speaker B: That's an interesting thing.
[00:33:09] Speaker A: Right.
[00:33:10] Speaker B: Because I think I fell victim to questioning if, like, if that was true. Right. Because I think for a moment I feel like maybe they can't, like maybe, you know, maybe it's a thing. And, you know, I've talked to lots of, you know, lots of other men friends that I have close friends that, you know, were raised by single women or raised by women or, or not. Right. Or raised with both parents and understanding that there are things that I can't, you know, I can't relate to and I can't give them. So I do surround them with, like, they are surrounded by other.
There are other men in their lives that pour into them and feed into them, but recognizing that I absolutely can raise very, very well, you know, rounded children and black men. Like, there is, there's nothing who says I can't.
[00:34:01] Speaker A: Right.
[00:34:01] Speaker B: Like, I absolutely can. I don't know everything and the things I don't know. That's why we have a community and that's why we have a village, and that's why we call on people that love and pour into them when they can. So abs women can definitely raise. Like, that's Bull.
[00:34:16] Speaker A: I feel you. I just had to ask. Cause I'm like, I have this conversation all the time and I have an acquaintance who is adamant that, you know, women can't raise men.
[00:34:25] Speaker B: That's wild.
[00:34:26] Speaker A: And I'm like, we debate all the time. And I'm just like, I don't understand how, like, if we have a. Like you said, we have a community. I put men in my son's lives to where, like, if I can't teach you something, this man can somebody. You have an example. It doesn't mean that you're not being raised. Raised well. Like, it's crazy, but you know, how.
[00:34:43] Speaker B: Many successful men were raised, like, tell me that that doesn't. Like, that's crazy to think that, you know, and it's hard because I feel like as a community, we are so critical of ourselves.
[00:34:53] Speaker A: That part. Yeah.
[00:34:54] Speaker B: And it's ridiculous because at the end of the day, the majority of us were raised by single women. Like, so are we. Is. Is all.
Do we throw all of us away? Like, no, it's. It's something that we have. Have to do with something that happens. And you navigate it. Like being able to see my boys. I did that. Like, yeah, they are, they are well rounded and people. There are other men that pour into them. They gonna be fine. Right?
[00:35:19] Speaker A: Right.
[00:35:20] Speaker B: They're going to be fine.
[00:35:22] Speaker A: I know. I always say, like, they're gonna, they're gonna learn how to treat a woman because they're gonna treat their mom well.
[00:35:27] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:35:28] Speaker A: And we're not gonna be them overbearing moms or, you know, it's like you got to pick between your girl and your mom. You just go have a good example of what's acceptable and what's not acceptable and it's okay.
[00:35:35] Speaker B: Like, absolutely. And my sons know I don't even play them games. I wish you would treat a girl crazy around me. I am. It's not. You are not going. It's not going to go well for you. Right, Right. They're going, they're going. They're going to be great men. And I know that. And it's, you know, it's due to what I pour into them and with the people that love them. Pour into them.
[00:35:52] Speaker A: Absolutely. I love that. What's your favorite part about being a mom?
[00:36:01] Speaker B: Watching them, Watching them flourish, watching them grow, watching them make good decisions and like, watching them making decisions on their own and seeing, like, the fruits of what they do.
I think for me, like, there's nothing better than seeing your kids become great and watching them become Amazing. Like.
Like that's what I do it for. Like, that the joy of seeing them do well, like the joy of seeing them study and get good grades or the joy of seeing them, you know, do well on the field, you know, in the sports that they play, or the joy of people coming up to you and telling you, you know, how amazing and responsible and respectful they are. It's like that.
That is the greatest gift.
[00:36:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:47] Speaker B: Like, nothing. Nothing tops that.
[00:36:48] Speaker A: I love that. I love that. Now I know that. We talk. We touched on the fact that you were going through, like, a divorce at the time of all these things happening. And it seemed like it was pretty quiet. Like, the separation was quiet. Everything was, you know, cool. And then, like, life just lifed. And it was like, it became public. And because you have a business and because, you know, he is who he is, you know, everybody. Everybody knows him. So it wasn't like people didn't know or they weren't noticing and then they weren't hearing and seeing.
So what was the turning point from when it went from a private, like, we're. We're done conversation to it's a very public. And we despise each other at this point.
[00:37:30] Speaker B: It was always supposed to be private.
[00:37:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:32] Speaker B: It was never supposed to be a public thing. I do recognize being a public, you know, figure in this small city we live in is a thing.
[00:37:41] Speaker A: Right.
[00:37:42] Speaker B: But it cannot be a thing. But you have to have two people on the same level for that to work out that way. And we weren't.
We weren't equally yoked. We weren't on the same level. We didn't respect each other the same way. And so, you know, if it was up to me, it would have remained private. Right. It could have easily remained private. But hurt people. Hurt people.
And I, understanding he was, you know, he was hurt. And that's how he decided to lash out and kind of still do. But, you know, that, you know, that's his. That's his choice and his decision. You'll. You read like that ain't me. That's not who I am.
If I would, if, if I was, if I was vocal the way he tried to be vocal, you could hurt some feelings. I could. Some reputations would be destroyed. Right, Right. But I, you know, I, I. There's no reason for that.
[00:38:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:38] Speaker B: Blessings don't come from that, so.
[00:38:40] Speaker A: Right.
[00:38:41] Speaker B: For me, if I, you know, I would have kept it private.
[00:38:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:43] Speaker B: That wasn't his choice. He. He chose otherwise.
I bet he would. Hopefully he, you know, recognized that that Wasn't a good decision.
[00:38:50] Speaker A: Hindsight, right?
[00:38:51] Speaker B: Hindsight is always 20, 20.
[00:38:53] Speaker A: Yes. So what was it? And you got to tell me why the separation happened, but, like, what part of you changed to where you were? Like, this is the moment that I'm. I'm done.
[00:39:05] Speaker B: You know, they always say women don't. They don't leave right away.
[00:39:08] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:39:09] Speaker B: It took a long time. It took years. I was married to. For 17 plus years. Actually 18, to be honest.
And I think the hardest part for me at the beginning was not wanting to fail. Not wanting to fail in life, not wanting to fail in my marriage, not wanting to fail my children.
[00:39:31] Speaker A: Right, right.
[00:39:33] Speaker B: And so it took a long time to get to the point where I was like, accepting of. Of whatever that failure was gonna be. It was gonna be and deciding that, you know, this just. This wasn't for me no more. It came to a point where it was like, you know, it's you or him. And, you know, when it comes to that point for me where it's like, you have to choose either, you know, your safety or your health or whatever the case may be. Like, you kind of gotta choose you. And if you don't, then. And you feel then you're failing. Right. If you don't. If you don't choose you at some point. And for me, it took a long time to get there.
[00:40:15] Speaker A: Like, a long, long time.
[00:40:17] Speaker B: I hate that it took so.
[00:40:18] Speaker A: Right, girl, I can relate. I can relate.
[00:40:21] Speaker B: I hate that it took me so long to get there, but it took me a long time. And once I got there, and unfortunately I'm that person is once I get.
[00:40:30] Speaker A: There, there's no going right. Like, right.
[00:40:32] Speaker B: I can't even. I can't go back if I want. Wanted to.
[00:40:35] Speaker A: Right.
[00:40:36] Speaker B: So there was. There was no going back at that point.
I don't regret it at all. It was hard. It was difficult. It was nasty. It was very expensive.
Get prenups, people.
But, you know, I don't regret it. Choosing me was probably the best thing I could have ever done.
But, yeah, it was hard.
[00:41:00] Speaker A: How do you feel about. About the conversations where it's like people say, stay for the kids or, you know, or choose yourself because the kids don't. Shouldn't see that, you know, or whatever the case may be, like, what is. I mean, clearly we know what your stance is at this point, but you said it took a while. So at any point in time, was that your thought process?
[00:41:17] Speaker B: Absolutely. Did you battle with that? Absolutely.
Grow. Like, I didn't grow up with my Parents. I, you know, I grew up with my grandmother and my aunt, my uncle. I didn't grow up, up, you know, in a household with my mom and my dad. And for me, it was like, I wanted to make sure I gave that to my kids. I wanted them to have their mom and their dad. Right. Like, that was important to me. It was. It was almost more important than anything.
[00:41:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:43] Speaker B: And it was that sense of failure. Right. Like, I don't want to feel. I promised I would give them this. Like, you can't. You can't not give them what you said you was going to give them. And so I think, think, you know, not wanting to fail them and making sure they had things I didn't have for a long time outweigh my happiness.
[00:42:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:03] Speaker B: It outweighed my respect. You know, I let that trample everything.
[00:42:09] Speaker A: Right.
[00:42:09] Speaker B: And, yeah, I.
I don't think it was a good decision because I think at the end of the day, you know, if you're not happy, your kids see that, you know, like, that is. I think that that sometimes can be more detrimental than just sticking it out. Right, Right. And, you know, you stick things. Marriage is hard in general, right?
[00:42:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:28] Speaker B: It's just difficult. And so.
But I think sometimes it gets to a point where difficulty and disrespect is, you know.
You know, it ain't the same.
[00:42:40] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's so funny because I know, you know, I grew up single mom with a single mom, and I was very determined. I was like, I want to have Amanda House. I want to have a big family. I didn't have a big family. And so it was like, all the things that I want, I was trying to make happen. And you hear things like, marriage is hard. It's. You got to work at it. And I think I misunderstood that as, like, you know, like, I'm like, oh, it's hard. No, this. This is not healthy. So there's a difference between not healthy and, like, working hard. And so I.
I wish that I had a better example. And no knock to my mom or my dad or anything. It just. I didn't know better, and I didn't really have good examples of marriage growing up. And so I'm thinking, like, oh, hard work meant that you stick it out no matter what.
[00:43:21] Speaker B: No matter what.
[00:43:22] Speaker A: And you make it work because you have. Have to change who you are to be a better person for the couple. And I think a lot of people, especially, I think in our generation, really, because of the 80s and how things were in the 80s, you didn't see.
Exactly. So I'm just like, I. I hear a lot of women now who are going through divorces saying, you know, I tried to make it work. I stuck it out. I. I sacrificed myself for what I thought was what was supposed to happen. And. And, you know, like we said, hindsight, we're looking back, like, I probably did some more damage than I probably did good to my family, you know, trying to stick it out. So how do you. How do your kids now handle everything now that things are kind of said and done, but, you know, still effects. Right. How are they handling it?
[00:44:07] Speaker B: It's hard. It's hard for them because they had to, like, they had to live it. Right.
They had to see the demise of the relationship. They had to lose, you know, what they knew to be reality for them. They had to lose their family unit. So I think that, you know, that comes with the level of grief that you have to process.
And unfortunately, they got to see, like, who we both were as parents separate, and it didn't always play out well, you know, and they're older now, so it's, you know, it's.
It's. It's harder to try to convince them of a fairy tale.
[00:44:50] Speaker A: That part. Yes.
[00:44:52] Speaker B: When they're older and they. And they look at you and like, yeah, no, mom, you. That's bull.
[00:44:56] Speaker A: Like, this is.
[00:44:57] Speaker B: That ain't right. Right, right. And so, you know, they, you know, they. They still have their issues.
They still, you know, have their struggle moments, but I think they navigated well. I think, think it is a blessing that they're older and they can understand and they can see us both for who we are. That part, unfortunately, isn't always good for everybody, but they get to see us for who we are, and they get to see, you know, how that works out, and they. It helps them determine who they want to be.
[00:45:24] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Because you don't have to convince, like, older kids. No, they can see it. You don't got to convince.
[00:45:30] Speaker B: You ain't got to say a word.
[00:45:31] Speaker A: You ain't got to sugarcoat nothing.
[00:45:32] Speaker B: No.
[00:45:32] Speaker A: You just let it be what it is.
[00:45:33] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:45:33] Speaker A: And they see it. Yes.
[00:45:34] Speaker B: I was allowed. It allowed me to. To not have to say much.
[00:45:38] Speaker A: Right.
[00:45:38] Speaker B: They just, unfortunately, as hard as it is to sit back and have to let them experience certain things, but they got to experience those things and make their own choices and their own decisions and, you know, it is what it is.
[00:45:51] Speaker A: Understood. I get it. So after now that all things have, like, kind of leveled out a little bit. Right. Like, it's not, it's painful, but it's not break down every, you know, every day. Painful. Right. You've come to a place where you're like, you can live again and you can enjoy the things that you've worked for while still celebrating life and all the things.
What do you do now for self care?
[00:46:17] Speaker B: Oh, sleep, Sleep. I, yeah, I enjoy. I enjoy my quiet time. I enjoy being at home.
I like to the spa. I'm not even gonna lie. Like that's a thing for me.
So, yeah, I still am very. I work a lot. I work a lot and I'm very much like that hands on mom. Like I'm dropping kids off, I'm picking them up, I'm taking them to football. I'm taking this. Like I'm doing all of the things. So I'm still very much, very, very busy. So right now I'm still in that phase of getting it right. So it hasn't slowed down quite yet for me. But when I have those moments, like, I really enjoy just my peace.
[00:47:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:47:03] Speaker B: There is nothing better than being in your house and it just being peaceful.
[00:47:06] Speaker A: Listen, listen. I, like, for a minute I was like, I get sad when my kids leave because my whole life revolved around my kids. Like, everything is like, kids, kids, kids. Okay, what do we do? And then it was like those moments of peace and quiet when they're away or they're doing something and I'm like, this feels weird.
[00:47:22] Speaker B: Yeah, you feel like I'm forgetting something, girl.
[00:47:26] Speaker A: Like I was just telling somebody, you know, I tell my producer. I was like, things have been going so smoothly with the podcast. I'm like, what did I miss? Where is this gonna fall apart at? Because we're so used to being go, go, go and working in chaos. And like, I was like, okay, you know, you found a level of peace now where things just are okay.
[00:47:43] Speaker B: Enjoy it. Yeah, I want to learn how to enjoy the soft life. I ain't got it yet, but I want to figure it out. It would be nice.
[00:47:51] Speaker A: We don't want to be the leaders all the time.
[00:47:53] Speaker B: Not at all. Actually, I would prefer not to be that part.
[00:47:57] Speaker A: That part.
[00:47:57] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm trying to figure still. I haven't gotten that one down yet, but I'm. It's. It's goals.
[00:48:03] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. So are we dating?
[00:48:10] Speaker B: We. We. We are in a space where, where we have important and important person in our lives. And that is. That's.
We'll see what happens.
[00:48:22] Speaker A: I like it.
[00:48:23] Speaker B: I've. It's been Let me see. I've been separated it slash divorce for four plus years now. So it took a while to get to that point to be.
[00:48:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:33] Speaker B: Even want to figure out if I wanted.
And I'm still figuring it out that part. But yeah, there's, you know, there's. There's somebody.
[00:48:43] Speaker A: I like it. So what was the, like, given? Okay. Again, you had a lot going on at that time. So it's like you didn't get to enjoy or experience like, like single life the way that most divorcees would or more, you know, people that are breaking up would.
But once you got to a point to where you were able to kind of date and be outside and kind of enjoy company again. Right.
[00:49:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:49:05] Speaker A: What did that look like for you? Like, how did you, how did you date?
[00:49:09] Speaker B: Ooh, I know we talked about this on camera, but. Right.
Yeah, I have. I'm all, I'm a. Like I said, I'm an introvert. Right. And so.
And I am not what you would call, like, I'm not dating ain't even. That's not my thing. Right. I'm not even really feeling that one. Like, girl, no, I don't want to do any of it.
And so it was very, it was very quiet and slow and intentional.
[00:49:40] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:49:40] Speaker B: And so for me, it was.
I mean, I'm, I'm not trying to date a lot of people. I'm not going on multiple date. I'm not doing any of that. Like, I'm, I was very intentional in kind of thinking about what I, what I enjoy and what I wanted and kind of letting it flow to me.
So I wouldn't say I was aggressive in my outside stage. Right. I was very like, inside, outside. Right. So, yeah, it was, it was quiet. You know, I met a few people. I had, I had to be honest. I had a good experience. I know everybody always has, like, say the dating pool got pissed in you.
[00:50:18] Speaker A: Say, yeah, you could, girl, cuss up.
[00:50:21] Speaker B: So.
But thank God that wasn't my experience. In the short time I, you know, I decided to, you know, entertain other people and date, I just, I didn't have that experience, but I think that was more of like what I was putting out.
Just didn't allow the piss to contact me.
[00:50:39] Speaker A: That part. That part.
[00:50:40] Speaker B: So, like, I met really dope people. Like, I interacted with really dope people. I don't have no horror stories of like some wild crazy. I, you know, being married for that was my horror story. So I think God was like, you done, girl? You don't need to do that again.
[00:50:56] Speaker A: You earned, you earned this, right.
[00:50:58] Speaker B: Yeah, you earned to experience decent people. So I got to experience decent people and you know, figure out what works for me. And I'm still figuring it out. But yeah, it was, it was just quiet. It was low key.
[00:51:11] Speaker A: I cracked because I know when. Before I started the podcast, I was doing a lot of social media like, like, you know, Lil Reese, Love Lounge.
[00:51:19] Speaker B: And we post girl.
[00:51:20] Speaker A: And I was cracking up because I remember I did the thing where we were posting singles. Oh my God.
[00:51:26] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:51:27] Speaker A: It was like it was a whole thing. So it was like, I'mma post a picture. Either nominate yourself or you nominate somebody else. You post a picture and then if anybody contacts me, I'mma try to like plug and play, right? So sis was like, girl, do it. I was like, you ready? You ready sis? Because okay, first of all, off the is beautiful first and foremost. And she got a lot of people want her. I know this for a fact. She been the of many group chats.
[00:51:52] Speaker B: Shut up. I had no idea the men is.
[00:51:56] Speaker A: Was mening on you, girl.
[00:51:57] Speaker B: Listen, they don't say nothing, girl, cuz they, they nerve.
[00:52:01] Speaker A: They know that cuz what it is is cuz you, you know, you handle business like. And I don't think it's intimidating. But what I think it is that they know they can't approach you with the and so know it's. It's like I want to come at her but I know she got her going on and she's in the public eye. So if I come at her with some, everybody gonna know it. And so it's a thing. So I get it.
But we posted sis because this was like, girl, I wanted to be posted, but I don't want to be posted, but I want to be posted. Go ahead and do it. So she sent me a picture and I posted it. And of course she got a lot of hits. And so I remember one person that had hit me up up and I was like, okay, I. We know this person. We don't like this person. For real.
I ain't gonna say no names, but it was like. But I was like, let me do my due diligence.
[00:52:46] Speaker B: You know, I'm not gonna yuck a.
[00:52:47] Speaker A: Yum, so maybe she might like this.
And I said, hey sis. So and so. No, I was like, wait, hold on. No, no, he's already tried.
[00:52:56] Speaker B: No.
[00:52:56] Speaker A: And I was cracking up because I said, I said, you know, I don't think there's a connection there. So sir. And he was like, oh yeah, I already Knew that. I said, well, why you say something then? Leave me alone.
Girl, I kid you not. Like within two days, what's up with you now?
[00:53:10] Speaker B: What's up with you?
[00:53:11] Speaker A: I said, weren't you just in my inbox about the maila. I mean, she, you know, it ain't working out. I said, don't nobody want to be a second. Like, I was like, I know everybody is a second, you know, or whatever, but, you know, you're not gonna just put it out there like that. And he was like, well, everybody got to be somebody's, you know, second choice voice. I said, sir, get out my inbox. This is why it was a no for her.
This is exactly why. I was cracking up, though. But yeah, we had a few good conversations, you and I.
[00:53:36] Speaker B: It was. It was very. It was a very interesting moment. Nothing came of that, by the way, except for some good, funny kikis and girl, Portland men are very interesting.
Yeah.
[00:53:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:53:50] Speaker B: And you know, it's.
[00:53:51] Speaker A: It's Portland. So for me, like, I know I don't date in Portland, and I know you and I talked about this last.
It's not. So what about dating out of state is more attractive to you?
[00:54:03] Speaker B: You know, I don't even necessarily know if it is the out of state aspect, but for me, it's more or less. I think I have had better.
I wouldn't even say, look, I've just had better connections with people who have, like a southern upbringing. I think it just connects with me differently. I think the type of woman I am, it just happened to. It happens to work better for me.
Not saying that there's not, you know, a man in the Pacific Northwest that, you know, wouldn't be amazing for me, because I'm sure there is. I just have never met him.
[00:54:40] Speaker A: Right, right, right. He's probably moved here from the South.
[00:54:42] Speaker B: So to be honest, the ones that I did meet that lived here, they had moved here from the.
And they been here more than a hot second. Right, right.
So I just. I just found that that has worked better for me. And like I said, Portland. I feel like Portland men are just. They.
They be quiet.
They, you know, they're just a little more. And I'm. I'm not that woman. I'm not come. I'm not shooting my shot. I ain't doing none of that.
[00:55:10] Speaker A: She said she's very traditional.
[00:55:11] Speaker B: That I am. I am very much so. So, like, if you. You gonna have to come do, you're gonna have to make a. A splash somewhere because I'm not coming over there. And that just, that. That hasn't. That hasn't been my experience here and it's been my experience elsewhere, so it just happened to work better for me.
[00:55:27] Speaker A: I get it, I get it, I get it. What had. What was your best date or experience that you had been on?
[00:55:35] Speaker B: Oh, you about to get me in trouble. Listen, everybody has a past, okay?
[00:55:40] Speaker A: Doesn't mean that your dates weren't good. Okay.
[00:55:42] Speaker B: Oh, let me see. The best one.
Is this one that I was taking on.
[00:55:52] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, what was your best experience on a date?
[00:55:58] Speaker B: I don't know.
I mean, I've had. I've had, you know, interesting, great, you know, traditional dates. You know, there's dinner, there's a, you know, let's take a trip. You know, I think the trip. Trip ones are probably the funnest. They're exciting.
You know, let's. Let's hop on a plane and go out of town and go explore a little bit. And I think, though, that has probably been the most exciting and the best date. I guess. I guess you can consider that a date that I've probably been on is like, let's hop on a plane. Where are we going?
[00:56:29] Speaker A: I love it. Listen, that's how, you know, she day in a certain echelon, because, you know, we have standards and we like trips and, you know, being food out is.
[00:56:39] Speaker B: Not a bad thing.
[00:56:39] Speaker A: It don't got to be a ratchet thing either.
[00:56:41] Speaker B: No, it's definitely not. I've never. I mean, I've never, never experienced it in the ratchet form. I don't know what that even looks like exactly. You know, it's, let's hop on a plane, come visit.
[00:56:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:56:51] Speaker B: A car is going to pick you up. Like it's a thing. Right?
[00:56:54] Speaker A: I like that.
[00:56:55] Speaker B: Okay. Okay.
[00:56:56] Speaker A: Then take notes on how you should date women that are bosses.
[00:56:59] Speaker B: Okay. Or, you know, but some of us can do that too. Like.
[00:57:02] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:57:03] Speaker B: Yeah. Come hop on a plane.
[00:57:05] Speaker A: Come see me. Yes, absolutely. Oh, do you. Do you plan dates and do the things?
[00:57:10] Speaker B: Absolutely. Of course. Course.
Yeah, I want dabbled a little bit.
[00:57:15] Speaker A: The best one you plan, because if it wasn't for him, he gonna be like, ma'.
[00:57:18] Speaker B: Am.
[00:57:19] Speaker A: Right.
[00:57:19] Speaker B: I was like, if I say this one, that person is going to know exactly what I'm talking about.
But, yeah, no, I've, I've definitely. I've. I think I. I'm a great date planner. I think I. I got. I have good. I have great ideas.
[00:57:33] Speaker A: Money and time and all the things weren't a factor. Plan the perfect Date.
What would it be?
[00:57:42] Speaker B: Shoot, I'd say It'd be like, 30 days. Seeing the world.
Nothing gets better than traveling and getting out of your element and not having worries, right? So for me, it's like, let's grab this passport and see the world for a month or something. Like, yeah, I'm not trying to do a weekend, and I'm not talking about, let's go to Miami for the weekend.
Let's see the world real fast. Like, let's do that. So for me, that would be. That would be it. Nothing is better than seeing, like, seeing new things and having new experiences and just having the ability to do it.
[00:58:13] Speaker A: Right. Yeah, absolutely. That part, I guess my last one is what is. What would, like, your ideal. Like, so you're dating someone, so. But what would the ideal support system look for you for your business and your family?
From partner.
[00:58:27] Speaker B: Oh, from a partner. You know, that's funny that you asked that, because I think. Think as I get older, it changes.
I think when I was younger, I thought I had the idea of what. What it was. And I think now, at this point in life, it's, you know, it changes. You know, I turned 40, you know, not too long ago.
And so, you know, I think that has also changed my perspective. And I think, you know, doing what I do and being who I am, support, you know, just having somebody who supports and can help take care of you is important. Like, if I have to do all of these things right, I have to be a mom. I have to be a business owner. I have to, you know, be a boss or whatever.
It's always, you know, good to have somebody who can support you in that. Whatever that looks like for you, like. And for me, that's, you know, just being. Being supportive, being thoughtful. But I like a boss, me. I like a boss man, too. So, like, you can't just be, you know, holding my bags like that. Don't work for me either.
So, like, I need, you know, there's a hybrid kind of situation that I think is ideal for me. Somebody who can, you know, who calls shots and who runs. Runs their own. Their own thing, and they're, you know, a boss in their own perspective, but is still very much a gentleman and supportive of me. So I love it. I'm very much, you know, look at life now as, like, we. We kind of got it equally hit most of those lines for this to work. Otherwise, I'm gonna get bored.
[01:00:08] Speaker A: Girl, I feel you on that one.
Advice for someone going through grief and loss who.
[01:00:21] Speaker B: Sit in it Yeah. I think the only way to go through it is to go through it.
There's no right way. Like I said, there's no right way. There's no wrong way. But the worst way is avoiding, which I've done, but it doesn't help. It just makes it a little harder, I think. And so, like, sitting in it and letting it do whatever it has to do for you to get through it or to, you know, maneuver through it, because it's not really an end game, right? It's a re.
It's a Having to reintroduce yourself to who you are and what life is like in that new space. And so I think the only way you can do that is. Is just sitting in it. You kind of got to sit there and. And let life do what it does.
I love it. I love it. Where can people find you at work?
[01:01:19] Speaker A: At the cash register?
[01:01:20] Speaker B: Never, right? I'm never. I'm never. I'm hardly ever there anymore. But, yeah, like, I'm. Of course, I'm on all the social platforms. The bakery is, you know, 2624 northeast Alberta.
Yeah, work. I'm at work all the time.
Most working. I'm in the community. I'm with my boys.
[01:01:41] Speaker A: So, yeah, shout out the social handles. What are those?
[01:01:45] Speaker B: So the bakery is DB Dessert Company. And then my personal one is just Demela Christian.
[01:01:51] Speaker A: I love it. I love it. Well, thank you so much. I got. Now we talk about business owners and entrepreneurs. Now, y' all know I've had a guest host. Host a couple times this season now, and we are featuring her brands, Milani Vegan Hair care and body care. So we have got today this hey Pudding. Now, what y' all don't know is it says Shea pudding, but the S is in parentheses. So you know how to say hey pudding. And it's like a curl cream. It's amazing. It's got like a gel, kind of like a pudding. Literally, like a pudding feel.
I use it on my trust.
[01:02:22] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying?
[01:02:24] Speaker A: But it's amazing because it's keeps your hair juicy, keeps it soft. It keeps the curls coming back and bouncing and all the things. It's great for all hair textures. It's like the. The kinkiest of curls to the. The. The lightest of waves. So make sure you check out our girl Charlize the Shadow Box hairs. On social media, she is Milani by shadow box. But you can also purchase the products@milani beauty.com. and just make sure you use that code. Lee L e I G H because you might get it a little extra, an extra discount, you know, on. On your girl. So make sure you check her out. You can also check out Nick B. While she's going through her health, her health journey and healing process.
[01:03:00] Speaker B: It's Nick B.
[01:03:01] Speaker A: Underscore Nick B. Then it's Nick with the K. And of course, you can find me everywhere. It's Lila Re L E I G H L A R I E on all platforms. Dirty Roses podcast on all platforms. And dirtyrosespodcast.com you can, like, follow, subscribe, watch us on YouTube and Apple and Spotify listening and all the good things. Share with your friends, build our network up, get us some sponsorships. You know, I like my glasses, so if there's anybody out there that wants to sponsor my glasses, I got you. All right, we'll see y' all next time. Thank you so much.
[01:03:30] Speaker B: Guess what, Rose Buddies, we are thrilled to introduce our new sponsorship packages. Be sure to hit us
[email protected] to inquire how we can showcase your brand on our platforms.
